~ The Meeting ~
He kept asking himself what he was doing and why. He should be excited right now. He should be considering the night that lay before him. He should be planning out each step of this night, which is what he usually would be doing. This time just wasn’t the same, at least not now. He had a date. This was not unusual. But the circumstances about this particular date were what made it unusual.
This was a woman he had cared about. This was a woman that he had hoped for something more. Yet today they were merely friends, and not by his choice. Today he was going out with someone who he was supposed to treat like a buddy. He had been told that she had someone else in her life anyway, and he didn’t normally date someone who was already dating someone else. He had been out with girls that were just friends before. But he hadn’t planned those events for months, like he had this one. So he was going out with a woman that he once wanted, while being told that they could only be friends, after he had planned the ultimate romantic evening.
He had made these plans months ago. Months ago he still felt he had a one in a million shot with her. So when he asked for this date he viewed it as his “Last Hurrah”. He planned on tonight being a very different event than the events he normally planned. This date wasn’t going to be drinks at a bar, or a dinner of hamburgers. This was going to be different, classy, romantic, and very intimate. This was supposed to be the date that blew her away. This was supposed to be the date that made her see who he was. And this was the second thing that made this date unusual.
He asked her months ago. Then she didn’t speak to him for months. Well, she would occasionally talk about “things” that had nothing to do with “them”; but nothing like before. So he had resolved to himself that it was over. He had completely forgotten about this date, at least until the club called him to reconfirm his reservation, and to let him know that they were billing his credit card. He probably just should have said no at that point, and chalked the money he was out to a bad idea. But instead it started a long debate in his head as to how he should proceed.
His first thought was simply not to mention the date again, and not even show up. He was fairly sure she had forgotten all about it, even when they talked she would miss most of what he was saying. Or at least she would make him think that she missed it. She could have just been ignoring what he said. But she was busy, and she had a very complicated world. So he never worried about what she didn’t hear, or if she just forgot. He was fairly sure she had no recollection of agreeing to this date months ago. So all he had to do was remain silent and there would be no challenges.
But what if this one time she did remember?
As much as he hoped she had forgotten, so he could just do something else, it would be much worse for him if she did expect him to show up and he didn’t. He couldn’t live with that scenario. He couldn’t let her down if she was planning on seeing him. And just because she didn’t mention the date for three months, maybe she just trusted him to do what he said. But for that to be true then she would have to have some feelings for him, and he knew that wasn’t the case.
But then he had another thought. If he calls her to check on the date, would she then feel obligated to go even if she really didn’t want to go? By calling her, she may feel like he is expecting her to still go with him. She was a nice person, and he could see her changing her plans with someone else that she does care about simply because she already said yes to him, even if she had forgotten. So by calling he could be setting himself up with a nice person that really doesn’t want to be with him. That would possibly cause problems with another relationship that she did want to pursue.
And as much as he wanted a relationship with her, he wanted her to be happy more. If someone else was providing that happiness then he would gladly step aside.
He couldn’t just call her and cancel. He had no reason to cancel other than she had avoided him for three months. He hadn’t had many friends, but he figured that maybe in her world friends wouldn’t expect a friend to keep in touch. Maybe that is how her friends are with her. Maybe they just communicate when there is a need. And why would someone call just to say they weren’t keeping a date that may have been forgotten anyway?
He had struggled with this for a moment. He never pondered a decision for too long. So he decided to call her and follow up. But she didn’t answer. This was fairly normal though. She hadn’t answered his calls ever. He had called her 23 times, and she had only called him back once, and that was 6 months ago. He had planned on leaving her a message knowing that she probably wouldn’t answer. It could be that she avoids everyone’s calls, but he always felt it was just his calls that she avoided. So he had stopped calling her.
And sending an email wouldn’t help either. She treated emails in a similar fashion. She would occasionally respond, but not very often. Yet his thought was that if he sent her an email message then she would have the option to not respond and possibly avoid the challenge his follow up might create. She would know that he remembered, and she could just pretend that she didn’t get the message. Then she could contact him sometime after that date and pretend to apologize.
But as much as he wanted all of this to just disappear, something inside of him still wanted to know. This other side of him wanted to take a shot. He had spent months doing what he felt that she wanted. He had become distant and given her some space. Yet this was supposed to be his last shot, and he didn’t want to spend the rest of his life wondering. He could walk away, but he had to know that he was right.
He had called again, and this time he left a message.
It was nearly a week later when she returned his call. That alone should have told him that calling her had been a really bad idea. Her response was, “Sure, why not?” Now of all the things that she could have said, this response was the only one that truly let him know that she was only agreeing because she wanted to be nice. And to add salt to the wound, she informed him that she would prefer that he met her at a place nearby and not pick her up at her house. This again was a clear indication that she didn’t want to be seen with him.
Yet he had asked and she had said yes, well she sort of said yes. So he proceeded with his plan. He confirmed his reservation and he even went forward with all of the additional perks that he had conceived in his mind to make this night special. But he couldn’t get past the thought that he was not special, and that this night could never be special. So as he drove towards the agreed meeting spot, he kept hoping that his car would break down or that he could just have a horrible wreck or something.
He shortly arrived at the pre-determined location. Of course she was not there yet. He was at the point where he just didn’t care anymore. He would do what he had planned, whether she enjoyed it all or not. He would give it his shot and watch her squirm. Maybe when she sees all that he had done she would finally just stand up and say, “Go away!”
He entered the bar, went straight to a barstool and ordered a drink. He quickly realized that he had become the center of attention. He was dressed for the evening that he had planned. He was wearing a black suit and tie, and his long black top coat. Yet he was in a college bar, with a group of mainline drinkers and bar flies. Since it was miserably cold outside, most of them were in jeans and sweatshirts. And they were all wondering why a guy in a suit was sitting in their bar.
But attention didn’t bother him, and he had never feared any one person. So he turned to his drink and focused on the TV which was showing a basketball game. He looked at his watch one time, just to verify that he was on time. He immediately decided that he would wait 45 minutes for her. If she didn’t show up, then he would just leave and abandon his entire plan.
His first drink went down quickly. He nursed his second drink for a while. He refused to look at his watch again. He had a good idea of the time that was passing, and he would know when the time was up. Most of him wanted her to show up. But there was a part that secretly hoped that she didn’t. That would definitely be a major sign to him if she just forgot to show up. Then he amused himself with the thought that just a few days ago most of him wanted her not to show up and now only a small part hoped that she didn’t. “Progress” he thought to himself as he smiled and sipped his drink.
Fortunately the game went into overtime. If it hadn’t then they bar probably would have put on some re-run TV show which would have driven him completely insane. He was on his third drink now and actually beginning to enjoy himself . . . alone. Based on his internal time table, he figured that by the end of his third drink the time he had allotted to waiting for her would have expired. She was at least 30 minutes late already and he had no messages from her to let him know that she was still coming.
“Well, hello stranger!’
A voice behind him jumped out of the typical noise of the bar. Before he even turned he knew that it was her voice. He wondered if the act of being so late without letting him know was another one of her ways to blow him off. He turned towards the voice, and was mildly confused at what he saw. It was her and she was here. But she was wearing faded jeans, a sweatshirt over a turtleneck, and tennis shoes.
“Oh my god, you are really dressed up.” She commented.
If being late was one way she could send him a message, then dressing down for a formal date would definitely be a second sign. He immediately figured that this was intentional also. She would say she misunderstood, had nothing to wear, and suggest that we just sit here and have a drink. Then she would be able to take off anytime that she wanted, which he assumed would be shortly.
“Ummm, yeah.” He began, “I thought I told you that I was taking you to a private club tonight”
A genuine look of shock crossed her face. Well, maybe it was shock. She did have plenty of time to create this situation so she may have practiced her facial expressions as well. She remained silent for a moment as she looked at him. He had risen from his bar stool and stood about a foot away from her now, looking straight at her.
“Oh no.” She hesitated, “I thought you said we were going to a club. I thought it would be a club like this one.”
He paused for a moment. He had been clear in his discussion with her. So he stared into her eyes trying to determine if she was being honest or truly trying to screw up this evening. She may have intentionally worn this outfit just to force him to cancel the date, or to allow her a chance to fake a fit and storm off. So he decided not to let her off the hook in case she was trying to screw things up.
He smiled at her, “Don’t worry about it. You can go dressed just like that. For what that place costs you should be able to walk in wearing a bathrobe.”
Her face became concerned. He was trying to determine if her concern was for accidently wearing the wrong outfit or because he wasn’t letting her off of the hook.
“I can’t go to a formal restaurant dressed like this. I really didn’t know or I would have worn something else. I am so sorry. Just give me 30 minutes and I can rush home and change clothes.” She pleaded.
He found a chance now to test a second theory that he had. She refuses to let him pick her up at her house. He figured it was because she had a roommate, and a boyfriend. So he plotted his course.
“Sure, I’ll drop you off at your house and wait while you change.” He suggested.
“NO!” she blurted out, “I mean, No. I can go there myself. My house is a mess and I don’t want you to think that I am a pig or something.”
She smiled a quirky smile. “So you can just wait here and enjoy yourself. I promise you that I will be right back.”
He figured that if she left he wouldn’t see her again tonight, or maybe ever. He believed that she really didn’t want to see him. He believed that she dressed poorly just to bother him and to show him that she didn’t care. He believed that she wanted to sneak away and not come back, and then say that he didn’t wait for her.
But what if all of this was coincidental? He decided to just be honest with her, or at least give her the honest chance to back out.
“Look, I’m sorry for the confusion. The problem is that you were already 40 minutes late and we barely have time to make our reservation as it is. If we wait for you to change then we will miss our dinner reservations completely. So, either we go now with you dressed as you are; or you go home and I go do my own thing. We just chalk tonight up to a big mistake”
Again, there was genuine concern on her face. He still hadn’t figure out if she was just a good actress or if he was wrong.
“We have reservations somewhere?” she inquired. “Where were you planning on taking me?”
He pondered her response. Was she stalling for time waiting until they were out of time?
“Well, our first stop is at the Downtown Club in the city. You once said you had never been there before so I pulled a few strings and got us in. But there were more surprises too.” He answered and then paused for a moment. He hated playing games with her. In spite of everything, he did really like her.
“Hey, I’m sorry this didn’t work out as planned. I imagine you would feel uncomfortable sitting in an exclusive and private club, downtown, on a Saturday night in jeans and a sweatshirt. And I honestly feel like tonight wasn’t as important to you as it was to me. So let’s just be honest with each other, call it a night, and you can go do whatever it is that you want to do; and I will go do something else. Ok?”
She stood silently, and glanced down and her faded jeans. She was thinking hard about something. He just didn’t know what it was. And at this point he didn’t care. He was so tired of trying to figure her out. Either she cared or she didn’t. She gave him every sign that she didn’t care, so he just wanted to erase her from his life.
And he was hurt. He knew that this could happen, but he took the chance anyway. He knew there was no chance that he could ever be her man, but he tried anyway. His pain was his fault. He had forced the issue. He knew better, but he was following his heart and not his brain. He felt foolish and embarrassed.
But then a strange thing happened. She looked him square in the eyes and he noticed a hint of sadness. She reached out her hand and took a step towards him, resting her hand on his cheek. She moved her face close to his and paused. Her eyes were moving from his eyes to his lips, and then back to his eyes. Then she smiled. It wasn’t a quirky smile like before though. This was a smile of happiness and contentment. This was something that he hadn’t expected.
“I really didn’t know what you had planned. I am so sorry, and I feel horrible for not being dressed for you.” She stopped and again looked down at what she was wearing. The she focused back to his eyes with a firm and confident gaze.
“If you really don’t mind how I have dressed, I would love to go out with you tonight where ever you want to take me.”
She sounded sincere. But even though these words made his heart jump, he couldn’t help but to remind himself that his feelings for her were much different that her feelings for him. At first, he wanted to say no. Even though it appeared that at this moment she wanted to have a date with him, he felt that it just wasn’t real. She had someone else, she really didn’t want to be here, and perhaps she was just showing him pity. He wasn’t the type that wanted or needed a pity date. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to say it.
Then she surprised him again. She reached out and took his hand in hers. She gently pulled him by the hand and whispered, “C’mon, let’s go have dinner”. Everything he knew, felt, learned, and believed told him to just walk away. But once again his heart wouldn’t allow it. He slipped his hand away from hers and walked towards his car.
Was this the biggest mistake of his life?
~ The Club ~
As they rode up in the elevator to the 20th floor, the executive dining room, he could sense her concern. In the lobby everyone was donning evening gowns and fine jewelry. She had walked right past them with her head held high though, while wrapping her arm in his. He had escorted her proudly. To him it didn’t matter what she had on. To him she was beautiful in anything.
The doors opened facing the Maitre’d station. It was an oak podium with a dim lamp shining on the list of reservations. The room behind was unbelievable. In the lobby area it was all wood floors with wood paneled walls. Historic pictures were hung every few feet. The room was lit with dim sconces between these paintings. There were numerous couches and sofas, each with their own table and personal waiter dressed in a tuxedo. To the right was a small stage with a grand piano. The pianist was playing soft, romantic music.
Straight back, where the wood panels ended were large glass panes outlined with sheer white curtains. These curtains were drawn back giving a skylight view of the downtown lights. The view was breath-taking. The cold air outside left a touch of frost in the corners of each window. From afar you could still see the lights of nearby buildings and the rush of traffic lights below. All in all it was a very relaxing atmosphere.
They were escorted to their private area, a small love seat in the corner of the room. This was exactly what he had planned. He had wanted a secluded spot. He had wanted to induce the thought of romance. He had wanted his private time with her. All of those thoughts seemed mute now, but he was glad to be secluded as he sensed her sensitivity to being the only woman not dressed for a night on the town.
They sat together, but he made a point to cross his leg away from her. He was trying to play down the romance part of this date even though it was his original plan. She sat with her legs in front of her and her hands in her lap. She appeared even more uncomfortable, and kept primping her sweatshirt and hair. But she was trying. She was trying very hard to make the best of this situation, which he had insisted on having. He began to feel for her.
He turned towards her and placed his hand on her knee. “Hey, if you want to leave it is perfectly alright with me. I appreciate you coming here with me. But if you are too uncomfortable then we can go now. I’ll do whatever you want.”
Her eyes met his as he spoke. She was listening intently to every word. He really would be fine with her leaving right now if she wanted. She had showed up, albeit late and dressed for a different event. But she had shown up. So he wanted her to know that she could end this now.
She glanced down at this hand on her knee, and placed her hand over his. “This is the most impressive restaurant I have ever seen. Everything is so beautiful, and I am so thankful that you wanted to bring me here.” She paused to pat his hand, “I am excited to be here with you, and I look forward to what you have planned. I don’t care what anyone else thinks about me. If you are ok then I am ok.”
He gazed into her eyes as she spoke. He was searching to find out if she was being sincere or just trying to get by without upsetting someone she considered a “friend”. She had made her feelings very clear in the past, and even mentioned to him once that he was not anyone special. But he had given her another chance to back out and she had refused. He decided to press on and gave her a smile to relay this information.
At that moment her first surprise arrived. The waiter walked up with a dozen red roses.
“For the beautiful lady, compliments of her gentleman”, he said as he handed her the flowers. He could see shock on her face. She was the only lady in the place that had been given roses. She grasped them and placed them near her nose. The aroma was amazing. Then she turned to him, thanked him for the gift, and leaned over and gave him a soft kiss on his cheek. He never flinched.
They each had a glass of champagne before they were invited to their table. He was still unsure of her complete willingness to enjoy a truly romantic evening. So as he rose, once again he didn’t reach for her. He simply started to follow the waiter. But she reached out and took his hand. He looked down at this, and then up at her. She was clutching her roses and gazing around the room.
The table was also exactly what he had requested, when he was planning this adventure. It was a table for two in a private room. The room was adorned with a single candle on the table and a small lamp on the serving table. The chairs were positioned side by side and not across from each other, both facing the corner of the room and floor to ceiling glass walls. They had a view of the city and the lake below.
And, as he had requested, a small box wrapped in gold paper was placed on the table. She was escorted to this seat, and the waiter asked for her roses. He placed them in a prearranged vase sitting on the servers table. He sat her down and slid her chair up to the table. Then he reached down and handed her the gift.
“Another compliment from the gentleman” he whispered as he presented her the gift.
She looked at him is shock, “You really didn’t have to do this. Being here is a great gift by itself, but thank you so much.”
She opened her box, revealing a diamond bracelet with each of her kid’s names engraved into it. She stopped and stared silently. He didn’t need a response, and she had already thanked him for the gift. But as she sat silently he became enthralled with her aura. She was so unbelievably beautiful, and he felt so fortunate to be a part of her life. She was also so in love with her kids. So he had tried to pick something that was as beautiful as her, and would always remind her of her kids.
“I don’t know what to say.” She choked out some words, “This is so unexpected. But it is so beautiful.”
She looked up at him and continued, “You really shouldn’t have, and I don’t deserve this.”
He smiled back at her. He felt that she did appreciate the gift and his efforts in picking out just the right gift. At this moment he was glad that he was here with her, even though he knew it was only for right now and nothing more.
“You do deserve this, and much more.” He replied, “I want you to feel like a queen tonight . . . even if you are in your ‘step-sister’ outfit.”
They both chuckled at his comment, realizing he was trying to make her attire seem more acceptable.
He ordered a bottle of wine for them to enjoy, and another for their meal. The food was impeccable and the service was incredible. She really seemed to be having a great time, which is all he could have hoped for at this point.
Several times during the evening she would reach out to him, or give him a look of interest. This is how their original dates had gone. When they were together in the early weeks, he always felt like during their time together he was the only person in her world. He liked that feeling and it drew him closer to her. On their early dates she had also spoke openly about her life, which led him to speak openly about his life. He quickly formed a bond of trust with her, and he liked that feeling as well.
There were many things about her that would attract men. She was tall, beautiful, sexy and bright. She also had a wild and aggressive side, which drew many men to her. Yet even though he did find her beautiful and sexy, it was how she treated him and her honesty that made him fall for her. He just never figured out how to express that he was attracted to her for different reason than every other guy.
Recently this had changed. Obviously she was still beautiful; so many men would still be interested. But his attraction was different. She never saw him anymore, so the treatment was very different. He no longer felt like when he was with her that he was the only one on her mind, or even on her mind at all. And because she stopped communicating, his trust level diminished. This caused him to stop telling her about his world, which then caused her to tell even less about her world. This had created a vicious cycle leading him to asking her out for this final shot.
So on this night when she made an effort, or got that look in her eye again, he hesitated. He was so convinced that this date was a mistake that he convinced himself that all this was just an act out of pity. He didn’t need pity. Additionally, using her sex appeal on him was pointless. He could have sex anytime he wanted. That wasn’t what he looked for with her. He wanted what she had inside, and he liked who she was and not how she looked.
Their dinner eventually came to an end. To his excitement, she looked at him as they were leaving and asked him what was next. That was good for him to hear. It told him that even if she had just “come along” out of pity that she at least was having a good enough time to want the night to continue. He did actually make additional plans but he had been debating if he should even try. So now he knew.
He took her hand as they walked out of the club.
~ The Piano Bar ~
As he pulled up to the Downtown bar, the valet approached his door.
“Oh, another classy place just for me huh?” She asked as she looked down at her tennis shoes.
They both chuckled, “Sorry, but I really had planned on an elegant evening with you in a formal dress.” He responded.
As they entered he dropped off his topcoat with the Coat Check. He then placed his hand on the small of her back and entered the bar. It was a small piano bar. It was in an old building, possibly a warehouse once. Again, the lights were dim and elegant. There were two stages, each with a piano. There was only one pianist and he was playing a jazz tune with the help of a woman on a saxophone. There were many booths and a small dance floor also.
They made their way to one of the booths where he ordered martini’s for both of them. The music was not too loud. They had chatted about a lot of nothing topics during dinner. But as they sipped their drinks she looked up at him, placed her hand on his shoulder and began speaking.
“I am having the best time tonight. I’m really sorry about wearing this old stuff. I would have loved to show you how I look in a gown. But I honestly didn’t hear you say that it was a formal dinner. I was so embarrassed, but I did want to see you so I really hope you don’t mind.”
He smiled at her and she continued, “I’m going to ask you something personal, and hope it doesn’t ruin this wonderful evening. But I have to ask. You’ve been very distant for a while. For the longest time I worried that I had done something to upset you. I was so happy when you called me to remind me of our date. I had remembered, but I thought that you had changed your mind. So here is my question, why did you ask me out?”
He thought about her question. He saw no benefit to either of them to answer her honestly. If he were to say that he had asked because he had feelings for her and wanted one last chance to show her, then she would be concerned. She had plainly stated that there was “nothing special” here and that to her they were only friends. She had never wavered from that story. So for him to try to explain to her would make him sound like he was obsessed with her. He wasn’t and he didn’t want her to think that. But there was no way he could think of to explain what he did feel.
He thought about just saying something like, “I like you for the person that you are” but that sounded too vague and would make him appear he was being secretive. And then she would ask more questions. He knew that the answers to her questions were not what he wanted to hear. He knew this months ago. Anyway, she was aware of her looks and he felt she could never understand how someone could like her for her spirit and soul as opposed to her breasts and ass.
He also knew the kind of man that she is attracted to and he was not that man.
Just by her asking that question he realized just how ridiculous his plan had been. To him it was 4th down with seconds left in the championship game; and he was behind and quarterbacking the “Hail Mary” play to try to win. To her, he wasn’t even a fan in the stands. So there was absolutely no good to come to either of them by answering truthfully.
“Let’s dance?” he asked instead. He didn’t wait for an answer, he just took her arm and escorted her to the dance floor. He could see the confusion and possible frustration in her face. But he knew what he was doing was right, by him and for her. And at least by dancing, he could hold her one last time.
It was a slow and smooth tune that was playing. There was only one other couple on the dance floor. He took her hand and placed his other hand on her waist, pulling her close to him. Their eyes met for a second as she placed her hand on his shoulder. But they both could tell that no answer was forthcoming. She slowly lowered her head to his chest as they swayed to the music.
As he held her tightly while they moved slowly around the dance floor, he smelled her perfume; and her hair. Her hands were soft yet strong, and they fit perfectly in his hand. Her body felt heavenly as it pressed against his chest and hips. He was loving everything about this dance, and everything about her.
But he knew that this had been his last chance. He had figured that out while waiting for her alone in the bar earlier. He sort of knew it a month ago. Perhaps he didn’t want to realize it, so he kept playing it off. But right now, as he held her in his arms with her head on his shoulder, he knew it would be the last time he held her; and possibly the last time that he sees her.
He had other options as far as women went. But he was never one to settle for second best. He had always won the big prize, but no one is perfect and no one always get what they want. He knew that he didn’t NEED a woman in his life, but he was thinking that he might want a special woman to share his life. If he did want someone, he was sure that he wanted to find out if she was the one or not.
The song came to a smooth ending, but she didn’t move her head. And he didn’t stop moving across the dance floor. He felt as if once he stopped, then it was over.
Finally she looked up at him, and he looked back at her. He had no idea what she was thinking at this moment, but from the look in her eyes it wasn’t elation. He stopped dancing and they simply stood in the middle of the dance floor gazing at each other. Neither of them spoke, they just stood still facing each other as he released her hand and placed both hands on her hips. She moved her free hand up and locked both her hands behind his neck.
Time stood still.
“If I had just one wish” she broke the silence, “it would be to have this night last forever. But right now I would trade that wish just to know what goes on in your head and why you keep it hidden from me. I so want to know what is going on with you.”
He couldn’t smile, even though he got immense happiness knowing that she was having such a good time that she still wanted it to continue. But they were together right now, and she was holding on to him. If he told her how much he wanted her then it would ruin the rest of this evening.
“Trust me” he whispered, “What we have right now is better than anything I could possibly tell you.”
As he held her, he could feel the life drain from her body. He knew she wanted to know something, but he knew that she really didn’t want to know this. He was doing this for her.
They returned to their booth and he ordered another round of martini’s; and then another. They sat very close to each other, occasionally sharing a brief touch of the hand. But the conversation was limited, and the laughter had stopped.
It was well after 1:00 am when he suggested that they leave. She got up without a word. This time she didn’t ask what was next. And this time he was glad. In his master plan she would have professed her feelings for him by now, and they would be retiring to the Penthouse Suite and the most expensive hotel in town. They would have a few more drinks, some passionate kisses, and whatever else the night led them to. This would have been the climax of the night. Not because he would have made love with someone he cherished, but because to get to that moment she would have had to cared for him. He didn’t want sex with a friend.
As they drove from the bar, he glanced her way. She truly was beautiful, and he felt so fortunate to have had the time together that they had shared. But she wasn’t looking his way. She was staring out the window at the drizzle and rain that had begun. All night, in spite of his belief that there was nothing between them, she had faced him; and they had talked. But now there were no words, and no looks.
He wondered what had changed. He still felt exactly like he did when they met at the bar earlier. He was exactly the same, happy to be with her yet sad that it is ending. So the change must have been with her. He thought back over the night and the only thing that he could come up with was her question. If only she knew that his answer of caring about her would have been the opposite of what she had always professed to want.
And yet she still ignored him. He couldn’t believe that she was already thinking about someone else; not with the look in her eyes just a few hours ago. She wanted a friend, and tonight he was that friend. He had behaved as a friend should behave; how she wants a friend to behave. He had been kind, sincere and friendly. He hadn’t shared his mis-placed feelings with her. She should have appreciated this fact.
But something was wrong. He suddenly had this urge to communicate. He couldn’t tell her his feelings, but maybe he should share his final surprise. Yet he wondered if she would take his offer of a night alone with him as too much for a friendship. But as he looked at her he could see how every man would be attracted to her. Her body was incredible, her skin glowed with life, and her hair suggested the wild side to her personality. For a moment he wanted her, not for a lifetime but for tonight.
“I did have one more thing” he caught himself blurting out, “If you are interested”
She turned her head towards him and gave him a fake smile. “What was that?”
He paused for a moment, contemplating if he should continue and if so how he should continue. But she looked so heavenly that he just blurted it out.
“I got a room for tonight. I was sort of hoping that we could go there and hang out for a while . . as friends”
As he finished his sentence, her head turned back towards the drizzle covered window. She was silent, and her silence was deafening. He wondered what she was thinking, if he had crossed a line, or if he had just lost her forever. Seconds seemed like hours as he waited for a response.
“It’s hard to say something and be ignored, isn’t it?” she suddenly asked, “The answer is NO.”
She said that word with conviction. It was not something that she wasn’t sure about, it was something she was decidedly certain about. He figured that she wouldn’t be interested, but he had hoped for one last chance. Then just as he had resolved himself to a long and quiet drive back to their original meeting place, she broke the silence again.
“No, I have no interest in spending any more time with a stranger.” She turned her face back towards him as a tear dripped down her cheek. “I thought I knew you. I liked the person I thought that you were. I wanted to spend my time with that person. But for the past few months you have been someone else, someone I don’t know anymore. You avoid me, you don’t tell me about your life, you don’t talk to me, and no matter how much I beg you won’t tell me what happened. I can’t be around a person like that.”
Her words went through his heart. He was both confused and at the same time completely in step. What she had said was what he was believing, but she was saying that it was him that had become distant. He has been hurt by her being distant.
This had become too much. It was time that everything was put out there. She may hate him, she may ask to get out of the car, or she may shoot him; but the time had come for him to be totally honest.
“More than anything I have ever wanted in my life, I want to try to be that person you say that I was before. I want to be the guy you call, the guy you laugh with, the guy you cry to, the guy that holds you when you’re scared and the guy that you hold when you are happy. I know you want that guy, but you have made me believe that I am not him. I’m not saying I want to marry you or that I am in love with you; but I want to explore what I am feeling about you . . . with you. But you aren’t feeling the same things, you said so yourself. So I became distant and secretive to protect you from hearing what you didn’t want to hear.”
She let out a laugh and responded, “When have I ever told that I don’t have feelings for you?”
“You haven’t actually said that.” He answered, “But you ignore me when I tell you how I feel and you keep insisting that we are just friends.”
She smiled as her mood began to change, “I never said I wanted to be JUST friends, I said I wanted to be friends. To me that is a lot, and maybe we just are stumbling over words. And yes I didn’t respond when you once told me how you felt. I was scared to tell you. I didn’t know how I felt, but like you I definitely want to find out together.”
He immediately pulled the car over to the side of the road. He put it in park and lunged at her to kiss her, she moved towards him. Their seatbelts stopped them just short though. They both laughed while still leaning towards each other. The she stopped, and reached out taking his tie in her hand. She was looking right into his eyes.
“It sounds like we have something to talk about tonight. Maybe that room would be a good idea after all.”
