My Journal 150

This past weekend I found a bunch of my old writing. I will share my work with you over time. But for today, this is what a woman should know when she cares for a man.

1.    TAKE CARE OF HIS EGO – You are the ONLY person that could destroy it.

2.    MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHAT HE WANTS NOT WHAT YOU THINK HE WANTS – Ask him and truly listen to his words.

3.    BEING A SUPPORT AGENT – His world is to support, but sometimes he needs some too.

4.    BECOME HIS LOVER NOT HIS MOTHER – He left her for YOU.

5.    BE A VAMP, A WOMAN AND A LADY – Give him all three and he will never need to find another.

6.    SURPRISE HIM (NUDITY AT THE DOOR, TICKETS TO SEE HIS FAVORITE TEAM, BREAKFAST IN BED, ETC.) – It shows him you were thinking of him.

7.    DONT COMPARE HIM TO YOUR PAST MAN – You left that man, appreciate what you have.

8.    KILL HIM WITH KINDNESS – There will be enough difficult times, be kind.

9.    LOVING HIS STRENGTHS AND NUTURING HIS WEAKNESSES

10. BECOMING HIS BEST FRIEND (LEARN TO LOVE WHAT HE LOVES) – He wants you to be that for him.

11. DONT JUDGE HIM BASED OFF YOUR PAST EXPERIENCES - EVERY MAN AND SITUATION IS DIFFERENT.

12. DONT TRY TO CHANGE HIM (WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET) – What attracted you to him is what you like.

13. HAVING A LIFE OF YOUR OWN (DONT BECOME CO-DEPENDENT) – Be independent, but always come home to his bed.

14. TELL HIM VERBALLY THAT YOU APPRECIATE HIM (CONCENTRATE ON HIS POSITIVE ATTRIBUTES, LEARN TO BUILD HIM) – Tell him, don’t assume that he knows or is sure.

15. TRUST HIM UNTIL YOU HAVE A GOOD REASON NOT TOO

16. DONT MAKE HIM GUESS WHAT YOU WANT – He tries to guess, but neither of you know when he is right.

17. PRAISE HIM IN PUBLIC, PROTEST IN PRIVATE

18. LOVE HIS FAMILY (AS MUCH AS YOU CAN) – Ask about them often and offer to visit.

19. LEARN TO APPRECIATE THE WAY HE SAYS I LOVE YOU - REMEMBER THE NON-VERBAL SPEAKS LOUDER THAN THE VERBAL, SOMETIMES.

20.  REMIND HIM OFTEN OF WHY YOU CHOSE TO LOVE HIM – He may forget, tell him EXACTLY how you feel.

My Journal 149

A Memorial Day Riddle

You are walking down a path when you come to a fork in the road. One fork leads to instant death, and one fork leads to happiness, but you don’t know which is which. There is a man standing at each fork. One man ALWAYS lies and one man ALWAYS tells the truth, but you don’t know which one is lying and which one is telling the truth. What one question could you ask of either man that would guarantee that you took the path to happiness?

If you can’t figure it out, I will trade for an answer!

My Journal 148

I am very into my music. I am very specific with my music, but I do love what I love. Mostly it’s the lyrics that make a song great for me. I hear a song for the first time and I can remember the lyrics, but seldom the tune. Now, the music is important which is why one of my genres in Smooth Jazz. But what will really trip my breaker is a good hard rock song with a definite beat and lyrics that tell a story.

Also, when I meet someone or have a fantastic experience the song in the background gets “tagged” to that person. Whenever I hear that song again, whether I like it or not, I think of that person or event. Each of you have a song that reminds me of you too.

Also, I am sure all of you have heard of a birthday list. It’s when someone makes a list of all the crap they would like for their birthday. Well, I have a list of things that I want to DO while listening to a specific song.

These are the things I would LOVE to do to music.

[Footnote – The term THE ONE is used below. This is my phrase for that one woman out there somewhere that is just for me; you know the one that will eventually walk down that damn beach with me at sunset]

~

Make passionate love with THE ONE for me.                     Great White – Rock Me

Have crazy wild ass sex with someone.                            Berlin - Sex

Kiss THE ONE for the first time.                                       Vargo – Back to Serenity

Walk down a beach at moonlight with THE ONE.                Santana – Black Magic Woman

Sip wine by a fireplace on a cold night.                            Gerry Rafferty – Baker Street

Enjoy the ULTIMATE candle light dinner for two.                Lori Carson – Fall in the Light

Receive oral sex.                                                           Queen – Get Down, Make Love

Run and place in a marathon.                                          Bill Conti – Gonna Fly Now (Rocky theme)

Fight the guy that tried to threaten me.                            Survivor – Eye of the Tiger (Rocky III theme)

Sail away on a Cruise ship with a hot blonde.                   Cascadia – Truly! Madly! Deeply!

Celebrate my first anniversary with THE ONE.                  Bill Medley – I’ve had the Time of my Life

~

Ok, be honest with me. How many of these songs have you actually heard?

I’m in the warehouse tomorrow so you may not get a posting. If not, have a great weekend and I hope to see some of you this weekend as well.

Enjoy your Memorial Day Weekend!

Just remember why we remember too!

God bless America . . . . and may God bless you too.

My Journal 147

First, have you ever been called a Creature of Habit? I think that everyone is one. We all have our quirks and set patterns. We get the same coffee from the same shop every working day. We drive the same routes daily. We all have something like our “fish night”. It’s inevitable, we all develop patterns.

But suppose you had to do the opposite?

In my other life that was one of the things that they beat into me. Never do the same thing twice. It is a seriously hard habit to break. And these guys didn’t take the “rewards” approach with their training methods. Nope, they were more like the newspaper to the snout. Their form of training was to completely break me down; physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Once they accomplished this goal (and they always accomplished their goals), they built me up exactly the way that they wanted.

When I left that job, I had to go through months of adjustment training. One of the big points that they pushed was from that day forward, never do the same thing twice. And after living that way for over a year, it was sort of easy to begin my new life in the same fashion. But real life is different. It constantly urges you to develop patterns.

So, today I look at my life and I have many patterns. I don’t know when it started, but “poof”, here I am. I am again a creature of habit. For the majority of the world that really isn’t a bad thing. But for me with my past it could be. I seriously doubt that I still have enemies like that, but there could be some seriously upset individual out there somewhere that is still looking for me. And if they find me, these patterns could be a really bad thing.

Next, a friend said they looked up my address on the internet recently. I did check myself and believe it or not it is my correct address. But you will also notice that there are no pictures of me anywhere on the internet. Anything I do, I do discretely. I was told that this is important. And for many years my former employer would “dump” a bunch of mis-information about me on the internet. I was told that this was a Standard Operating Procedure.

And guess what? I have had different names in my life too. One was WAY COOL! Today I think that most of this is truly an over kill. But again, I have no idea who is lurking out there somewhere with a big hard on to find me again.

And now I wonder why anyone puts pictures of themselves on the internet. There do exist some special search engines that actually search within protected areas and pull back results. So as a test, I picked one of you and ran a search for pictures. I had a friend that had been doing another search for me and found nothing with that search. So I convinced them to run one more search on one of you.

I came up with over 100 pictures. There were party pictures, romantic pictures, crazy pictures, embarrassing picture, drunken pictures, nude pictures, family pictures and the basic head shots. And all this was from one simple search on a protected program. I was amazed. Not at what I found, but at what people will have on the internet. People, nothing is truly hidden. So keep that in mind when you post your crazy night sex pictures. (Yup, those too) Someone can see them.

Next, I just don’t get Facebook and MySpace. I got an email from this blog company about “linking” my pages to a Facebook account. So I decided to join the current century and try to set up a page. I still don’t know if I have done it right. And seriously, there is nothing to do on that page. I have no friends and I have no idea how to find friends. I can’t figure out how to link my words here to that page either. I don’t know what to do there. All I get is some screen demanding that I enter a phone number to proceed.

Screw that!

I hear that people use these pages to “chat” with their friends. I don’t get that either. If I ever want to talk to someone I go to their house and knock on the door. If they are too far away I use this old invention called a telephone and call them. Did you know you can actually hear their voice through this device? It is amazing.

Now you can call me old fashion if you want, but to me a face to face conversation is incredible. For me to be sitting next to a beautiful woman, “chatting” live with her, watching her facial expressions and body language, getting her immediate and uncensored responses, and being able to walk her out and into a nice bed somewhere HAS to be better than typing to someone on a computer. Touching someone has to be so much better than “friending” them.

Next, I do get this “Friends with Benefits” thing. Personally, I have never requested this form of a relationship; but in my past I manufactured many. They were secret and private too. But now it’s open and public. This SA chick asked me for that type of a relationship a while back. Honestly, I use it JUST for my benefit. This chick is sort of crazy about me, so I can simply show up and say, “DO THIS” and she does it. No matter how weird or awkward, it’s always a resounding yes from her.

Now this will sound bad, but I am just trying to make a point. To me this chick is simply “plumbing”. I use her to move fluids. I seriously do absolutely nothing to pleasure her, and she is fine with that. But there isn’t even a tiny bit of attraction on my part. As soon as I am done, I leave. And to be honest with you, I would really like to have a friend that I find attractive with which to be.

But even though I am a very direct person, I find it difficult to simply ask someone I care about, “Hey, I find you attractive and I enjoy sex. Do you want to just get together once ever few weeks and play?” I mean I wouldn’t have a problem with that relationship if I found the person attractive and cared for them. It would be the kind of sex I enjoy. The type where I get my rocks off by getting my partner off so many times that they ask me to stop.

I guess the part that makes this conversation difficult for me is that I want that emotional attraction as well. Seriously, I would like to have someone that I cared about and could call and say, “I’m on my way right now, and I would like to have romantic and passionate sex tonight”. Then maybe next week she calls me and says, “Come over right now, I want to have wild animal sex.” Or maybe, after a tough day I could call and say, “Hey, can you give me a quick BJ to relax me?”

I just can’t figure out how to begin that conversation. And if the answer is a slap to my face, do I lose that person from my life?

Next, I really dislike the acronym LOL. When I first saw it I had no idea what it meant. It has been explained to me it stands for “Laugh out Loud”. But I sort of doubt that this is the ONLY interpretation. I have received this many times and I have interpreted it numerous different ways.

It appears to me that some people use this acronym to send a very different message. It seems to me that at times people are afraid to say what is really on the tip of their tongue, so they substitute this for that. So here is a list of my recent interpretations of the acronym LOL.

·          Fuck NO!

·          Fuck off!

·          Are you fucking serious?

·          Ain’t no fucking way!

·          You are a fucking moron!

Hmmm, maybe some people just don’t like to cuss in a text message. Look, it’s me. JUST BE HONEST!

Next, I got a good chuckle last night. Now for those of you who may not know me, I am 6’1” tall and about 200 pounds. I run daily and lift weights every other day. Basically, I don’t look like a victim.

I am pulling into a gas station. I am travelling on the side of the building and about to make a right turn towards the front of the building. After that turn the pumps would be to my left. I realize that there are no lanes in gas stations, but as I make the right turn I stay to the right.

Another vehicle had pulled out of a parking space to my right and in front of me. They are beginning to make a left turn towards me. I simply stop to give them room to finish their turn. But apparently the driver was in a bad mood. Somehow, my being there where I was supposed to be was problematic to him going through the area where he wasn’t supposed to be.

I left plenty of room for him to make his turn safely. Yet he chose to “sit” on his horn. Again, I assume he was in a bad mood already. Well, honking at me is a minor irritation. I have so much going on in my life that I don’t have time to pay attention to just anyone that honks at me for no reason. But to this guy I was the center of his universe. So he stops in front of me and gets out of his car, cussing loudly.

I really had no interest in his problems, and no intention of getting out of my car. But he was blocking me and pounding on his car signaling me to get out of my car. I finally got tired of waiting and stepped out of my car. I walked away from my car door, looked him dead in the eye, and loudly asked, “WHAT?”

If you could have seen the look on this guys face you would have laughed also. It’s like he immediately realized that I was bigger than him; and not afraid even a little bit. He backed up, apologized and murmured that he thought I was someone else.

Geez people, do some research before you try to be a tough guy!

Oh well, that is enough for today. Don’t forget the two favors I have asked.

My Journal 146

Again, I am trying not to discuss my personal life. But I am sort of excited about how this long weekend is shaping up for me.

I bit the bullet and checked in with LL again. I suggested we do something Thursday or Friday night, trying to re-connect. She is checking her schedule. Geez, it blows me away how women have to check their schedule. Oh, wait a minute. Based on my journal about female responses she is not too interested. Hmmm! (Kidding LL)

Banana-Rama may be in Houston for the weekend. Yippee! She promises me that we will see each other if she in fact makes it here. I’m so looking forward to seeing her; she makes me smile a lot.

Even LovelyGirl has requested some of my time. So one evening I will plant my butt on the couch, put on some smooth jazz, and we will have a 4 hour phone chat. Sometimes talking to her can be brutal, but she is always honest and smacks me back in line. Seriously, I love talking to people, especially to her. That should be fun.

Argh . . . and yup, I will make the trek to SA again one afternoon this weekend. Hey, we all have urges and needs right?

And for my grand finale, I will prepare one of my 14 hour smoked briskets for Memorial Day. I may even smoke some ribs. Mmmm! Other than my visits with you beautiful ladies, I will be spending this holiday alone. But for me that’s a good thing; I don’t like too many people.

Niki-Cole is too new to warrant any of my Holiday time yet. Sorry luv, too many friends and too few days. Well, maybe a short trip next weekend since she has invited me so sweetly.

Actually, only Sunshine was too busy to see me. Your loss. (I’m kidding). Seriously, she’s taking her son camping which is so sweet to do. Or maybe she’s attending a nudist biker convention; you never really get the WHOLE story from her! (Hehehe)

I am truly blessed to have friends like all of you.

STOP LAUGHING!

Today we will discuss “back door” sex. I know, we’re looking for new followers and perhaps this isn’t the most appropriate topic. But I can’t help the thoughts that “pop” into my mind. So work with me here.

Relax; I will try very hard to keep this as clean as possible . . . as we all should. Anyway, I was given a list from the woman that took my virginity when I was a mere punk kid. She was a much older woman, probably in her late 30’s back then. I was a mere 13 or 14 years of age. Anyway, she addressed this topic on the list she gave to me. It was a list to ultimately satisfy women.

I do consider myself EXTREMELY fortunate to have stumbled into this woman as my first. She was a very good teacher, and I worked very hard at mastering the trait at her urging. She taught me that it truly was all about pleasure, and emotions were just the ultimate gravy.

She was very astute. I kept the list of 5 things she gave to me and use them almost always. So far I’ve had very good reviews. I won’t cover the entire list as I think I have already done that in a previous journal. Yet if anyone wants to know, just invite me over. I’ll be more than happy to give you a live demonstration. Anyway, the one I will discuss today is as follows:

NEVER ask to do the “back door”. If your woman wants you to do it you will know it without a doubt.

I had a chat once with LL about this particular action; and no, I wasn’t asking her to let me. Her contention is that if a guy wants that then he is secretly gay. That scared the crap out of me, because I do think about it from time to time. But I think that maybe she is a bit overly jaded on this topic.

I’ve sort of figured out that there are two types of guys when it comes to sexual patterns. One type has a routine that they follow regardless of the partner or the circumstances. You know, step one do this. Step two do that. It never changes. I guess I sort of fit into the second type. We are the types that have no routine at all. It’s all based on the moment and these imaginative thoughts bouncing around in my head, and of course the courage of my partner.

Ok, yes. I do have a couple of things that just really wind me up. And I will maneuver to these scenarios in most instances when it is my turn. But it’s the preliminary work that can be flexible. If I notice a good response in my partner from something, I continue and try to improve that particular action. If I get a limited response I will move to another action. I adapt.

To take it one step further, I like to be unique. I like to try new things and experiment with angles and positions. Some have been amazing and some have flopped. But I am always willing to try something different, even on a first encounter. I think that my group or type is the ones that wonder about “back door” sex because it’s something different.

I’ve found that for the most part that women are all certain with their thoughts on this action. They either absolutely and without a doubt will not do it no matter what, or they swear by it. There is very few “tweeners” on this topic amongst the female sex.

So I have done this before with a woman; and yes, I was asked . . . nay BEGGED to do it. Ok, she is a freak! This woman really enjoys it, and since my goal is honestly to give my partner pleasure I acquiesce. It is a very different feeling from a guy’s standpoint. I sort of liken it to perhaps a virgin, yet a slightly deformed virgin.

Anyway, it’s not one of my favorites. Not due to the sensation because it is a very unique sensation. It’s more like a limiter if you know what I mean. It’s like once you’re into it, that’s it. Basically, I scrub the shit out of myself (literally) afterwards and that sort of ruins the mood . . . if you know what I mean. And like I said, I get enjoyment with change and diversity. You know, like switching positions and locations a lot. And this sort of stymies my creativity.

Actually, this one chick wanted to . . . Uhhhh . . . switch locations rather quickly. Now I don’t tend to be disgusted too easily, but the thought of that really sort of freaked me out. So I didn’t switch.

What can I say, even I have limits.

So, for those females that have tried it I commend you. I do like that pioneer spirit. And by trying it you can make up your own mind as to if you enjoy it or not. For those that haven’t I ask why not? Again, it’s not my favorite thing to do but at least I tried it so I know. I would suggest that every female ask some guy to try it with her once, just to see for yourself.

As for me, just ask. But understand that I will have to make it the grand finale!

[And I don’t mean my world famous brisket either!]

My Journal 145

I listen to heavy metal while I run or workout. I was flipping through my CD’s last night in preparation for a workout and I found an old DVD. It was “It’s a Wonderful Life” from like 50 years ago. What a great movie, and no I didn’t watch it again last night. But as I was thinking about it I remembered my comment from last week about what would the world be like if I wasn’t here. This thought is what that particular movie is all about.

Jimmy Stewart gets so frustrated with his life that he wants to take his own. But he is given a chance to see what the world would be like if he were never born. Wow, what I would give to have that opportunity.

I am conceited; I will grant you that trait. But I am not so conceited to think that my demise on one of the many occasions where it should have happened would drastically change anything. The world ticks at its own pace and we can’t do much to change it. Yet I was told many times that the things I did were to preserve America. I doubt I really had any measurable impact, but what if I did?

What if I failed in my previous life? What if I were a quitter? What if I were too weak? Would we all be enjoying the life we have today? Honestly?

Probably!

But maybe something I did changed the course a millimeter. Would a tiny change from 30 years ago cause a huge change in the world today?

We could ponder this forever. But why? It changes nothing.

So then I wondered how all the people I know would be affected today if I never made it to 2011. When I was shipped away my family had no idea where I was or what I was doing. If I had failed then they would never have been told a single word. To this day they would probably still be wondering what happened. They would probably have searched the globe for me and found nothing. But I know them, they would hold out hope that I was alive until they found my body. It would have been hell for them.

I won an award for heroism last year based on something I did a few years ago. I had the mayor, council members and the whole crew there to present me with an award for going above and beyond the call to help my fellow man (or in this case a woman). I would guess that this particular woman is very happy that I was still alive on that particular day.

I think I played a vital role in this business too. I helped start it and have taken years of abuse to keep it going. And most of my readers worked here at one time or another. So I guess that helped you somewhat. Or maybe it just made you insane, who knows?

I helped LovelyGirl once. Maybe that was something.

I also hope that each of you know that in spite of my personal promise to myself never to hurt anyone ever again, I would literally annihilate anyone that hurts any of you . . . . and their friends . . . . and their family . . . . and their dog.

Other than that, I got nothing.

I realize that I already have you working on a project for me, which is to find me three new hot babes . . . I mean three new readers to follow my journal. But with Memorial day next week, where they honor everyone that served our country (and technically I didn’t); and with the first week of July right around the corner (and most of you know that I disappear for a while then); I sort of hoped you would do me one more favor.

Either send me naked pictures of you, or write down what you think your specific world would be like today if I had never made it home from my previous life. I know its self serving. But everyone deep inside really wants to know if they have made a difference, me included.

Hmmm, maybe I would prefer the pictures?!?!?

Be honest with me. If you really feel l haven’t affected your world one iota, or if you are worse off from knowing me then tell me. I know that I am pushy, aggressive, obstinate, brutally honest and sort of an ass. But whatever it is tell me. Yes, it’s selfish. Sue me!

Illogical69@live.com

My Journal 144

Since I do consider being faithful a very important promise, I would like to re-visit the event from this weekend.

At times in my life I actually did have women that I promised to be faithful to. And believe it or not, I truly expected that promise to be mutual. I am a typical guy, but I do not get jealous often if at all. I am not possessive and encourage women to go out on their own if they want. Actually, they usually come back rather “in the mood” which works for me. I also believe that some time away from your partner is a good thing. Go dancing, drinking, laughing, flirting or whatever. It is ok. Just go home to your partner when you want to be laid.

But I will say that I am territorial. This means that if a lady promises to be naked only with me then I consider her body my property. If someone “pokes” into my property then I have an issue. My issue would not be with the other person but with my person. And to be totally honest, if my person ever wants to “run around” all they have to do is tell me. The moment they do then they are no longer my property and can do as they please, as can I.

I share this so that you understand where my head is on this issue. I am flexible, but once the promise is made I am going to uphold it no matter what. If I ever want to be with someone else, I will share this information with the person whom I already promised to be faithful. I can’t cheat because someone is potentially going to be hurt. Basically people can do what they want as long as they are honest about it up front.

Comprende?

So knowing all this, I was a bit put off that two married women suggested a sexual encounter with me. Folks, it is not like I misunderstood something either. One woman followed me outside once when I stepped out for a quick dip. She offered to perform oral sex right then and there. The second was dancing with me and whispered in my ear that her husband would be gone Sunday and I should come by for some fun.

Call me crazy if you will, but I did very sternly say no. Let me make this very clear, I DO NOT SOCIALIZE WITH TAKEN WOMEN. Seriously, if you want to knock boots with me then leave your partner the right way and I’d be more than happy to give you pleasure. But until then, go home to your partner!

I guess it gets back to my honesty issues. If you really want to “play the field” then don’t be in a relationship. If you want someone to be yours then don’t give yourself to anyone else. Be honest with yourself first, and then your partner.

I will guess that there are hundreds of guys that if put in the situation I was in they would have acquiesced. And I am told that if you are single then you are not violating any rules if a “taken” person wants to have sex with you behind their partners back. But to me it’s just not right. I don’t want to be a party to a situation like that.

Maybe I am weird, or the only one in the world that feels this way, but it’s my belief.

I have not always been this way. Heck, my first time was with a married woman. And in my prime I used to actually try to nail the chick that was so committed to her man just to prove that I could. And believe it or not, most of the time I did nail them. But looking back on it I feel like a turd.

Sex is just sex. It’s having orgasmic pleasure with someone. And I did live through the 70’s so I am familiar with free love, and I encourage it. My problem is with the promise, and the honesty.

And yes, some forms of relationships do carry a promise even if it is not technically verbalized. These include being married, engaged, living with someone or being in an exclusive relationship. So even if you haven’t technically exchanged the promise, the arrangement in fact carries a promise.

Ok, I’m stepping down off of my soapbox now.