My Journal 088

Yesterday I was told that I was “SWEET”. I did in fact ask how or why I was sweet, but no answer was forthcoming. Now I hope that it was intended as a compliment in this instance, but I figure that you ladies should know exactly what you are saying when you call a guy sweet. Actually, some of you probably already know exactly what you are saying, but just in case let me to educate you. I made a list of some of the comments females will use and what it means to us guys.

YOU ARE SWEET – No matter how drunk I get, or how horny that I am, or how good you may look, or how charming you are . . . you will NEVER get any pussy here!

LET’S BE FRIENDS - No matter how drunk I get, or how horny that I am, or how good you may look, or how charming you are . . . you will NEVER get a blow job here!

I LIKE HANGING OUT WITH YOU - No matter how drunk I get, or how horny that I am, or how good you may look, or how charming you are . . . you will NEVER get to see tits here!

I THINK OF YOU AS MY BIG BROTHER - No matter how drunk I get, or how horny that I am, or how good you may look, or how charming you are . . . you will NEVER get to see me in only a thong and heels!

I LIKE YOU - No matter how drunk I get, or how horny that I am, or how good you may look, or how charming you are . . . you will NEVER get to lick me anywhere!

I LIKE TALKING WITH YOU - No matter how drunk I get, or how horny that I am, or how good you may look, or how charming you are . . . you will NEVER get to see me on my knees!

WHY DON’T WE HAVE LUNCH INSTEAD - No matter how drunk I get, or how horny that I am, or how good you may look, or how charming you are . . . you will NEVER get to see me naked!

Ok, I think you get the idea here. Basically we are back to the basics from one of my first journals. Geez ladies, we live in the same world with you. Now you may absolutely hate guys, or sex, or whatever; but we have to coexist. There is no other planet that we can move to yet. And there isn’t another option with which we can have sex.

So do us a tiny favor . . . BE FUCKING HONEST. Trust me, we can handle the truth. We PREFER the truth. You can’t hurt our feelings. We are big, rough and tough dudes. So come on! Quit with all the goofy ass comments.

Guys are never sweet. Whatever we do we are either just being stupidly honest because we don’t know any better; or we are trying to get our “winker” in your mouth or the mouth of some other chick that you have some pull over.

Guys don’t want to be friends with girls. Our friends are guys because they completely understand how screwed up everything is. Guys tell guys when we look like crap, when we have pissed someone off, and we honestly tell each other what we really want to do. And with guys we can burp and fart when we want. That’s the way we like things.

Guys don’t want to just hang out with girls. Seriously, we’re usually dropping a ton of dough when we hang out with a girl. Do you really think it is worth it just to be around you? We expect a return on our investments.

A Big Brother? What chick would screw her brother? Give us a break, we may be ignorant of your language but we are not morons.

Guys aren’t in this to be liked. We really don’t care if we are liked. We want to be admired, adored and the guy that you think of when you are taking your bath.

Guys don’t like to talk, and we truly suck at it. If we can seriously keep your attention with conversation for 30 minutes, we get a special guy award at a huge ceremony in New York. For the record, no one has ever won that coveted award yet. If we get you talking it’s just so we can see your lips move and make our fantasy that much better.

Guys don’t do lunch. We want you at night, in the dark, with lots of booze and loud music. It tends to dull your senses and makes your clothes fall off. No guy has ever gotten a blow job for a lunch date . . ever. Ummm . .  well . . ok, one time I did.

Ladies, we guys can handle playing the odds. Tell us that there is only a one in a million chance that you will screw us and we are not disappointed. We actually get excited, because we have A CHANCE. But once you say that there is ZERO chance, we’re gone. And these darn comments of yours tell us to go away.

I would absolutely love to ask a girl out one time and hear this:

“Yes, I will go out with you. You can spend all of your hard earned money buying me food, drinks, flowers and jewelry. You can take me to movies, dancing, concerts or the beach. But just to be honest with you, no matter what you do you won’t get any of this! Oh, and I will be going home every night after our date and becoming a sex slave to my fiancée who is a doctor . . . . or pull a train with the biker gang up the street.”

Shit, I would probably give all my money to that chick just for being honest!

So please, from the bottom of the hearts of every guy in the world, don’t tell us were sweet. Just be honest and say, “No sex, no way, no how”. That we understand.

Alright, while I am on my soap box here I’ve got something else to tell you. Since NONE of you apparently cared for your Valentine’s Story that I worked on for over a week (JUST FOR YOU), I decided to send it to a new chick. She LOVED it. She asked for more. She even asked me to write one about a certain sex act. Now THAT is appreciation.

So I will find a new “crew” to enjoy my stories and you can do without . . . since you obviously don’t enjoy them anymore!

AND maybe I will write here tomorrow or maybe I will just write a new story for my NEW friends.

Luv ya!

My Journal 087

Whew, another Valentine’s Day out of the way. The final tally is two “Happy Valentine’s Day” and zero “Be my Valentine” were offered to me. My record remains intact. Oh, and one “I’m so sorry” from the chick that passed out. (Being a good guy sucks)

That’s really not too bad of news. The REAL bad news is that now I have had two consecutive Valentine’s Days where I didn’t get laid. I definitely don’t want that trend to continue.

So now we can move on to bigger and better topics. Has anyone else noticed that before the end of March I will be on Journal 100? Hmmm, I need to do something special for that installment, just not sure what yet. I’ll think of something though.

Developing a relationship is a learning process, and we are quite often drawn to those who can teach us the most about ourselves.

I had started writing yesterday about the unfair advantage women have with their boobs. But as I was driving in to this place this morning, there was the most amazing moon shadowed in the most incredible way by the ONLY clouds in the sky. It reminded me of a time from my past.

I’m sure you have heard of the “Happy Place”. I’ve heard that when you get stressed you should close your eyes and visit your happy place and it will calm you down. I wasn’t sure I ever had a happy place. I mean I have always loved beaches; like Galveston, Padre Island, and Corpus Christi. I also love rodeos and being around livestock. But I guess my happy place was always just cranking up some rock music and disappearing into the haze.

But this morning I remembered something that may be my own happy place.

Back in High School, a friend and I stole some acid from the Chemistry Lab at the school. We drove to the airport and used the acid to burn a square out of the fence protecting the landing strip. We made it big enough to drive a vehicle through, and kept it in tact enough that we could re-attach it with twistys.

We were then able to drive our vehicles onto the field just in front of the landing strip. Then a group of us, guys and gals, could lay in our truck beds or on the hoods of the cars and just watch the night sky. But what made it totally amazing was that jets would fly right over us all night. It is the most incredible sensation you could ever imagine.

You would be lying still, completely relaxed from watching the moon and the clouds drifting by. Then you would spot these headlights in the distance. You could just watch as the magical bird drifted your way, slowly and powerfully. It would literally captivate my thoughts.

I would imagine the people on that jet. I would think about where they were coming from and where they were going. I could imagine business men and women, vacationers, guys racing home to be with their woman, and everything else. I could sense them gazing out their window in anticipation of what lie ahead. I could feel their excitement.

But the most beautiful part was when the jet passed overhead. We would set up just off of the landing strip that the jet was heading for. We used no lights so we were oblivious to the jet. It would blow right over our heads, maybe 50 feet above us. There was the loud noise of the huge jet engines as it approached, getting louder and louder. You couldn’t hear a thing. You basically were in your own silent world at that moment.

You would marvel at the lights, and watch as the wheels were released. The jet always looked like it was sitting still in the air as it approached. The only way I knew it was real was the flashing lights and the movement of the wheels being lowered. It was like this magical bird coming down from heaven to take away all your cares and concerns.

But then, the most incredible part was when it flew right over you. You could feel the power of the engines. You could also feel the wind as the jet split it forcing it to be held in the sky. Everything would vibrate. The ground and bushes would quake. The vehicles would bounce. And you body was completely immobilized by the thrusts.

At that moment, your senses were dead. You couldn’t see from the bright lights. You couldn’t hear from the jet engines roar. You could only smell the exhausts of the jet fuel. You couldn’t feel anything but the vibrations. The power generated by the jet overwhelmed you and consumed you.

Your entire world came to a halt for a few moments.

There was no pain or pressure in your life. Nothing mattered at that moment. Your mind was a complete blank from the sensory overload. You were a kid again without a care in the world, if only for a few passing seconds. Everything was happy.

There always was a little bit of a letdown after the jet had passed as you heard the tires screeching to a stop. Everyone would take a breath, but no one would speak. Thinking back, I never remember any conversations occurring in all the trips to the landing strip that were made. It was always silent, as if everyone was getting the same thrill and peace from this event.

But the let down would be short lived. As soon as the jet had cleared you would gaze back into the warm summer sky and you could spot the next jet on its approach.

I guess that this was my happy place. I just never realized it or remembered it until this morning. I’ve often talked about moments in life. Those special moments that makes life worth living. These moments and the memories of those moments are to me the meaning of life. I’m not here to do anything important, or to be here for someone else. I am here to enjoy these moments, and to remember them for a lifetime.

I guess the worst punishment would be to lose these moments. Dying isn’t a punishment, because you don’t know that you have forgotten about these moments. But being told that you have brain injuries, and within a year you will not have any memories about your past, including all your moments would be pure hell. How would you prepare for that?

Maybe you would write everything down; the things that make you smile, the people that you love, and the stories of you past and present. Then you would pray that if / when this finally happens, that one of your friends would guide you to your stories, so you could see who you are and what you did; even if it only stays with you for a moment.

But at least you could have that happy place for a while once again. And maybe they would do you one huge favor and tell you that you knew love.

My Journal 086

Yup, I know what today is. I mentioned it Friday; but maybe again later.

How about a few odds and ends? I didn’t get a single request for the ending to my story. Either my writing skills have diminished, or you ladies were so into your own men that you didn’t need me. I hope you got your chrome polished well.

I had my Bi-annual (every two year) interview with my old friends on Friday. I guess I began to realize that they really don’t care too much about me anymore. My first few interviews were with an army of senior investigators, professional shrinks and armed guards. It sort of made me feel important. But on Friday it was a lady agent right out of college.

She asked the typical questions before I finally asked if she had any idea why she was interviewing me. She looked up at me and said, “Don’t know Pop’s, but I guess you used to be somebody. Now do you mind, I’m in a hurry” How fast we fall, right. They did send me to the shrink again. It was just a lot of Blah, blah, blah. I was completely done in one hour and 37 minutes.

Oh and guess what, I have anger issues. GO FIGURE!!!!

Lovely Girl is still on my list of contacts, so you may get a call for an interview. No one else is.

My sister called me this weekend to tell me she again watched the movie “Varsity Blues” with James Vanderbeek and Paul Walker. When that movie first came out back in the 90’s she called me immediately to tell me it was definitely me and my buddies. She was right; it really is a movie about me and my buddies in High School. Every character is matched to someone from my life back then. So, watch it someday and see if you can figure out who I was.

Now for my weekend update. I had a gun pointed at me Friday. I was able to talk my way out of it. But I really don’t know how I always end up in that position.

LL talked to me Thursday and asked me to meet her Friday. She said if I was real nice that she had a nice friend to introduce me to. But LL never made it to work Friday, and I wasn’t driving all the way to her part of town. So we just decided to try another time.

Then Saturday she sends me this text message. I may have mentioned how much I hate text messages because it is so easy to misunderstand things. Well apparently this is the case. I read her text, and I’ve read it a dozen times since. I responded to the message I thought she was sending . . . and she blew a freakin’ gasket.

The next message I got was to never contact her again. Well, that usually means a week but we will see.

Speaking of hating text messages, I think I’ve told you I much prefer face to face chat. But phone chats are the next best thing. And I got to have a 3 hour chat with Banana-rama this weekend. As we were chatting, I realized that it had been a long time since we spoke on a phone, everything is emails and texts. I do speak to Kat weekly, and Lovely girl calls sometimes, usually when she’s pissed though. I can’t call Sunshine. Oh well, sorry ‘Nana, I’ll try to be better.

I also got to text a few times with Sunshine. We’re still not discussing anything of value yet, just the “How are you” and “What’s up” type of messages. But again, it’s baby steps. Oh, and just to make sure everyone knows, Sunshine DOES NOT reply to emails so please stop bugging me about it.

Now aside from having drinks with LL on Friday, I was also invited to visit my SA friend Saturday. But on Friday she informs me that she can’t meet up with me. So I planned on just getting hammered alone, when I figured why not go anyway. I love SA, it’s my old stomping ground. Plus I could use some excellent Mexican Food. So off I go.

Hours later, I check in with the friend. Low and behold, she has some time. But she has been drinking already and sounds a bit rough. She asks for some candy, and I oblige and go ahead and rent a room. She comes in, hits the candy and I walk down the hall to get some ice. When I return she is completely passed out.

I am a jerk, so I did think about just doing her passed out and limp body. But I guess over the years I’ve become more decent that not. So I covered her with a blanket, picked up my stuff and headed back to Houston. So much for my “wild ass sex” weekend. I’m tellin’ you, this “hooker” thing is looking better and better.

Finally, back to today. I mentioned Friday that all of you need to spend your time with someone special to you today. As for me, I love the concept of today; but I hate the day itself. You see everyone says “Happy Valentine’s Day”, and that is sweet. But in my opinion, it is a day to ask someone to be your Valentine. It should be someone you care about, not just a drinking friend. And for 50 straight years I have not been asked, nor asked anyone.

Hmmm, maybe that’s why I have anger issues.

I did send one card out this year. But, other than this page you won’t hear from me today. Enjoy your day, enjoy your Valentine, and we will chat again starting Tuesday.

My Journal 085

[I told someone I would keep the Valentine story clean. Sorry, when I give my word I stick to it. So I won’t finish it here. You can just assume “AND THEY LIVED HAPPILLY EVER AFTER” or you can email me at Illogical69@live.com and I will send you the real ending to your Valentine’s story.]

Ok, time for the Valentine’s edition of the Friday Shout outs.

Banana-rama – BIG KISS! You are definitely the best and I can’t wait for the Pork Chops and High Heels.

Lovely Girl – BIG LICK (J)! You don’t need to worry about me. Just send me more topless pictures and I’ll be fine.

LL – BIG HUG you HMPOA (I’ll leave that to the imagination) I love having you nearby again!

Now, on to today’s lesson.

An employee’s last day was yesterday. I had offered an “Exit Interview” and I was taken up on my offer. That interview prompted today’s journal.

Wouldn’t it be GREAT if life was like a job?

When you want someone in our life to fill a void, you could take out an advertisement. It could be for anything at all; a friend, a romantic partner, a sex partner, or anything. People would respond to this advertisement and you would select certain responses that you fancy to come by for an interview.

I would suggest never sending pictures, just like in business. I would rather hear someone speak than see a picture. I know that everyone uses Facebook and MySpace to share pictures, and I don’t use either. But if I did I wouldn’t look at other people’s pictures. I would rather get to know them from communicating with them first; but that’s just me.

You would interview the prospective candidates and pick the one that you believe is most suited to the role you require. Once you select, and if they accept, then you have a relationship starting. You could give them a policy and procedure book at that moment. By doing this, they now know the rules of being in a relationship with you.

You all know my Policy and Procedures already.

1. Like me.

2. Make time for me.

3. Be completely honest with me.

I don’t know, but to me my personal rules seem very simple. Yet you would be amazed how many people can’t seem to follow any of these and still want to be in a relationship with me. But I digress.

And yes, you could pick the wrong person occasionally. It happens. But you would learn from your selection mistakes and make better choices the next time. You could learn how to better spot someone that is “fluffing” or the more common word . . . deceiving. Even I have been fooled into believing some people. But I learn from those people too. I learn when NOT to believe.

During the relationship you could have scheduled performance reviews as a requirement to the original agreement. This is where the two of you make time to sit down together and discuss everything that has happened, good or bad. You could also discuss new goals or objectives and give constructive criticism. Then both people would know exactly what it takes to move the relationship forward in a positive fashion.

THEN (and to me this is the most important advantage), when or if the relationship dissolves you could have an exit interview.

I consider this the most important part of this fantasy about relationships, and YES IT IS ONLY A FANTASY. I’ve seen how easy it is to begin a relationship. To me it is easy because when we first meet someone we are sort of excited, like when we get that new job. In the beginning of every relationship there is a lot of communication. We tell the other person everything, we call and send messages constantly, it all pours out like a broken faucet. I think that is why relationships are so easy to start.

Yet in most cases the relationship dissolves. I believe that this is 100% due to a complete breakdown in the communication that you once shared. One or both people quit communicating (I’m so busy, I’ve been out of town, I needed to be with my family, etc) And in all the instances I have had, I really had no idea what I may have done wrong, what changed, or why the communication ceased.

So a required exit interview would be to uncover all this information. The person could tell you what you may have done wrong, and give you a chance to explain, clarify or rectify. You could tell them what you felt went wrong and give them a chance to explain, clarify or rectify also. Now, in all honesty, I believe that if this exit interview occurs then the rate of relationships dissolving would be reduced drastically. I mean if you start a relationship with someone then you obviously saw something in them that interested you. I doubt that initial “main thing” really went away. It probably just got lost.

So by having the exit interview you can accomplish two major goals. First, you would have to re-establish communication. I would say that 9 times out of 10 this simple process would salvage a relationship destined for the trash heap. Second, you could learn what if anything you are doing wrong. You could hear how you gave a bad impression or led someone to believe something. I believe that in most cases both people would remember why they began the relationship in the first place. And maybe they could then see that whatever it was that caused them to have this exit interview was not NEARLY as important as the person sitting across from them at that precise moment.

Alas, it’s just a fantasy though. In reality we just have a big fight and never speak again or we just slowly drift apart. That is the unfortunate reality. It’s happened to me a thousand times, and it’s happening to me today. Geez, what I would give to have an exit interview process today.

Oh well, like I said IT IS JUST A FANTASY.

Ok, so this weekend is the infamous Valentine’s weekend. Everyone “snuggles up” with someone they love. Gifts are exchanged, kisses are shared, and romance abounds. I love holidays where the main goal is to get someone naked.

So do me a favor. Each of you right now are seeing in your mind a certain someone that YOU would like to snuggle with for Valentine’s Eve. It could be someone with which you are currently in a relationship. It could be someone that you haven’t gotten close to yet. Or it could be someone with which you currently want to have an exit interview.

Whoever that person is . . . . go to them. Telling someone that you love them and being rejected is truly painful. But not telling someone how you feel, and losing them while maybe they felt the same way, is far more painful. This is the free pass weekend anyway. So go do it!

I definitely know who is on my mind, and I know exactly the two words I would say to them. But I’m too much of an “I’M ALLWAYS RIGHT” type of a person so I won’t do shit. DON’T BE ME!!!

I hope that you all get roses, chocolates, wine, candles, kisses, back massages, and all the romance (or sex) that you desire this weekend. Be with the one that loves you, make up with the one with which your arguing, go to that one person that you secretly desire. Throw caution to the wind and do what is best for you.

As for me, I’m going a different route this year. I’ve screwed up too many relationships to have a Valentine. I prefer people that know what they want, and take it when it’s in front of them. I like people that don’t play games and have the guts to be honest. So I will visit someone that has made it clear they don’t want a friendship or a relationship. They know specifically what they want. That makes my life easy, and I could use a weekend of EASY!

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY LADIES. I do love all of you! Just don’t think about me when your legs are in the air and you’re clutching the headboard this weekend.

Well, maybe once would be alright. (Hehehehe)

My Journal 084

A Valentine’s Day Surprise

Did she just ask me to be her Valentine?

Wow, this night is going so different that he had thought. He was simply sneaking in for a quick peek at the woman he secretly loves. He was comfortable just knowing that she is safe and happy. But now he is sitting with her, she is buying him drinks and directing him to check out her new heels, and her breasts . . . oops, I mean her necklace; and now she has her hand on his hand and could be asking him to be her Valentine.

She looks so incredible in this light. Her skin glistens, her eyes sparkle, and her perfume soaks his senses. He remembers their moments together; holding her in his arms, caressing her body, the taste of her soft skin and the emotions she brings to life inside of him.

REMAIN CALM SCOTTY BOY!

He collected his thoughts for a moment and finally came upon an answer.

“Well Becca, since I’m not seeing anyone special, and since it is only fate that brought us together here tonight (He chuckles to himself) then I would be honored to have you as my Valentine if you want to be.”

Ok, he had put it out there. He had made the big commitment. He had either set himself up for appearing to be a prince charming or the butt of her jokes for the next calendar year. He looked directly into her brown eyes, trying to anticipate her response. It had been less than a second, but father time had shut down in his world. He felt her squeeze the top of his hand and . . .

“I would love to be your Valentine Scott!”

Those words damn near sent him off into outer space. He saw fireworks in his mind, like the biggest 4^th of July show anyone could ever imagine. His heart was racing so fast that if he was hooked up to a heart monitor the doctors would be injecting him with all kinds of stuff to slow it down. This was one of those moments in life a person never forgets.

Moments like this are few and far between. Some people never get to have one. Some people never realize that it is happening. But not him. He knows that this moment will be etched in his soul for an eternity. He knows that even as he parades around in heaven many years from now, that this moment will still be as fresh in his heart as it is now.

Maybe that is what love really is.

“Sure Becca” he managed to mouth the words, “But can I ask you something?”

Where in the hell did that come from? He was all primed and set to spend Valentine’s Eve with the most amazing, beautiful and sexy woman he ever met. He was sitting with the woman he romanced in his mind daily. He was in a moment, a moment that he was controlling. It was a moment that he could make last for hours; or an eternity.

How in the heck did those words slip out? He suddenly felt like such a fuck up.

He watched as her expression changed slightly. She went from extremely confidant to mildly confused. He just may have ruined everything . . . again! His heart plummeted to the floor in anticipation. He thought about some other stupid question he could ask like, “So why did your dad pick those shoes?” But even though he knew he had screwed up, part of him (a tiny part DEEP inside of him) was cheering the position he was in right now.

She leaned in towards him, he guessed so she could hear his question clearly.

“Ask me anything.” Was her reply.

He panicked for a moment. He again contemplated his position, remembering how he had screwed this up once before. He remembered all the pain and agony that he had suffered through before. He definitely couldn’t survive a second screw up of that magnitude. A mere 5 minutes ago he never would have considered asking this question. He never would have imagined being in this position either.

Yet the question was out there.

But he also thought that he may never have this chance again. He figured that this was his one chance to “swing for the fence” as opposed to taking the pitch and always wondering what if. He suddenly couldn’t figure out why the word LOVE is such a difficult word to share. Everyone loves, and everyone wants to be loved. So why couldn’t people share this word to describe their emotions without being scoffed at and ridiculed? But he had to ask it in the right way. He had to give himself a loop hole to get out if it all blows up in his face. . again.

“Becca, I came here tonight just to have a quick drink (Yes, he was still lying) and yet I ran into you. My first instinct was to run and hide because of what happened the last time we talked. I didn’t think you ever wanted to talk to me again. So I guess my question is did something change or was I just mistaken?”

The mildly confused look on her face turned into more of a concerned look instantly. His emotions were at a peak. It was as if his entire well being hinged on the next words to come out of her mouth. And suddenly, that little part deep inside of him was hiding. He had wanted to know, but now he worried that it may have been a mistake. And with every beat of his heart this fear grew. Fortunately his heart was beating at a thousand beats a second, so time wasn’t really ticking away as fast as he felt it was.

She reached out her other hand, slipping it underneath his and locking her fingers in his hand. She leaned closer towards him and gently kissed his cheek.

“Why don’t we just enjoy tonight right now? I promise to answer your question tomorrow. But for tonight, let’s just forget the past year and enjoy what we used to have. Maybe we can find it again?” She whispered.

It wasn’t an admission of love on her part, but it was an invitation for something. He placed his free hand on her cheek and softly kissed her lips. It reminded him of the passionate and sensuous kisses that they had shared in the past. It was romantic, sweet and the perfectly gentle Valentine’s kiss.

But it apparently wasn’t enough for her. As he began to pull back, she released his hand and grabbed the back of his head, pulling him back to her lips. The moment their lips met her tongue slid past his lips and began searching his mouth. His tongue met hers as he turned his head to the side and kissed her deeply. He still had one hand on her face, and he had moved the other cautiously to her thigh.

She lowered one of her hands, finding his hand on her lap, and sliding it slowly up her thigh. Her dress slid up with his hand. He went from fearful to completely aroused in a flash. She moaned quietly as his hand maneuvered higher up her thigh.

But he remembered that he was in a public place, and this definitely wasn’t the time or place for this type of behavior. He slowly ended their kiss without moving his face from in front of hers. He wrapped both arms around her and slowly opened his eyes to meet hers gazing back at him.

“I think I’d like to be alone with you, is that ok?” she whispered.

“Sure” he answered, “I know a quiet Chinese place nearby where we can have a private dinner together.”

She smiled amusingly at him. “I’m seriously not interested in dinner tonight. I am interested in being with you . . . . alone . . . . and getting wild like we never have before.”

He heard every word. She didn’t say that she wanted to be with “just anyone”. She specifically said that she wanted to be with HIM. Then another thought hit him! She said she “wanted to get wild”. He was so aroused at this moment. But in an instant he began thinking about his wants and needs. Yes, he definitely would enjoy “getting wild” with her. But he feared it would make him want more, the whole “kit and caboodle” so to speak.

Was this an offer for a new type of relationship? He could happily share his body with her for one night, but would he be able to let her walk away without sharing his life? Would he be able to down shift from a night of romance, pleasure and passion to simply being her buddy tomorrow? Should he discuss this with her now?

Gosh he needed to get laid!

He took her hand in his as he stepped off of the bar stool.

“I know just the right place” he replied, “So let’s go make this Valentine’s Eve memorable!”

They walked out the door side by side with her head on his shoulder as they gazed at each other.

To Be Continued

Ummm, obviously this story is now becoming a little sexual. I haven’t decided yet if I will post this or just ask you to contact me for an email copy. I did promise someone I'd keep it clean. Tune in tomorrow for further instructions.

My Journal 83-B

I have a brief interruption to your Valentine’s Day story / gift.

I watched a movie this weekend titled “The Honest Truth” with Gerald Butler. It is an excellent movie by the way. But in the movie Butler plays a role of a man who tells the truth about men and relationships from a male point of view. It sort of reminded me of me.

No, I am not saying that I look like Butler. I am saying that the role he plays is me. He portrays a guy that had relationships, but was finally hurt deeply. He abandoned all relationships and just played around while giving advice on how men think. Of course he meets and eventually falls in love with a girl that already has . . . .

Never mind. Anyway, there is also a song in the movie. The tune is beautiful, but the words are more amazing. So I wanted to share. Hope you enjoy!

"Take Me Away"

I cannot find a way to describe it
It's there inside; all I do is hide
I wish that it would just go away
What would you do, you do, if you knew
What would you do

Take me away
Break me away
Take me away

All the pain I thought I knew
All the thoughts lead back to you
Back to what was never said
Back and forth inside my head
I can't handle this confusion
I'm unable; come and take me away

Take me away
Break me away
Take me away

I feel like I am all alone
All by myself I need to get around this
My words are cold, I don't want them to hurt you
If I show you, I don't think you'd understand
Cause no one understands

Take me away
Break me away
Take me away

I'm going nowhere (on and on and)
I'm getting nowhere (on and on and on)
Take me away
I'm going nowhere (on and off and off and on)
(and off and on)

Take me away
Break me away
Take me away

My Journal 083

A Valentine’s Day Surprise

“Scott? Hey Scott, is that you?”

He froze. He knew who was behind him but he had to try to appear surprised when he turned to face her.

“Scott! It’s me . . . Becca!”

He knew this already. He had to face her. So he turned and smiled.

“Hey Becca! How have you been?” he asked.

He wasn’t even going to listen to her answer. He was so embarrassed to get caught. He had been driving by, spotted her car, and snuck in for a peek. He had a big crush on her, and had this crush for a while. She once had feelings for him too. The “good old days” he called them. But he had screwed it all up. He used the “L” word, and apparently she was nowhere near that emotional level then.

Her response to his past confession destroyed him. He had been so certain, not only of his feelings but of hers too. And he followed that up by over-reacting. He really way over-reacted and made a fool of himself. It was so bad she asked him never to contact her again. So on that day, the day he was all set to profess his love for her, it ended up with her crying and demanding he never come around again. What a train wreck.

He had actually avoided her for a while. But after about a week he tried calling her again, and she hung up on him. He waited another week. But he missed her so much that he started driving by her apartment late at night just to look at it. It became a bad habit; he started driving by about three times a week. And once he is sure she spotted him. Again, embarrassment.

That was over a year ago. They had a few mutual friends, so he was kept updated even when he didn’t want to be. He had heard about her dating life [Gag] and her work career. But he stayed away from her even though he thought about her a lot . . . too much in fact. And of course a mere month ago, in a drunken stupor, he called her at 2 am. He got her voice mail, but he can’t remember what he left. But again, he heard from their mutual friends what a fool he had been.

And then today, as he is simply driving home, he spots her car. Yes, he would recognize it anywhere. And before he knew it his car had pulled in and he was walking inside. He hung out in the back and just looked around. He did spot her, and she was as beautiful as ever. And she was with her girlfriends and not some guy. He felt relief, and he quietly slid along the back wall and was making his way out; hoping to go un-noticed.

Apparently this was not to be.

“Hi!” she exclaimed as she gave him a welcome hug. The types of a hug where you reach around and pat the person’s back but makes no other contact at all. Yet when she stepped back she was smiling. It wasn’t a smile indicating that she had just busted her stalker. She seemed genuinely happy to see him.

“You know . . .” She began, “I got your message last month. You sounded pretty wasted and I couldn’t make out most of what you were saying. But it was sweet that you were thinking of me.”

Ok, now he was lost. Aside from his original outburst over a year ago, that call was probably the most humiliating thing he has done. And she acts like she appreciated it.

“Sorry ‘bout that” he answered, “I definitely was drunk.”

She smiled at him again and offered a quaint giggle. “So, what are YOU doing her . . . and why are you leaving?”

Hmmm, he thought about being honest and saying that he snuck in to take a peek at her. But he had already found her limits so he had to think of a lie, and quickly. He decided to combine the truth with a little lie and see if he could make that work.

“I stop in her about once a week and have a beer when traffic is bad, allowing it to clear out a bit. But I changed my mind. Honestly, I saw you and figured you wouldn’t want me here. So I was leaving to have a drink somewhere else.”

“Nonsense Scott!” she responded, “I don’t hate you or even dislike you. Look, come back in and let me buy you a drink so we can catch up, Ok?”

Part of him was absolutely beside himself with excitement. For over a year he had wanted to ask her out for a drink, and now it was actually happening. But at the same time he had to find a way to dial down his emotions, and try to be “just a friend”. Egad, how will he pull this off? He made a checklist of things not to do in his head.

·          Don’t look at her for longer than 3 seconds; you may never be able to stop after that time.

·          When you do look at her, look at her forehead only; she will think you are looking into her eyes but you will really be avoiding her soft, voluptuous breasts.

·          Never look down; she may be wearing heels which would drive you over the edge to know.

·          Don’t make any physical contact; you may pass out from the sensation.

·          Don’t mention any dates you’ve had; it would open the door for her to “top” your dates.

·          Don’t talk about their past together; it could only turn out bad.

·          Don’t stay longer than 15 minutes; you probably won’t be able to hold it together any longer.

They made it up to the bar, where she took a seat away from her friends. She even “patted” the seat next to her in a childish way indicating her desire for him to sit right next to her. She was being so nice, so different than the last time they spoke. He was confused, cautious and yet very excited.

“So Scott, what do you think of my new necklace?” she asked.

DAMN! It hung around her neck, but laid down in her cleavage also. He stared at her forehead with a stupid yet nervous grin on his face. He couldn’t bring himself to look.

“Scott! It’s down here silly” she pressed.

He had to do it now. He braced himself, took a deep breath and swallowed on last time. Then he slowly lowered his eyes down to her “necklace”. Ummm, her breasts were amazing. She had on a low cut brown dress with tiny yellow flowers. The necklace rested gently in her cleavage, nestled between two enormous breasts. They even looked like they had grown since he last saw them.

Oh, and the necklace was pretty too.

“My mom gave this to me for my birthday.” She explained.

Then, in a flash she jumped from her barstool and did a complete twist tight in front of him. As she rose up on her toes she exclaimed, “And what do you think of my new pumps? My dad got me these.”

HOLY CRAP!!! Now he had to look down at those heavenly legs and see those FM pumps. He gazed downward towards the floor. She was moving her feet around to show him all the different angles. But the only angle he could imagine was for those heels to be pointing at the ceiling. Argh!

“They . . . um . . they are . . gulp . . very nice . . .  err . . . Becca” he stammered.

She twisted a few more times, giggling throughout. She was just like she used to be, a mature woman laughing like a kid and having fun. She literally hopped back onto the barstool and laughed while she took a swig of her drink.

“So Scott, who have you been seeing? Anyone special?” she asked.

SHIT!!!!!

She was making him break all of his predetermined rules. His mind was racing through possible answers. He could say no, that he hasn’t seen anyone since her. That might end the conversation but it would make him appear as pitiful. He could say that he’s been out a few times, but nothing special. But he was confident that this would allow her to speak of her dating (and sexual) progress since she left him. Or he could just come up with a big, wild ass story about dating twins . . . or even triplets. Maybe if his story was grand enough she wouldn’t try to compete. But then she might also think that he was a sex fiend now or something worse.

But before he could decide, she moved on.

“Hey Scott, do you remember that time we had lunch together for Valentine’s Day a few years ago? That was so grand.” She jumped in.

He felt some relief getting to dodge the dating question. But now he was cornered into the past question. Oh if he only knew what was up her sleeve? If she was just having fun with a friend then he could say that that lunch was “alright”. If for some unknown reason she had developed an interest again, then he would say, “Hell yes I remember, it was the best lunch I ever had!” But is she was simply screwing with him, knowing that he had never gotten over her then he would just say, “Lunch, oh ok, yes I think I remember that. It was ok.”

Yet once again before he could respond she spoke up again.

“You know that today is Valentine’s Day again, right? Who did you pick to be your Valentine?” She reached out and placed her hand on his.

DAMN, CRAP and SHIT!!!!

Now what does he do?

TO BE CONTINUED!