Thursday, March 31, 2011

My Journal 106

Ok, this may not read much like “Journal Material”, but its real life so I figure why not.

Wednesday night I was lying in bed around 1:30 am. I had dozed off about 11:00 and woke a little after midnight. I was thinking about a breakfast dish that a former employee used to make for the office. I remember when she would walk in with it I could smell it down the aisle. And I had to control myself not to sprint to the break room and grab a piece immediately. I had to play it “cool” and casually stroll by after several other employees had already treated themselves. This dish was INCREDIBLE!!!

I seriously considered asking her to marry me just so I could get that sensuous dessert on a regular basis.

What made this ever weirder is that I don’t care for sweets. I will occasionally have a dessert or a doughnut, but not very often. Yet every time she showed up with her dessert I went wild.

Maybe that is what love feels like?

So it was 1:30 and I was craving her dessert. I mean I was so deep into thinking about it that it was almost erotic. My stomach was growling, my mouth was watering and my hands were even beginning to shake. So out I ventured, searching for something to satisfy my craving.

There was no way I was going to get that specific dessert. The employee now lives about 200 miles away and I have no idea what is in the heavenly concoction. So I was searching for a substitute, something to simply appease this wild animal I was turning into at that moment. Now if you have ever had an enormous craving, there is very little that could be a decent substitute. Add to the mix that it is now 2:00 am and NOTHING is open. I was in distress.

I finally gave up and in my simple way decided that Jack Daniel’s Single Barrel Whiskey would have to suffice. (By the way, that shit is AWESOME in case someone is contemplating birthday gifts) I had about two shots. But this dessert was still on my mind, and now I was feeling much less apprehensive with my actions. So brazenly I grabbed my phone and started tapping out a message I was to text to the former employee requesting the recipe.

Fortunately, before hitting the send button I came to my senses and realized that it was about 2:30 am and she was probably sound asleep curled up next to her man. I seriously doubted that she would have appreciated her phone going off at that moment just to read that it was little old me begging for a recipe. Additionally, I imagined her man would definitely not have appreciated his woman (who was probably wrapped all over him) getting a text at that hour from a strange man.

Talk about a mood killer!

Anyway, a clearer mind prevailed and I had a bowl of bran cereal . . . . with raisins of course.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

My Journal 105

I heard on the news that people are in an outrage because a few college football players are announcing that they were given sexual favors from coeds at the bequest of the respective boosters as an inducement during the recruiting process.

HELLO?!?!?!?

That is exactly why I ended up at the school I did. I was provided two beautiful young coeds and they did not know how to say no. This has been going on for many years people!

But I guess what dumb founds me the most is that when the news breaks that a player got a new car, or a bag of cash, the response is, “Oh well, shame on them.” Yet announce that some young nubile coed got on her knees or bent over a couch for a prospective student athlete and everyone is up in arms to lynch someone. Both examples are violations of the rules, and everyone involved knows it. So why is one violation so shocking and the other so mild?

Look, the stupid coed that agreed to provide sexual favors probably would have done darn near anything for free anyway. I mean seriously, picture a girl that is willing to do that. Wouldn’t you imagine that she would be the type that would do that anyway, even if not asked? I’m not saying that the girl is the only one at fault, or even at fault at all. But let’s be realistic. It takes a certain amount of idiocy to agree to do this anyway, right?

And can you imagine how the original conversation went?

[COED] Hi, I’m Bambi and I’m here to apply for the job you posted on the internet.

[BOOSTER] Well . . . . hello Bambi. No, don’t sit down yet. The first part of the interview process needs to be done while standing. I have to see your . . . um . . . err . . . resume first. So remove all your clothing please.

[COED] OK!

~ MOMENTARY PAUSE WHILE HER CLOTHES HIT THE FLOOR ~

[COED] So, what do you think?

[BOOSTER] Hmmm, they look pretty firm. Let me feel them. Hmmm, they do feel nice. Ok, turn around slowly for me. Hmmm, nice tattoo. Yea, I think that your body would suffice. Now, tell me how you are qualified . . . . no, no. Don’t put your clothes on yet.

[COED] Well, I’m only 18 years old but I do have over 7 years experience. I’ve taken it in all three openings too, and I’m ok with everything. If you need references you can check with Dean Smith. He bumped me from failing to an A twice. And Professor Jones allowed me a B without ever having to show up for class or take a test.

[BOOSTER] Hmmm, ok . . . I guess you technically qualify. But we have a lot of recruits coming through here so you have to be quick and have stamina also. Do you mind taking a test?

[COED] OK!

[BOOSTER] Walk over here Miss Bambi. (unzips fly) Ok, I’ll keep an eye on my watch, you do your thing and let’s just see how long it takes you do get me there. Ready? GO!

~ MOMENTARY PAUSE FOR . . . . WELL, YOU KNOW ~

[COED] Hrldth I dith?

[BOOSTER] Don’t talk with your mouth full young lady. Now swallow and speak to me again.

~ LOUD GULP ~

[COED] How did I do?

[BOOSTER] I don’t know Bambi, you were 20 seconds slower than the previous candidate.

[COED] Oh please?!?!? Can I try again???

[BOOSTER] We will see, maybe later tonight. Now let’s talk compensation.

[COED] Compensation? I’ve never been compensated. I go like clockwork.

[BOOSTER] No sweetie, I mean your payment for services.

[COED] Well, I work part time at the Student Union, so I don’t have much money. But I could probably pay about $20.

[BOOSTER] Huh? No, I mean . . . . Oh well, your hired!

Actually, I think I knew her back in the day. Oh, it’s ok . . I was a gentleman. I made her buy me dinner and drinks before I “did” her.

Hehehehehe!

My Journal 104

I know . . . I know . . . I promised you my crazy 10 day story. But it’s sort of personal, so I will send it in my Weekly Email Update. I am keeping personal information more secretive lately.

Yesterday after work I was leaving Walgreens. A man was sitting on the curb and as I passed him he looked at me and asked for a dollar. Normally I tend to avoid these conversations. As you know I do have a bit of a temper at times and I try to avoid situations where it could possibly flair up. But yesterday I was in a more cantankerous mood. So I engaged in a conversation.

I told the man that I would give him no money, but I would do him a favor. I told him where my office was located and told him that if he came by today I would do my best to find him a job. His response was that he didn’t want a job, he needed some money. Now in my world the concepts of want and need are related, but obviously in his world they are not. So I asked for an explanation. His response was that I was not him so I should either give him a dollar or move on.

So I tried to explain my perspective to him. I explained that I WANTED a billion dollars, but I needed five dollars to get a burger. In my world I find a resource to get me the things I need first. Then, only after my needs are met do I venture into attempting to collect the things that I want.

My resources could be to ask for what I need. But if I do that then when I need something else I will have to ask again, and again. Eventually this resource will dry up and end. My resource could be to just take what I need, lawfully or unlawfully. But if I do that then eventually I will get hurt or end up spending some quality time in a local correctional facility.

The most effective way for me to get the resources I need is to trade for them. I will mow your yard, do your taxes, help you move, or offer my services to pleasure you. Whatever we choose to agree upon creates an agreement. These could continue for a long time as you will probably always need to have your yard mowed. It is a perpetuating system.

The guy gazed at me with a blank stare.

He then said he was in a predicament that he didn’t choose. Again, I was confused and questioned him as to his comment. He said he didn’t choose to be in the position he was in. I immediately disagreed with him, stressing my motto that EVERYONE AT ANY GIVEN TIME IS RIGHT WHERE THEY CHOOSE TO BE.

He chose to sit down on that particular curb. He could have walked to my office to apply for a job, but he chose not to do that. He chose to ask me for money. He could have offered to wash my car in exchange for five dollars, but he chose not to do that.

Life is about choices, and there is always another choice. Life is about trading, and there is always something you can trade for what you need. Each of us controls EVERYTHING in our own little worlds. We decide what we do, when we do it and with whom we do it. These individual choices culminate in defining the type of person we are.

So, what kind of person are you?

Friday, March 25, 2011

Never!

Never say I like you,
If you don't really care!
Never talk about feelings,
If they aren't really there!

Never touch a life,
If you plan to use their kind heart!
Never say you're going to,
If you never plan to start!

Never look me in the eye,
If all you do is lie!
Never say hello,
If you really mean goodbye!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

My Journal 103

Traffic was a mess yesterday, and I hate traffic almost as much as I hate being cold. So I did my usual and pulled over for a beer while traffic died down. The place I chose was a Mexican Restaurant with a small bar. And apparently very few people were eating Mexican food that evening.

I was at the bar and there were these two older guys sitting to my left. The bartender was a middle aged Hispanic woman. There was no TV, few people, and just some faint music in the background. I had no choice but to listen to the conversation between these two gentlemen.

Apparently, they were veterans who had served together many years ago. They were catching up on their lives, and reminiscing about old war stories. Being a history buff and a war junkie, I found those stories very entertaining. Yet at the same time I felt this sadness coming over me.

I guess the word to describe my eventual emotion was jealousy. It took me until late that evening to figure it out, but in retrospect I do believe I was jealous of these guys. You see, they had stories they could share and things they had seen and done together. Each of them had put their lives in the other guy’s hands, and each guy made it home a hero. And now they had someone who completely understood where they had been, what they had done, and all the little secrets.

I’ve never been one that felt compelled to talk through things. I’ve always been more of the “keep everything inside” type of a guy (Well, except for this page). And yet listening to these men talk, and hearing about the bond they had between them, I was becoming jealous.

The bartender (does that work for females also?) asked me if I wanted another beer. I was only about half way through my first, and had only planned on one anyway; so I thanked her but declined. She leaned on the bar next to me and said, “Amazing stuff, huh?” as she nodded her head towards the two gentlemen. I gave an embarrassing smile realizing I had been busted for “eavesdropping”.

Then she asked me why I was so quiet. Again, I’m not too big on random conversations so I just said I was tired. Then she asked me if I served, and I replied no. There were a few seconds of silence before she continued by commenting that she can tell I had seen action because she has seen the look I have before. Then she told me her story.

Many years ago she was engaged to a Scout Sniper. Her man was deployed. She found other wives and girlfriends of soldiers and began hanging out with them as they understood the situation. But for her it was different. The other men and women received routine calls and letters while she didn’t. She was told that because her man was a sniper that he would venture out for days or weeks at a time, with no opportunity to communicate with loved ones.

She told me that over time this made her angry. She was hurt that everyone else was getting updates and she was getting no information at all. She admitted that she turned to other men for attention.

Her man did make it home. She said when she saw him at the airport he looked proud and happy. But she was angry and embarrassed. She lit in on him immediately about what she had been going through. She said she watched as all the life just drained from his face.

She told me that it took her about three weeks to realize what she had done to him. She finally had an open and honest conversation with him, beginning with apologizing about her behavior. He told her that the entire time he was deployed, the only person he communicated with was his spotter. He had no other friends as he was never in one place long enough to make friends.

He told her that he had stories that he wanted to share with her. But he had realized that the only person who could understand was someone who had been there with him. He had tried to connect with his spotter, but he had already gone back. He told her he had no one to vent with about his problems, like the other enlisted men and women.

She told me then that they never married, as neither of them could find a way to connect again. She said he became strange, distant and very mysterious. She felt he was having a secret affair. She said that they slowly drifted apart, and finally he quit communicating altogether.

Since then she realized that he needed someone. He had loved her once, and she could have been that someone but she was so wrapped up in her own busy life that she never appreciated how much he wanted her to be that person.

Then she looked me in the eye and told me that what she sees in my eyes is what she saw in her fiancée’s eyes years ago. She said she saw a story that was dying to get out, and she saw that I had selected someone to hear that story. She told me to go tell my story, the whole story.

I guess when you go through something like what that guy went through you probably do need to discuss it with someone who can reassure you that you did what was good and right. That was when I did in fact realize that I was jealous of the two gentlemen at the bar. I was always alone out there. I have no one who would truly understand me.

When I got back I told three people. It didn’t seem to go too well. I never said another word about it for many years. Lately I have been sharing more, but when I do I feel like I am “dumping” my crap on someone who doesn’t need any more crap in their life. Writing it down doesn’t do the trick, and I haven’t even read yet what I wrote down before. I just can’t read it. I did try talking to someone once last year. This person surprised me. As I learned about them I was seeing someone who maybe could understand. But life happens. And just like in the bartender’s story, it didn’t go well and I have recently sort of drifted away from that person.

Anyway, to me it is another realization. So let’s check one more off of my phobia list.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

My Journal 102

I believe that most of you are aware of the current challenges I face pertaining to my dad. It is difficult to watch a brilliant man go through this crap. Most of you have contacted me with kind words and support. Heck, Banana-rama asks almost every day if she can do anything.

[And she gets pissed when I always suggest the same thing! J]

Anyway, today I want to discuss my mom. It’s sort of a change of pace type of a thing.

Once as a little “buck-a-roo” I was chatting with my mom and she said something that stuck with me. As a little background, my mom is the greatest woman alive. She is pretty, fun, charming and engaging. Yet when crossed she can be the meanest person ever.

We had lots of talks in my youth, and she still has no problem stepping up to me (or anyone for that matter) and discussing anything that is bothering her. She doesn’t negotiate much though. When she addresses you, no matter how sweet she may sound, she is actually telling you what has to happen before she decides to kick your ass. But she smiles while she does it.

Now most of the chats we had I took with a grain of salt. You know what I mean. You sort of listen, you nod your head occasionally, you say “Huh?” a lot, and try to finish every time the phrase, “Oh, I see” will fit in. The funny thing is that many years later I would find out that what she was saying was pretty darned insightful, and always right. Dammit!

But this one particular chat was one that I got immediately. Unfortunately I can’t remember what we were discussing that brought us to her comment. But the point was the comment, and that part stuck.

She told me, “Baby, no matter how many times that beautiful Thanksgiving turkey is carried out of the kitchen and placed on that immaculate table in front of you; if you never get to taste it you WILL eventually not find it interesting anymore and go make a tuna sandwich.”

Maybe we were talking about females, Hmmmm?

Anyway, what I took from that conversation is that what you want, and what someone is willing to give to you, is fairly important to be aware of. This thought was reinforced just yesterday by Banana-rama. She was given the following advice. “Don’t make someone a priority when they view you only as an option

Wow, stunning advice.

If two people both make the other a priority, then there will be success. If two people both consider the other an option, then there will be success. But any variations in the presumptions and there will eventually be a disaster.

You see, I’m the kind of guy that will show up every Thanksgiving drooling for some turkey. Even if it’s been 100 times that I’ve had to sit and watch others eat it. I’m an optimist and I believe that someday that turkey breast will be mine. But I will say that each time I am denied my turkey, I do get a little less interested. And yes, I have walked away before; but I usually get some turkey.

To me, that turkey is a priority. To the rest in the room, my eating that turkey could just be an option IF they have had all that they want. It’s a disaster waiting to happen. And with my temper outbursts, it could be a vicious fight for the last turkey leg.

Think about it . . . I’m going to my room to make a tuna sandwich.

Or maybe I’ll just go buy my own turkey.

Monday, March 21, 2011

My Journal 101

Did you miss me? I will brief you individually on my crazy 10 days later.

“Beyond a reasonable doubt”

You may have heard this on TV or even (Heaven forbid) in court. It is a legal term that deals with deciding guilt or innocence. You see, when a crime is committed you normally don’t have 12 jurors standing around watching. They are usually busy living their own lives. The jurors are selected randomly at a later time, and obviously did not witness the crime.

So what happens is each lawyer brings up people who did see things, or who know things. They give their testimony and then the jurors try to decide who and what to believe . . . beyond a reasonable doubt.

It works in our judicial system. I mean no one in the court really knows for certain what happened in that ally, or during the scuffle, or who stole that purse. They have to listen and observe, and then make a decision. The final decision can be based on ANYTHING they so chose.  They can base the decision on the actions of the witness while on the stand. They can base it on how the questions are answered. They can base it on a visual observation of how the witness interacts with others while in court. They can base it on historical knowledge of the person and how forthcoming they have been during their life.

The bottom line is that when the testimony ends, someone is either guilty or innocent beyond a reasonable doubt. That’s the law . . . and that is life.

I bring this up because one of my faults in life is I constantly seek the truth in every aspect and every situation. And quite frankly, I get immensely frustrated when I can’t find the truth. I know that it is a problem of mine, and I even seek the answer to why it bugs me so much.

As I was pondering this phenomenon, I started thinking that if the phrase “beyond a reasonable doubt” is good enough for an entire country, and possibly the best judicial system in the history of the world, then it should be good enough for me. If I cannot find the truth, then I should accept a decisions made by me.

I know what you are doing. Right now you are mumbling to yourself, “Who the heck does this guy think he is to stand in judgment of others?”

C’mon! You know me. I have no room to judge anyone. So I am not talking about judging people here. I am talking about accepting something perhaps less than 100% certainty in the event that 100% certainty is hidden or kept from me. Instead of sitting and trying to find ways to gain 100% certainty, I now think that I can accept a reasonable solution based on actions, words and behavior.

Suppose I had a friend and I “suspected” that they were stealing cable service. (Ok, that is a silly example but work with me here) Of course they deny it, but based on my observations (I.e. no cable bills, green wires running to the house, hiding from the cable vans, etc) then I can surmise beyond a reasonable doubt that my friend is in fact stealing cable and that for whatever reason he chooses to lie to me about it. Now if I acted on this assumption by calling the cable company I then become the executioner. If I walk up to my friend, look them in the eyes and tell them they are lying, then I am the judge.

But if I chose simply to not associate with them because of my belief, then I am just making a personal choice. I wouldn’t be the judge or the executioner. I think a lot of people miss this point in life. You don’t have to associate with anyone you don’t want to. And if you believe that beyond a reasonable doubt someone is stealing cable, you can disassociate from them.

Maybe this will make me a bit saner in the future. I do feel better already. I will try to observe, ask questions and collect as much information as possible. When or if the “well runs dry” I will make a decision based on something less than 100% certainty and NOT FEEL BAD ABOUT IT.

I don’t care that they steal cable service. I do care that they hide it from me. I’m really not that stupid.

Ok, check this one off my list of phobias.

Friday, March 11, 2011

My Journal 100

So this is my journal number 100. Who would have “thunk” it?

I wanted to write something special for this journal. After long thought, this is what I came up with. I will give you a little of everything. It’s different, but it is honest and it is me.

~

I believe that when life ends there is nothing left. But it was suggested that we do have to face our god in the end and explain our life. If that is true then here is how my final speech may go.

Hey god!

I guess I didn’t measure up to everything you expected. I’m really sorry about that. You gave me a lot of tools and I sort of pissed them away. I don’t know if you accept failures in Heaven, but whatever you decided, I will accept it.

I guess I need to apologize for a lot of stuff first.

I am sorry that I hit Kyle in kindergarten. I shouldn’t have been upset that he called me by my full name. I never imagined I would ruin his hearing for life. I am so sorry for this.

I am sorry I joined a gang as a kid. I apologize for everything I stole, everyone I terrorized, and everyone I hurt. For what it’s worth, I really believed that I had no choice. I didn’t want to be killed as a kid, and I was told this was my only way to survive. I am sorry for this.

I am sorry that I once became so angry that I took revenge. BUT, I am not sorry for what I did to them. They killed my best friend Johnnie, they knocked me into a coma and continued beating me while unconscious; and then they raped David just because he was weak. Punish me for this if you must, but I would hunt them down again just like before.

I am sorry for all the women I used. You gave me the ability to charm women, and I used it for the wrong reason. These women cared about me, and I used that to my advantage. But I think we are already sort of even on this matter. I was never able to find love, and I guess that was my penance. I am sorry for this.

I am sorry I destroyed that kid’s knee in High School, ruining his athletic career. I was angry and I took it out on him. I was never able to tell him I was sorry. I heard he never got a scholarship because of me. I also heard he overdosed a year after High School. I am sorry for this.

I am sorry I gave up on my football friends. Maybe if I were there for them their lives would be different. Jessie committed suicide; I was a close friend yet I had no idea why he made that choice. Scott got mixed up with drugs; I was a close friend and I never went to him. I kept telling him I was too busy. He never made it out of rehab. Tony was kicked out by his parents and I didn’t even offer to let him live with me. I heard he had to live on the streets, and I have no idea where he is today. Bobby had a lot of issues; and I never listened. I thought my world was more important. He vanished years ago. I pray he is alright today. I let them all down and for that I am sorry.

I am sorry I lied so much. I wished I hadn’t. Yet I did finally realize this fault and spent my adult life always trying to be totally honest. I found that sometimes being honest is not easy, and most people choose the easy path. But I hated being lied to, so I stayed true.

I am sorry for all the people I killed, and for all the people who died because of me. I really am not a weak man. You didn’t make me that way. You made me to be the protector. But this almost pushed me over the edge. I remember them all. They lived with me for years. I can never forgive myself for what I did. I am so sorry for this.

I am sorry I never could keep friends. I did try, but I always messed things up. Maybe my mind wasn’t right. Maybe I just never learned how to keep friends. Maybe I never really wanted friends. You created me to be a loner and to always handle things myself. You made me capable of being alone. You made me able to hide my feelings, and my emotions. Maybe I was supposed to be alone. But if not then I am sorry for this.

I am sorry I never told anyone I was dying. Maybe it wasn’t fair to them. Maybe I should have trusted more. I just knew they had busy lives of their own and didn’t need my problems. I am sorry for this.

But my life wasn’t all bad lord. I did do some good.

I have children that will be men among men. They are bright, driven and good people. I have kept them away from the life I knew as much as I could. They will do great things. Please give them a chance.

I saved lives too. I pulled my sister out of a pool once and revived her after she had drowned. I dove into the gulf and saved my cousin from drowning too. And I saved a man once that had been shot. I stopped so many people from being abused thanks to the strength and skills you gave to me. I hope that I saved many more lives that I don’t know about. Only you know the “what if” part of life.

You knocked me down many times. You brought me to my knees more times. You broke my heart a hundred times. You humbled me, humiliated me, and destroyed me. But for what it is worth, you made me resilient. I ALWAYS GOT BACK UP. And no matter what was happening in my life, I tried every day to make the people around me smile. I won every battle, except my last.

Sorry lord, but those are the only good things I can think of. But it is something. The rest is up to you. Like I said, I am prepared for whatever you decided. I had my hell on earth, and I will deal with eternal hell if you so choose.

But I ask for mercy. I tried to live my adult life as a different person. I tried to be someone of which you would be proud. I just don’t know if the few things I did make up for all the bad I did.

I have a favor to ask of you, even though I know I don’t deserve it. I have these wild and crazy people in my life that put up with me longer than anyone else. All four of them have an attitude, and I like their attitude. But this attitude could get them into trouble in the future. Since I won’t be there to protect them anymore, could you introduce them to someone like me, only better? I need to know that someone will be there to watch over them, like I have for so long.

And if they ever get sad, depressed, or are just having a bad day; please whisper in their ear to look to the west. I will leave them many beautiful sunsets to enjoy. And if you would, remind them that while they are watching my sunset, I will be right there beside them, holding their hand and watching it too.

That is it. I am ready now. So, where do I go from here?

~

My psychic (Kat) sent this to me once. She said the traits were definitely me.

Aries Key Words

Strengths: Courage, determination, self-confidence, honesty, enthusiasm.

Weaknesses: Impatience, silly arguments, allowing fear to limit choices.

Charismatic marks: Athletic body, youthful attitude, a need to take the lead.

Likes: Comfortable clothes, taking the lead, physical challenges, individual sports.

Dislikes: Inactivity, delays, being ignored, dishonest people, work that doesn't use one's talents.

Best environment: Any situation that requires action, courage in the face of fear, competition, and freedom of choice. Aries individuals are better outside being active than staying close to home.

BIG HINT – THOSE THAT FLIRT WITH MY DISLIKES DON’T HANG AROUND LONG.

~

And now, part of a story about a lunch date I once had. Well, at least the part of the story BEFORE it gets too descriptive. Enjoy.

LUNCH


He knocks on the door. He has already decided that he will be very appropriate, but watch very closely for signs. He has no idea if he is invited over simply for a lunch or if he is invited over for something else. But he is determined that unless she behaves differently, it will JUST be a lunch.

The door opens and she stands there smiling. She is wearing a T-shirt and shorts. He figured his first thought would be to determine if she had a bra on underneath her shirt, but his attention was immediately drawn to her legs. They were very athletic and she had the perfect amount of tint to her skin. She wore no shoes today.

She finally had to break his distracted behavior and ask him if he was coming in or standing outside all day. He smiled and entered. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek as he walked past her. She closed the door behind him and told him to have a seat and she would get lunch. She moved towards the kitchen. As she past him he smelled her perfume. Her scent was intoxicating. It always had been. She always told him that she never applied perfume during the day, but on many days in the middle of the day her scent would fill the room.

His thoughts about her perfume ended as he watched her walk away. She had a large and very nice butt. As he watched her shake it while she walked he remembered one night when they were romantic. They were so passionate that he had made love to her while she still had on her thong panties. After, she was on her knees on the bed and backed that big beautiful butt up to his groin and began rubbing her ass on his crotch. Yes, they had wild sex again and it was incredible.

He finally made his way to the dining table. She brought out some tacos and placed them in front of him. She apparently wasn’t eating that day. He tried the food, but to be honest he had no idea how it tasted. He couldn’t keep his mind off of her and the fact that he was alone in her apartment.

They had some very casual conversation while he ate, which wasn’t long. Then they sat at the table and talked some more. He couldn’t tell you what they talked about. She was so sexy, even though she wasn’t trying that he was fighting the urge to grab her. At this point he felt confident that the invitation was just for lunch. This was fine with him as he was simply impressed that she cared enough to invite him into her world.

Then she surprised him by asking if he wanted to see her bedroom. Immediately many thoughts ran through his head, but he quickly squashed them reminding him that this was just lunch.

She took his hand and they walked down a short hallway to her room. It was definitely a woman’s room. He looked around as she smiled with pride. He checked out the closet and some pictures she had on the wall. She pointed out to me a gift he had given to her which she displayed on her dresser.

They had joked before about her shoes. She had several pairs of heels, which was a big weakness of his. Knowing this, she closed the bedroom door to show him her shoetree on the back of her door. His attention went directly to my favorite pair. He reached up and took one of his favorites from the slot. She laughed and commented that she knew he would go for that pair. He smiled and reminder her that he was very fond of those heels.

To his surprise, she offered to put them on for him. Without waiting for a response, she took the shoe from his hand and slipped it onto her bare foot while using his shoulder for balance. She stared into his eyes the entire time. Then she grabbed the other heel from the door and set it on the floor in front of him. She placed both of her hands on his shoulders as she slipped her foot into the second shoe.

Once it was on, she was a bit taller, and her face was right in front of him. She just stood there looking at him. He realized he was alone in her bedroom, with the door closed, while she had on his favorite heels. Aw, fuck the nice guy routine.

He ran his hands through her hair and slipped it behind her ears. He locked his fingers behind her neck and slowly moved in to kiss her. Their lips met and she made a short gasp. Their soft, gentle kiss quickly became a deep passionate kiss. Their tongues met just past her lips as he slid his hands down to her hips, pulling her close to him.

They never stopped kissing. It had been so long since they had any time together that he was uncomfortably erect. He pulled her hips to his groin. He slowly released her hips and slid his hands up, pulling her shirt up as he did. She raised her arms to assist him with removing her top. As soon as her top hit the floor, he quickly removed her bra, exposing the largest and most inviting breast he had even seen.

He placed his mouth on her nipple. He licked the tip of her nipple; while he secretly unzipped her shorts and watch them drop to the floor. She stepped out of her shorts without removing those sexy heels. He stood perfectly still and looked at this beautiful woman he was happy to call his friend. She stood in front of him wearing only a thong and heels, and he wanted to run his hands all over her sexy body.

She leaned into him and kissed him again, while she unzipped his pants. To save time he removed his shirt and shoes as his slacks fell to the floor.

They were standing next to her bed, sharing a deep and moist kiss. She stopped, took his hand and walked him to her bed. She turned towards him and lay down on her back on the bed as he stood and watched. She put her hands out as if asking him to lie on top of her.

This was the most beautiful moment in his life. He was alone with the most beautiful and sexiest woman he ever met, and she was lying in her bed reaching out to him. He slowly ran his hands up her thighs as she closed her eyes in anticipation.

~

Have a great weekend . . . . . and life!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

My Journal 099

Here are some odd things about me that you may not know or care about.

I cannot sleep with my feet covered. I will use blankets but my feet need to be outside of the wraps. And I hate socks.

I brush my teeth about 10 times a day. I haven’t been to a dentist since I was 21. And all my bottom teeth are dead as they were kicked out in Junior High School.

I wear a gold necklace. It was given to me by my mother when I was 10. I have not taken it off one time since then. I wear no other jewelry.

I took ballet classes. It was right after a serious injury and I thought it would make me graceful. I quit the day I was voted the most improved and asked to be in a play.

I love bran cereal, but I have to have raisins in it. Yet I hate raisins.

I hate sweets, but I LOVE Apple Fritters.

I rode bulls for 5 years, yet all my redneck cousins made fun of me because I couldn’t rope. My only Championship Buckle was for roping though.

I was offered three scholarships for football. Texas A&M gave me jersey number 2. SWTSU gave me jersey number 6. Texas Tech gave me jersey number 26. I always found that odd.

I haven’t been to church since I was 12 years old. But I pray and “chat” with my god many times every day. And I have read the bible cover to cover twice.

My leg was broken in 4 places. It was put back together with a 17 degree twist. I was told that there were too many breaks to get it right. When I run my foot points out like a duck.

I don’t drink soda water, but I have to have coke with my Jack Daniels. I can’t stand Dr Pepper or Sprite.

I have won every shooting contest I ever entered but I HATE weapons.

I took a puff of a cigarette when I was 10 years old. I haven’t touched one since.

I haven’t slept for longer than 4 hours since I was 19 years old. But I nap at noon, fall asleep about 9:00 pm, and then again around 1:00 am.

I was in a porn movie when I was 18. I never watched it, don’t know the name of it, and I used a “stage name”.

My Favorites:
·          Color – White
·          Meal – Meatloaf, French Fries, and Ranch Style Beans with TONS of ketchup
·          Beer – Shiner Bock
·          Liquor – Jack Daniels
·          Song – Great White’s Rock Me
·          Movie – Rocky or Vision Quest
·          Idol – Roger Staubach
·          Famous person I’d do in a heartbeat – Kelly Preston (Ummm)

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

My Journal 098

I was once told you have to be friends before you can fall into love. Well in this is my favorite “friends” song. Enjoy.

Friends – Elton John

I hope the day will be a lighter highway
For friends are found on every road
Can you ever think of any better way
For the lost and weary travellers to go

Making friends for the world to see
Let the people know you got what you need
With a friend at hand you will see the light
If your friends are there then everything's all right

It seems to me a crime that we should age
These fragile times should never slip us by
A time you never can or shall erase
As friends together watch their childhood fly

Making friends for the world to see
Let the people know you got what you need
With a friend at hand you will see the light
If your friends are there then everything's all right

Making friends for the world to see
Let the people know you got what you need
With a friend at hand you will see the light
If your friends are there then everything's all right


 

Monday, March 7, 2011

My Journal 097

I went to the strand this weekend. It was Mardi Gras there too. It wasn’t very busy though. It was cold, windy and raining. And due to the weather, no hot chicks were flashing anyone. But it was still nice to be somewhere doing something.

There was somewhere else I had hoped to be. I had sort of tentatively made plans, but at 11:00 am Saturday I abandoned them and made my own fun. And it was fun. As usual, I easily made new friends, had a bunch of beer, made a fool of myself, and just had some wild fun in the rain.

But here is the part why I write about it. The rain left, the wind died down, and the sun came out late in the afternoon. So I made my way to West Beach. It was isolated due to the weather earlier in the day. By the time I got there the sun was setting on the horizon.

Now if you know me, or have read my journals, you should know by now that I love to watch the sun set. It is always more beautiful than the last sunset I saw. If you have never taken a moment to watch the sun set, you should once. For me, this incredible feeling of calm overcomes me. For a moment, nothing is wrong in my world.

But also, when I watch the sun set I remember that nothing is forever. The sun will always set, indicating that the day is over. So whether it was the best day of your life, the worst day of your life, or probably something in between; it always ends. It ends so a new day can begin. To me, knowing that there is a chance for a new beginning is one of the things that keep me going.

Yet the sunset also reminds me of one more thing. It reminds me that NOTHING is forever. Yup, that includes you and me. I will see my last sunset some day. I will have that calm feeling for the last time some day. And when I do, something new will begin. It may be something better, or it may be total darkness for eternity. But whatever it is, I will be ready.

Another thing happened this weekend that is worth mentioning. I was speaking to a friend about nothing really. It was a lot of idle chit chat. She can make me laugh like no one else. But then somehow she directed the conversations to talking about the two of us.

Then she asked this question, “Would you risk your life for me on faith only?”

I hesitated. She noticed that I hesitated. To be honest, if I saw her in danger then I would definitely race to save her. I wouldn’t care about my personal health; I would just want to keep her safe. There is no question in my mind about that. But when she added, “on faith only” I balked.

Once I realized that I had hesitated, I quickly began one of my BS explanations. She has street smarts, maybe more than me. So she saw through me and stopped me. There was silence for a moment, and then she asked another question.

“Is there someone else that you would risk your life for on faith only?”

Again I hesitated, but for a very different reason. There are a few people that I would risk my life for on faith only; and one in particular. But I honestly didn’t think that telling her this at that moment was a good idea. Again, she saw right through me.

Her final comment was, “When you can honestly say yes to me, then you are ready for a relationship with me. Until then, please . . .”

I knew what she was going to say, and she knew it too. She just hung up.

Another week down, and a new week beginning. I still have a lot of personal dilemmas with which I am coping. But it is a new week because the sun set last night too.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

My Journal 096

How was my “special” day yesterday you ask? It was marvelous and amazing.

Someone called me a hero. (Thanks Banana-rama)

[Footnote – I may have even received a few lines form a “smokin’ hot story” . . shhh]

Someone said I was THEIR hero. (Thanks Sunshine)

Someone shared their lunch with me and bought me a drink (or two or three) after work. (Thanks LL)

[Footnote - Although I was allowed to share my lunch plans, I have been warned not to discuss the actual date(s).]

Someone called me to say thank you. (Thanks Kat)

Someone EVEN sent me an E-card (Thanks Lovelygirl)

Thanks to all of you for making me your priority for one day yesterday. I can now survive one more year. Just keep this date on your calendar. You know me; I probably won’t remind you again. I’ll just wait to see who remembers . . . and chastise those that don’t remember.

Hey, it’s just one day a year so write it down!

Obviously it’s childish to ask for a special day just for one person. But I can’t tell you how much I wish I could get some credit for my past. I mean, I do get it from you, but to be recognized otherwise would be nice also. Of course as upset as people get when they hear the word war or death, I’d probably be picketed or something. But I do seriously appreciate everyone that participated and contacted me to say thanks. You are my friends.

Ok, back to reality.

Last weekend I got some redemption. Yes, I mean redemption and not revenge. As most of you already know, A while back I was accused of having an affair with one of my friends. (FYI, I don’t and didn’t do that). But of course someone spread the word about how awful I was. I saw no reason to argue. If you knew me then you would know it was BS. If you didn’t know me then I didn’t give a crap what you thought.

I went by my house Friday night to grab some stuff for a card game with the boys. As I opened my car door I heard yelling coming from inside the house. There was a loud argument in progress. I was tired, anxious to get to my cards, and I had to pee. But being the “good guy” that I am I entered with the mindset that I would be the peace maker.

I did finally calm everyone down, but missed my card game in the process. But here comes the redemption part. The person that had accused me of the affair was accusing other people of bad things in her anger. I had three people come up to me that night and apologize for ever believing the rumors. I guess now that it was happening to them they understand the position I was in before.

Like I always say, the truth will eventually rise to the surface.

So, if any of you are considering asking me to marry you someday (STOP LAUGHING!) you can rest assured that I will be faithful. Just read my Journal #90 and you will know exactly what you can expect. But do understand that lots and lots and lots of SEX will be necessary!!!!

SERIOUSLY . . . . STOP LAUGHING!!!

I luv ya’ll, and thanks again for yesterday.