My Journal 128

I haven’t done this in a while, so let me catch up quickly. Here are my Friday SHOUT OUTS!

Banana Rama – Hang in there baby. Life is CRAZY sometimes and love is complicated. But you are smokin’ hot, funny and a great person. AND you have been trained by the best (Hehehehe).

Lovely Girl – I seriously love how you ALWAYS take the opposite side of any challenge I have. It gives me a whole new perspective.

NikiCole – Welcome to my world and I hope you do make it down here soon. I promise to be on my best behavior . . . . NOT!

LL – Miss you! L

Cabana Girl – Did I tell you that you remind me of someone special?

~

I’m still on the topic of communication. So here is today’s topic.

Why can’t everyone just freakin’ say what they mean all the time?

Is this really that difficult or too much to ask of our supposedly advanced society? Wouldn’t your life be MUCHO easier if everyone told you the truth about everything? I watched a movie a few years ago titled, “The Invention of lying”. The concept was that lying was never invented, so everyone always told the truth. Life was hard, but it was honest and workable. Then one guy figured out that he didn’t have to tell the truth. The whole world changed in an instant. Go watch it.

Maybe everyone should be required to wear a small chalkboard on a chain around their neck. They could write one word about who they are on this chalkboard. Now the reason I chose a chalkboard instead of a permanently affixed sign is that when anyone has a conversation with them and catches them in a lie, they have the right to change the other person’s sign. You can never change you own sign, but others can.

So every time you meet someone you will know exactly if they are a deceitful person or an honest person.

Or we could just agree that honesty is the best policy. Hey, isn’t one of the Ten Commandments “Thou shall not lie”? So try it today. Be honest with everyone. Tell that guy you love him. Tell that other guy he is a pain in your ass and your never giving him any. Your life will become so less complicated.

Anyway, here are some explanations I actually received as to why people have lied to me; and of course a few have to be my best guess for those who were caught in a lie and still denied it.

~

“I seriously needed the money and I knew you wouldn’t give it if I told you it was just to party with my friends”

I WOULD HAVE GIVEN IT ANYWAY.

~

“I didn’t want to get your hopes up”

HEY, WHY TAKE AWAY MY CHANCE TO DECIDE IF I WANT TO BECOME EXCITED ABOUT SOMETHING?

~

“I knew you wouldn’t like it or understand”

I UNDERSTAND A WHOLE LOT MORE THAN YOU THINK, I KNOW A WHOLE LOT MORE THAN I LET ON, AND WHETHER I LIKE IT OR NOT DON’T I HAVE THE RIGHT TO KNOW THINGS THAT PERTAIN TO ME?

~

“He was so hot that I couldn’t resist”

NO PROBLEM, JUST TELL ME NEXT TIME BEFORE WE HAVE SEX SO I DON’T STICK MY #$%@ IN YOU AGAIN! I DON’T DO GIRLS THAT ARE JUST “PUBLIC PLUMBING”.

~

“I thought that you were in love with me”

SORRY YOU THOUGHT THAT. I GUESS THE FACT THAT I TOLD YOU OTHERWISE DOESN’T COUNT?

~

“I know that for a fact”

WELL, ISN’T THAT AMAZING? YOU KNOW SOMETHING FOR A FACT THAT FACTUALLY ISN’T TRUE.

~

“If you come to school here, me and my friends will party with you all the time!”

HMMM, NEVER REMEMBER SEEING HER AGAIN AFTER THEY TOOK MY SCHOLARSHIP AWAY. I DIDN’T KNOW THAT WAS A REQUIREMENT FOR GROUP SEX.

~

“I am not high on booze or drugs”

OK, THEN YOU HAVE A PRETTY SERIOUS PHYSICAL AILMENT. YOUR EYES ARE DIALATED AND RED, YOUR ARE SLURRING YOUR WORDS, YOU ARE WOBBLING, AND YOU HAVE NO PANTS ON.

~

“I didn’t want to hurt your feelings”

ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU THINK BEING HURT IS A PROBLEM FOR ME? I HURT ALL THE DAMN TIME. I’M USED TO HURTING. AND DID YOU EVER THINK THAT LYING TO ME WOULDN’T POSSIBLY HURT MORE?

My Journal 127

I always prefer face to face conversations over phone conversations. I prefer phone conversations over email conversations. I prefer email conversations over text messages. Text messages are the LAST RESORT.

This is my pecking order of conversations. In a face to face conversation you have complete understanding of the situation. You can watch for signs of emotion as well as indicators of doubt. Plus I am seriously charming in person. J

I think that most of you prefer the “new age” form of communication which is a text message. So I have a test for you today.

But first, let me explain what brought up today’s journal. A few months ago I received an email from a friend. I cared about this friend probably more than I should have cared (Shhh). So any message I got from her I always read it with the mindset that I like her and she likes me. Anyway, here is the line in question.

“You do, for the record, require a lot of energy”

So as I read this the first time I took it as a passing thought. I figured that the person enjoyed spending time with me and enjoyed expending this energy. So I took this as a compliment . . sort of. But change is inevitable, and this particular relationship has changed drastically. Oh, one additional tidbit is that she never has time to actually speak to me so emails and / or text messages has been the only form of communication. So last week I was bored and re-read some of her emails.

I re-read this particular line with the new mindset of “this chick doesn’t have time for me so I was obviously mistaken”. Well, while reading this line again I got an entirely different message. I now understand this quote to be stating that I am a pain in her ass. Suddenly all the hesitation I had about giving up on this chick went away.

In an email or text message you do not know the thought process of the person typing the words. You have to assume their mindset at that particular moment. It’s a damn guess folks. And if you guess wrong then you get the intent of the message wrong.

I think women started this craze, as if us men weren’t confused enough already.

Here is what I want you to do today. Grab a handful of emails and / or text messages from someone in your life. Determine how you BELIEVE that this person feels about you, particularly at the moment that the message was sent to you. Then change this perspective in your mind and read the email / message again. It may bring out a whole new thought process.

My ultimate goal is to form an alliance of individuals and move to ban text messages and emails. Force people to talk to each other again, either face to face or on the phone. Make people react immediately to your words and actions. Take away the opportunity to sit on a message for a while and then respond.

Personally, I think the world would be a much better place then. And the charming people of the world will rule!

My Journal 126

Today is more “crap” about me that you probably don’t care to hear or know. This all pertains to my old sports days.

~

During my football season I would never watch any other football than the team I was playing next. I didn’t watch NFL or College on TV and I wouldn’t attend other games. My thought was that if I only watched the team I was playing next then they would be the only thing on my mind; and I wouldn’t confuse what the Detroit Lions did in the same situation.

~

I had the same “Spirit Girl” for three years. Her job was to bring me goodies to eat each day, decorate my room and front yard before every game, and stand with me during pep rallies.

On my own I came up with a weekly “Spirit Girl B”. During lunch on Monday any girl wanting to be my weekly spirit girl would come out and dance for me. I would pick one each week. Their job was to drive me to lunch every day and pay for my lunch, to wait around the field house after a game until I came out and give me a ride home, to wait outside while I soaked my knee in a tub for an hour, to then take me to whatever party I was supposed to attend, and if I didn’t get “hooked up” at the party then they would provide my entertainment. Finally they would drive me back home again.

Geez, I was a prick. But for the record, there were usually a dozen girls trying out each week, and most came back several times to try out for a second tour of duty.

~

My pregame ritual was to eat a HUGE pre-game meal around 3:30, then smoke a joint. Then I would take a HOT shower for about an hour. I wouldn’t towel dry, I would just grab my walkman and sit in the field house and listen to Ritchie Blackmore. Before I suited up I would visit the trainer. I got 4 “Instant Freeze” shots in my knee and three more in each ankle. Then I would get taped up.

FYI, I never put clothes on until it was time to suit up. About 30 minutes before the bus would leave to take us to the stadium I would dress. I napped on the bus, still listening to Ritchie Blackmore. When I got to the stadium, I would do my required interviews and then walk the field. I would cover every inch searching for dips, holes or anything that would screw up my knee.

I never spoke to anyone from 3:30 on (except if I was require to give a pregame interview). I would just listen to music and think about the guy I was going to cover. This always spooked the new guys because I was so outgoing the rest of the time. But this was my way to get ready for war.

Oh, and my mom made me three steaks and a dozen fried eggs every morning of a game.

~

I never once missed a game due to an injury. I played with a concussion. I played with a broken nose three twice. I played with a broken jaw once. I played with a separated shoulder once. I played with broken ribs once. I played with a broken ankle. And I played every week with a knee that was horrible. But I never missed a game.

~

I have always enjoyed contact. So I was constantly hitting the other players, even when the ball was far away from us. I always wore what is called a “cage” facemask, which means a bar was vertical in the front. One season I wore an “open cage” facemask (trying to be cool) which means no bar in front of the nose. In 5 games I broke my nose twice. I never wore an open cage again.

~

I always wore white cleats, even when black was in style. I always thought it made me faster. I would wear a pair of shoes for two games or three at the most. Then I tossed them. I usually had up to six pair of cleats in my locker at any time with varying styles of cleats. That way I could pick the best pair for the specific field and weather.

~

During my career, I played every position on the field at least once. But every season I played I was given the additional duty of being the designated punt returner. The only position I hated playing was the punt returner. Go figure?

~

I never wore gloves, sweat bands or any other popular sports crap. Whether it was 110 degrees or 25 degrees I wore the same old ripped t-shirt under my pads and nothing else. I felt like I had to feel the ball and the game in order to succeed. I never wore shorts under my pants. I am told on rainy nights my white game pants were very sheer.

~

The first year I went out for Little League Football, the coach told me I was born two weeks too early and was not the right age to start playing. He also told me I should try baseball instead as he felt I was too short, skinny and awkward to ever play football. I asked if I could work out with the team for the day anyway since my dad had already dropped me off and left.

I was a starter at two positions by the end of the practice, and the coach lied to the league about my age. I started at two positions ever season from that point forward. Until High School I was always the lightest player on each team and usually the smallest.

~

The last game of my Sophomore season I heard a chant in the stands. After the game my folks told me that they were chanting my new nickname, which was “Savior”. It was created by another teammate’s parent. I was told that they always believed that at the end of the game I would do something to win the game, like a savior. It stuck through college.

~

The day I was told I couldn’t play football anymore because of my injuries is still the saddest day of my life.

My Journal 125

Have you ever been in love?

Horrible isn't it?

It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real “gets inside you and rips you apart” pain.

But life is love and living is loving. When you give up on love you give up on life.

Anyone can give up on love, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength. And that is true love.

My Journal 124

I probably should leave my Easter Greeting as my last post of the week. But as usual shit happened and I have to adjust. This just needs to be said, and it needs to be said right now!

I sometimes wonder if people think I am sometimes lost. Well, guess no more. I am never lost. People that I let near me get to know me. People that I let "hang around" me get to see ONLY what I want them to see. People that I dislike do fine as long as they stay off my radar. If they don’t then I will give them hell.

So who am I? I’ll explain me in my way.

Bucket lists are a joke. Mine is empty. If there is something that I want to do I just freakin’ do it. I don’t write it down. I don’t have a list of things I want to do. I have just one thing I haven’t done in my life and I’ve told all of you about that hundreds of times. But aside from that one thing, I do as I please.

Threats against me just piss me off. Look, some drunken idiot may make a threat. No big deal because he is drunk. But a sober, albeit ignorant, individual that makes a threat against me needs to do a little homework.

·          Tell me not to do something and I’ll do it twice just to piss you off.

·          Challenge me and I’ll not only show you up, but I will intentionally HUMILIATE you in the process.

·          I can take care of myself . . . trust me.

Keep in mind folks, even though I don’t mention it to many, there was a time in my life (believe it or not) when a lot of really well trained bad asses who do nothing all day but scheme and plan on how to “get” folks were after me. Yup, some of the people on those Most Wanted Lists were not hiding from everyone, they were chasing my ass. Yet in spite of having hundreds of bullets fly past my head, explosions all around me numerous times, fights with armed men, torture, blood, death and dismemberment all around me. .

I’M STILL HERE AND THEY ARE NOT!

Bottom line . . . don’t ever challenge me or threaten me. I have a helluva win and loss record. And I PROMISE that you will not like the results.

I ask females for advice. What’s wrong with that? I don’t understand women. I have a GREAT IQ, but the gene that give me insight into women was replaced with a gene that makes me a total “nin-come-poop”. I like women but they are like these beings from another planet.

Hey, it’s simple to explain. When a woman confuses me I get frustrated. When I get frustrated I get angry. When I get angry things go boom. So to keep things from going boom, I either just say “fuck ‘em” and walk away or I ask another female for an interpretation. I DO NOT confront someone that I think is trying to mess with my head. First, I can pretty much GUARANTEE that what’s in my head is more voluminous and organized that what’s in your head. So you will lose. Second, my way of confronting someone is to knock them out. But I’ve been to jail too many times to keep doing that.

So I am left with walking away or asking for advice. But I am not necessarily following any advice I get. I am a big boy and I make my own decisions. I just like to make sure I have PLEANTY of data to make the best decision for me.

Lack of planning on your part does not mean a crisis on my part. Hey if you screw up and piss me off, that’s your problem. I don’t judge anyone, but I do choose with whom I share my life. If you are one of those “luck few” that make it into my inner circle then you really should feel privileged. In my life VERY FEW have made it in. If you are stuck on the outside . . . NOT MY PROBLEM! IF YOU CHOOSE TO BE ON THE OUTSIDE then just go. That’s your loss, because I am one of those guys you want to have as a friend.

Am I conceited? Shit you know the answer to that already. I am not conceited, I am just HONEST. Don’t bother thinking I am conceited or weird unless you have been by my side for every step of my life. NO ONE knows everything I’ve seen, done and lived through. And I am 100% confident that NO ONE else could have survived. That does not make me conceited, it MAKES ME REAL.

Don’t bother deceiving me. You may get one or maybe two lies past me, but I can spot a scam. If you truly know me then you should know that there is no reason to ever lie to me. No matter what happens, I’ve done worse. I hate people who keep important secrets, try to fool you, try to USE you, or just flat out lie to you. I don’t tolerate it either. If I like you I may call you on it once to see how you react. If you confess, then we talk. If you continue to lie, then all trust is gone.

Remember folks, I seldom ask a questions THAT I DON’T ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER TO. I do that to see what YOU will do. Hey, maybe you don’t need shit like me in your life. Well if that’s the case then it’s YOUR problem and not mine. I just walk away. You can go your way.

Bye-Bye!

Ignore me and you can forget me. Why is that you ask? Well my pretty friends, when someone asks me for a favor or asks a question, it becomes my NUMBER 1 PRIORITY. I don’t rest, sleep, eat, or crap until I take care of it. I don’t ask for many favors and I seldom reach out for help. But when I do someone had damn well better respond. If not, I DON”T FUCKIN’ NEED YOU!

I don’t like bull-shit, drama, or laziness.

What do I want in a woman?

As usual I know exactly what I want.

Looks – Their appearance is probably the least important facto to me. But they have to have “flash”. What I mean is when I am with them I want every guy to notice them. I want everyone to wish they were me for being with her. But if you want a further physical description then this would be it.

·          Wild blond hair.

·          Blue or green eyes.

·          Tall, and big is ok too.

·          Slightly tanned.

·          Large breasts.

·          Muscular legs.

Personality – This is the MOST IMPORTANT part of the woman I want. She has to be outgoing, fun loving, active and darn near cocky. She has to love herself first. She had to be direct with me. She has to be on my side, even when I am wrong (assuming I ever am wrong). She needs to be tough enough to stand up to me and not let me always get my way, but she also has to be soft enough to handle me in my down cycle. She must my best friend and my confidant. She needs to be my arm candy when we go out, my business partner when we work, my best friend, my defender when I’m out, my lover and my whore. She has to love to “show herself off”.

She can have 100 priorities, and I do not have to ALWAYS be the number 1 priority. I am very self sufficient. But I have to believe that I am in the top 10. And when she needs me she will be my priority, so when I want something I should be her priority. She can be emotional, but not a drama queen.

Character – She has to be of SUPER high character. I don’t care if she lies to everyone else, but she keeps nothing from me. If she finds a dollar on the street she turns it in. If someone charges her too little by mistake she lets them know. She is comfortable going out without me and being as wild as she wants, but I have to know she is coming home to me or I’ll burn an entire town to the ground.

I flirt. People are drawn to me. It happens. But if I tell you I am with you then I AM WITH YOU. I will never wander from her. If she loses interest in me, I will tell her I have a problem. If she chooses not to fix it then I will tell her I am leaving. There will be no surprises or secrets . . . AND I EXPECT THE SAME!

Goals – She has to be as driven as me, and I want it all. Nothing is ever enough and second place is the first loser. And we have to have shared goals as well as individual goals. Every day we take one step TOGETHER towards our goals. She has to be bright, educated, and have an incredible imagination.

So see, it’s not too much to ask for.

So why do I write this today?

BECAUSE I AM ME!!!! I never left, or changed. I never lost who I am. I write to entertain and to make points. Just don’t ever forget who I am.

My Journal 123

It is the Easter weekend, and I need to question a few things. I am spiritual, but not in the traditional manner. I believe in a Supreme Being, I believe in chatting with this Supreme Being on a regular basis, and I definitely believe in signs. I am the only Non-Preacher/Priest I have ever met that has taken the time to read the ENTIRE bible, cover to cover, twice. I’m not a religious genius, but I do have my interpretation of all the events noted in the bible.

That being said, I believe that there are two religious holidays. One is Easter and one is Christmas. Christmas is to celebrate the birth date of our savior. Easter is to celebrate his resurrection. The way I see it, one holiday is a birthday party and the other holiday is a celebration of a major event that affects all of us. So why are the celebrations so different?

Christmas has a season, the Christmas season. This lasts for about a month from Thanksgiving until New Years Day. People decorate everything, people sing Christmas carols, people buy lots of gifts, people throw parties, businesses shut down and everyone is in a “nicer” mood. Christmas is a big darn deal to everyone. People even have Christmas sex!

Easter has about a week, yet very few people know that. To most people Easter is simply the one Sunday each year that they feel obligated to drag their ass to church. Personally I don’t attend a church. I did for many years and I have my reasons for no longer attending. Anyway, there are very few decorations, no Easter songs, very few gifts, no parties and most people don’t get a day off.

Christmas has Santa Claus. Easter has the Easter Bunny. No offense to “bunny” fans but it appears that Easter is getting the short end of the character stick. Christmas has a giant meal with all your family including turkey, dressing and sweet potatoes. Easter has hot dogs with the neighbors?

It’s just my opinion, but to me it makes sense that we celebrate the resurrection of our savior, the forgiveness of our sins, and all the miracles associated with Easter with a much greater vigor than the simple birth of our savior. I mean one event is a birth, and let’s be honest here, at birth our savior hadn’t done a whole lot. Ok, we are told that upon his birth there is a lot of potential good, which is eventually received. But as of the date of his birth, nothing had happened.

Conversely, upon his resurrection he had accomplished many feats and miracles. This was the end of the game, just after the winning drive. This is what moments are made of in our society. I mean seriously, we all remember John Elway’s “THE DRIVE” where he wins the big game in the final seconds with a miraculous effort. But who remember John Elway’s birthday?

All this makes me wonder why Easter gets so slighted. My guess is that it occurs in the spring. We are a very busy population today. And I am like you, give me a sunny day by the pool with cold beer in the refrigerator and I tend to forget about the forgiveness of my sins (usually while I am committing new sins). Yet Christmas is in the dead of winter. What the heck else would you be doing between Thanksgiving and New Years if not for Christmas. So my guess is that Christmas wins the popular vote simply because there is nothing else to do.

Anyway, all this leads to my advice to you. Take a moment Sunday to chat with whomever you believe to be your Supreme Being. Get down on your knees and pray for forgiveness, give thanks for who you are today, and ask for what you need. It’s ok to ask for stuff, trust me.

As for me, I will pray for all of you. I will ask forgiveness for all the deeds I have done in my life with which I struggle. I will give thanks for being who I am today and for having you in my life. And I will ask that while one of you SPECIAL ladies is on your knees, that I be miraculously transported right in front of you!

Like I said  . . . you can ask for anything.

Happy Easter!

My Journal 122

The Shrimp Peel

He didn’t normally drink at company functions. He wasn’t worried about his job or the rules either. He just chose to drink water when he is technically working. But what other employees did was perfectly alright. Anyway, he was trapped in the office area monitoring the restrooms.

She was drinking. She was having fun as well. She was out at the party; talking, laughing and enjoying herself. This was a side of her he had not seen before. During office hours she was a thinker. She was a lot like him; organized, dedicated and only interested in success. So he was enjoying his sneak peeks at her dancing around.

She wore a dress today, it’s the first time he remembers her wearing a dress. She probably wore them before, but he didn’t notice. But tonight he noticed. She had very nice legs. He wondered how he could have missed them before. But he went to work as a professional, not to “oogle” over the female’s legs.

He was in the front office, with about three other people when she stumbled in. She announced that she was leaving, yet she sat on a desk and just smiled. At first she was smiling around the room, but then her focus centered on him. After a few moments, she announced again that she was leaving. This time she even got up and headed for the door. He had a genuine concern for her ability to drive, so he followed her.

He caught up to her at her car door, taking her elbow in his hand.

“Hi, are you ok to drive home?” he asked.

“Oh yes, I am just fine.” she replied.

Her demeanor led him to believe that perhaps she was mistaken; but since he hadn’t ever witnessed her in this atmosphere before he wasn’t sure of her abilities. She turned to face him and leaned against her vehicle.

“Ok, well I am willing to pay for a cab if you think you may need one.” he suggested.

She paused for a second, while slightly nibbling on her lip.

“Or you can just drive me to my house?” she suggested an alternative.

The look in her eyes told him that this wasn’t simply a request to get a ride home. Suddenly he noticed that she wasn’t just a co-worker. She was a woman and a beautiful woman also. At that moment many thoughts raced through his mind. The most pressing was if he was mis-reading her statement. He would love to drive her home, but what if she really just wanted a ride only. If that is the case he would rather just pay a cab to take her.

But all that was wiped away with a sudden move on her part. She reached out and kissed him. It was a quick peck, but it made her point very well.

“Well, I could drop you off at your house, and then come back in the morning to pick you up?” he proposed to her.

With a huge smile she responded, “Or you could just stay at my house and we can come in together tomorrow . . . I’ll fix breakfast?”

Suddenly he began to realize that she was not tipsy at all. This was a staged act to get him to notice her. And it worked. He reached out and took her hand as she locked her car. They walked to his car still holding hands. She was no longer stumbling, and she was focused on him as he was focused on her. He wondered how he had never noticed her before.

The drive to her place was fairly uneventful. They held hands for a while; there were a lot of glances and smiles, and the occasional touch. But the anticipation was the foremost thing on his mind. He parked in front of her house, and they walked up together. She was fumbling for her keys as they reached the door.

She walked in first, and he followed. He closed the door behind him as she watched. She turned to continue into the house, but he grabbed her arm. He pulled her back to him, turned her towards him, and pinned her against the front door. For a moment there was motionless silence, just the quiet anticipation emitting from both of them.

He leaned in to her, she leaned towards him.

[That’s if for now folks, email if you want the rest]

My Journal 121

Guess what we are NO LONGER discussing?

Lovely Girl is one of my best friends and I completely respect her opinion. And I have listened and understood everything she has shared. I received two more comments as well . . . Thank you! I have agreed to a middle ground in this crisis. I will not completely give up, but at the same time I will not put out nearly the effort I have been. Whatever happens next is up to someone else.

OK, moving on (hopefully for good).

I was thinking back last night to all the stories I have written over the past 10 years. There were a lot of really good one’s in there (or at least I think so). But one day my computer crashed and about 20 stories and many poems were lost forever.

I still write, but I wish I could read some of those stories again. I save my stories elsewhere now. The problem I foresee is that someday that may vanish as well. Or, in the event of my demise no one will know where these stories are located. Putting my vanity aside, it is probable that no one really wants to read those stories. But I’ve always felt that there is only one way to guarantee immortality, and that is to leave behind some words.

When I started this page I asked my friends to write about me. This was what I included in the “about me” section of this page. But since then I have removed their words. (Yup, I had my reasons). If you remember, I used to just send these to my friends via email. A journal page was suggested, a friend recommended this site, and viola I did a page.

I remember having a few rules for myself when I did this page.

Rule #1 – Never write anything personal. I guess I sort of blew that one, but I will now go back.

Rule #2 – No pictures of me. If you check you will find nothing about me anywhere on the internet. It’s a phobia of mine. I always wonder if there is someone out there somewhere that has a grudge with me regarding my past life.

Rule #3 – At least one page a week. I sort of met that requirement don’t you think?

Rule #4 – Make it fun.

So, for the most part I have kept to my rules. I don’t include my stories here very often. I occasionally include a poem, but I don’t do that often because I don’t want people thinking I am a “mamby-pamby” or something. Today I include some lyrics.

These are the lyrics to my favorite all time rock and roll song. I don’t think I’ve included this before, but if I did it is worth reading again. It’s a song about a guy who is REALLY into a girl. But the girl is taken by another man. Yet this man isn’t treating her right. So the song is telling the woman that if she decides to leave him he will be waiting.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. And I hope you download the actual song as there are some GREAT guitar licks in this one.

Great White – Rock Me!

Sweet little baby, you don't have to go
Little baby, tell me you won't go
We'd be so good together if we had the time
Bein' alone's a nowhere state of mind

Lovin' ain't no crime, oh no
I see your man ain't here, he don't care
The way of the night has gone, we'll move on
Got to find a way to face another day

I search the world for someone I'll never find
Someone who ain't the hurtin' kind
If you stay the night, oh yeah
We'll make the wrong seem right, so come on now

Rock me, rock me, roll me through the night
Rock me, rock me, roll me through the night
Rock me, rock me, roll me through the night
We'll burn in love tonight

Sweet little baby, oh, don't you go, you ain't so innocent, I know
I know your heart's like mine, oh yeah
And I will find the time to make you mine
And if your love goes bad, if it makes you sad
I'll be back for more at your door

Rock me, rock me, roll me through the night
Rock me, rock me, roll me through the night
Rock me, rock me, roll me through the night
Before the mornin' light we'll burn with love tonight
Burn with love tonight

And when your man don't care, I will be there
Still be lovin' real good love so baby now

Rock me, rock me, roll me through the night
Rock me, rock me, roll me through the night
Rock me, rock me, roll me through the night
There's no wrong or right, we'll burn with love

Rock me, rock me, roll me through the night
Rock me, rock me, roll me through the night
Rock me, rock me, roll me through the night
There's nothing left to do but make sweet love to you

So come on and rock me

My Journal 120

I seriously have an Easter topic to discuss, and I guess I am sort of on a deadline here. I mean Easter is right around the corner. But my good friend Lovely Girl is vehemently arguing with my decision from this weekend. Based on our discussions, I believe the root of our disagreement is the definition of a relationship; specifically a friendship.

So I will give you my definition of a relationship among friends. Or at least how I would handle someone I considered a friend since that is how I would expect to be handled as well.

A friend is someone you care about. You don’t have to tell them because you show them every day of your life. Telling them is fine, but if I care for someone then they know it . . . I make sure of it with my actions such as:

If I don’t hear from them in a day or two I will call, text, email of just go see them to make sure everything is ok.

I tell them all the good and bad that happens in my life; not because I have to do this but because I WANT to do this. And they feel exactly the same way. I never am at a loss for where they are, what they are doing, or how they are feeling.

They are a priority to me. I want to see them, talk to them, laugh with them, and whatever else they need. When something really great, or really bad happens, I make them my number 1 priority.

When they need something I respond. When I need something they respond. There is NEVER a delay.

There are no hidden agendas, no secrets, and no lies . . . . EVER.

Now, if someone tells me they are my friend and yet can do none of the above then I feel I have the right to walk away. Seriously, if someone is not doing this then I fell strange doing it. There is a reason that they don’t, and the only logical conclusion is that they don’t want a friendship they just want the illusion of a friendship.

Lovely girl believes that everyone has their own definition, and if I care for the person I should adjust and adapt my thinking to meet their way of thinking. Perhaps she is right. But my question to her (and to you) is how much should I change myself or how many of my needs do I give up before I am acting like a stranger as opposed to a friend?

Also, when is the moment that you are using someone as opposed to being a friend?

I SUCK at friendships and maybe this is why. So I ask you to email me with your thoughts.

PLEASE, this is seriously dominating my life today . . . .

And Lovely Girl won’t back down . .

My Journal 119

Well, apparently my simple thought to “give up” on having a relationship was the only thing I mentioned this morning that anyone caught. Since this has become such an issue, let me explain what I mean by “giving up”. I will no longer spend my time trying to be a part of someone’s life when there is ZERO effort on their part to be a part of mine. Simple, right?

I will never turn down someone in need of help, no matter what. I promised all my friends to be here if they ever need me.

Moving on . . .

So I came up with a super idea. Hopefully it’s an idea that can make me a buck (if I ever find the time to act on it). And no it has nothing to do with my wine bar, which ash hit snags but is nowhere near dead.

I keep seeing signs that warn about cell phone use while driving. I even hear that some states have fines for texting or talking while driving. Heck, I don’t even use a phone when I am standing around.

So I thought about building a cell phone slot on the outside of the vehicle. If the phone is not inserted in the slot then the car won’t start. If the phone is removed the car stops.

I am confident that some of you have already determined that you would just buy a “throw away” phone to put in the slot so you could have your “dear” phone handy on the inside. So I will install a scrambler in all vehicles to negate any phone signals. You would get no service from any other phone than the one in the slot outside of the vehicle.

Oh well, it’s still on the blackboard.

Hey!

Def Leppard is coming to town. That’s one of my groups. Rock on BABY!

Def Leppard - "Love Bites"

If you've got love in your sights
Watch out, love bites

When you make love, do you look in the mirror?
Who do you think of, does he look like me?
Do you tell him lies and say that it's forever?
Do you think twice, or just touch 'n' see?
Ooh babe ooh yeah

When you're alone, do you let go?
Are you wild 'n' willin' or is it just for show?
Ooh c'mon

I don't wanna touch you too much baby
'Cos making love to you might drive me crazy
I know you think that love is the way you make it
So I don't wanna be there when you decide to break it
No!

Love bites, love bleeds
It's bringin' me to my knees
Love lives, love dies
It's no surprise
Love begs, love pleads
It's what I need

When I'm with you are you somewhere else?
Am I gettin' thru or do you please yourself?
When you wake up will you walk out?
It can't be love if you throw it about
Ooh babe

I don't wanna touch you too much baby
'Cos making love to you might drive me crazy

Love bites, love bleeds
It's bringin' me to my knees
Love lives, love dies

If you've got love in your sights
Watch out, love bites
Yes it does
It will be hell

My Journal 118

I had BIG plans for this weekend, and even though it didn’t turn out exactly as I had planned I still managed to achieve most of my goals in one way or another. But first, I have to share something that to me was a “no-brainer”, but apparently is a HUGE thing to one of my friends.

I became interested in someone last year around this time. I wanted to get to know more about them, and be a part of their life, as I have done with the rest of my friends. But last week I realized that one year after I started trying, I now know less about this person than I did back then. It was a big “eye opener” to realize this fact.

Also, you all know my three rules which are like me, make time for me and be honest with me. This person hasn’t done any of the three. So I decided to give up on her. To me it wasn’t that big a deal. I really believe that this one individual doesn’t give a shit. But in a conversation I had last night with Lovely girl she pointed out that it was a monumental decision.

As she stated, one of the things that she loves about having me as her best friend is that no matter what she does, how she acts, or what goes wrong; she ALWAYS knows that I won’t give up on anyone. Looking back, once I have committed to a friendship I never have given up on someone. To her, if I give up now it will be easier to give up later on someone else. She loved knowing that I never give up and she hates the idea that I am willing to do this.

I thought about it again. I made one last try to connect with this ABSENT person. But ZIPPO!

I will stick to my thought, and I apologize to my friends. I won’t give up on anyone else. Promise.

Ok, enough with the boring crap. Let’s discuss my weekend.

I mentioned last week that I needed to visit my fight club. And yes, this one ABSENT person was one of the reasons I needed to vent a bit. So I went. But I couldn’t get anyone to challenge me. I did need the action so I kept hanging around and bugging guys trying to convince them to challenge me.

I finally got a fight, but I couldn’t get into the ring until after 11:00. Geez, I get up a 3:30 am and now I am scheduled to fight at 11:00 that night. Believe it or not, I was a wee bit tired. And it showed. This guy lit me up the first round. And I found out later that one of the punches or collisions did give me my eighth concussion.

And to make matters worse, in the third round he knocked me down. I didn’t slip or trip, this guy hit me hard enough to knock me off of my feet. But then he made a critical mistake. He stomped on me while I was down. It had been a relatively clean fight to that point, but stomping on a guy who is taking the count is cowardly. I’m sure his logic was to send a message for me to stay down. But it had the opposite effect on me. I got so pissed that I jumped to my feet and once the ref cleared us to fight, I rammed him knocking him back into the cage. Two body shots and a head shot and the ref grabbed me as the guy dropped to the ground.

So now I stand at 5 wins and no losses with 4 knockouts and one TKO. But the doctor says I need to stop. He doesn’t think my head can take much more of a beating. I left the club with a severe headache, went to an emergency clinic and was told to visit a hospital. My head still hurts today, but I did get my anger out and I did win.

I spent Saturday doing my usual yard work. People started dropping by around noon, and two of them said they were planning on becoming seriously wasted. So before I started drinking I followed both of them home and brought them back so that they could crash at the house. Yup, I do worry about drunk driving and I take care of my friends.

And we all did get lit up.

Around 11 pm, I was stumbling to my room. Some had already crashed and some were still out by the pool. But I was finished. If you remember, my second big goal was to get laid this weekend. I thought about it and I was too drunk and tired to put out the effort. So I just went to my bed.

But I had a visitor. About 30 minutes later I sensed someone stumbling into my room. I figured someone was just too drunk and entered the wrong bedroom (we have a bunch). It was one of the female friends, wearing just her bikini bottoms, and she made herself comfortable in the bed right next to me.

Yup, I got laid. I think I actually got it twice. And nope, no comments about it.

So, to recap . . . I gave up on someone for the first time in my life . . . I fought and won, but may not be able to fight again . . . . And I got laid.

Not too bad, huh?

My Journal 117

I was just thinking that I seriously need to get laid. Once again I had an epiphany about the inconsistencies between male and female. You might remember that I already covered how males have to work their ass off just to have a chance to be laid; and females can just snap their fingers and be laid.

But this epiphany was regarding prostitution. Yes, I was considering calling an escort service. Around the office you can get a BJ for $10. Downtown the females are a little less disgusting, but cost about twice the rate. Or you can call and someone will show up for about $200, and she is usually very nice looking.

That was when I realized that technically every time I have had sex it was prostitution.

Let me explain via an example. The least certain plan I have for getting laid is to go to a bar, drop about $150 to $200 on drinks for some unknown lady, and MY odds are about 75% that I will charm her out of her panties. But I still have to shell out the cash first. Now I can improve my odds to about 90% by taking a certain friend out. She won’t do shit unless she’s been fed and adequately inebriated though. So there you go again, anywhere from $150 to $200. Finally, I have a 100% certain female. I mean all I have to do is show up and I get anything I want. And she doesn’t care about being fed or getting drunk. She just wants to have sex and then leave.

That one may sound like a dream come true; but alas she lives in a different city. So between gas and hotel rooms I end up out about $150 to $200. Basically, unless I want the toothless homeless woman hanging out on the dock, or a street walker, I will have to pay about $200 to get laid. Is that right?

I brought this up once with one of my friends, the one that is a 90% certainty if she gets drinks and food. I asked if this wasn’t an act of prostitution. I pay someone to hand her something, and I get to use her as my plumbing in return. Her response was that I was incorrect. She said I am paying her nothing. I disagreed. I am paying the bartender (a pimp) to give the girl (hooker) compensation (food and liquor) for me to have sex. Folks, that is prostitution.

And to make matters worse, women can get laid all they want AND NEVER SPEND A DIME.

You think I am full of crap? Ok, allow me to prove it. Each of you are in possession of a cellular phone. I am convinced that right now you have stored phone numbers for male friends. I can guarantee that you can pick ANY number in your phone, call it right now, and say you are naked, lying in bed, and want to be laid . . . and the guy will come running. More than likely he won’t even waste the time to hang up his phone. He will just be banging on your door in less than 5 minutes while drooling all over your welcome mat.

Ladies, if I am lying then I am dying. You can have sex anytime you want it for free.

But you may still claim that the male version of getting laid isn’t prostitution. So let’s reverse roles and see. I have all your numbers in my phone. I can call ALL of you and say I am naked, lying in bed, and want YOUR piece of ass. ALL of you will laugh and / or hang up. Some of you may never speak to me again.

Yet I could call you up and ask you for dinner and drinks. You would probably say Ok. We would meet, eat, drink, and then I would turn on my charm, with and sex appeal and I bet I would get three out of four of you in bed.

Why the difference?

Because all females are technically hookers. You have to be wined and dined BEFORE you will even consider spreading your legs. I hate to be crude, but look at the reality here. Am I wrong?

Now this isn’t a fun game for males but we have to play along because you are the only game in town. Trust me, we would love to be able to just ask without being slapped (and sometimes we do just ask). It NEVER works.

Maybe if the roles were reversed, and you had to pay $200 to get laid EVERY time then you would want to play a new game too.

So, I do have $200 and I will be doing the horizontal bop before 11:00 Saturday night with someone. Whether I just hand them the cash, or have to go through the middleman, it will happen because I want it. NO, I NEED IT!!! So if I am wrong then give me a call after work.

Hey, $200 would buy you a nice pair of shoes!

[BET NO ONE CALLS THOUGH!]