Yesterday I was told that I was “SWEET”. I did in fact ask how or why I was sweet, but no answer was forthcoming. Now I hope that it was intended as a compliment in this instance, but I figure that you ladies should know exactly what you are saying when you call a guy sweet. Actually, some of you probably already know exactly what you are saying, but just in case let me to educate you. I made a list of some of the comments females will use and what it means to us guys.
YOU ARE SWEET – No matter how drunk I get, or how horny that I am, or how good you may look, or how charming you are . . . you will NEVER get any pussy here!
LET’S BE FRIENDS - No matter how drunk I get, or how horny that I am, or how good you may look, or how charming you are . . . you will NEVER get a blow job here!
I LIKE HANGING OUT WITH YOU - No matter how drunk I get, or how horny that I am, or how good you may look, or how charming you are . . . you will NEVER get to see tits here!
I THINK OF YOU AS MY BIG BROTHER - No matter how drunk I get, or how horny that I am, or how good you may look, or how charming you are . . . you will NEVER get to see me in only a thong and heels!
I LIKE YOU - No matter how drunk I get, or how horny that I am, or how good you may look, or how charming you are . . . you will NEVER get to lick me anywhere!
I LIKE TALKING WITH YOU - No matter how drunk I get, or how horny that I am, or how good you may look, or how charming you are . . . you will NEVER get to see me on my knees!
WHY DON’T WE HAVE LUNCH INSTEAD - No matter how drunk I get, or how horny that I am, or how good you may look, or how charming you are . . . you will NEVER get to see me naked!
Ok, I think you get the idea here. Basically we are back to the basics from one of my first journals. Geez ladies, we live in the same world with you. Now you may absolutely hate guys, or sex, or whatever; but we have to coexist. There is no other planet that we can move to yet. And there isn’t another option with which we can have sex.
So do us a tiny favor . . . BE FUCKING HONEST. Trust me, we can handle the truth. We PREFER the truth. You can’t hurt our feelings. We are big, rough and tough dudes. So come on! Quit with all the goofy ass comments.
Guys are never sweet. Whatever we do we are either just being stupidly honest because we don’t know any better; or we are trying to get our “winker” in your mouth or the mouth of some other chick that you have some pull over.
Guys don’t want to be friends with girls. Our friends are guys because they completely understand how screwed up everything is. Guys tell guys when we look like crap, when we have pissed someone off, and we honestly tell each other what we really want to do. And with guys we can burp and fart when we want. That’s the way we like things.
Guys don’t want to just hang out with girls. Seriously, we’re usually dropping a ton of dough when we hang out with a girl. Do you really think it is worth it just to be around you? We expect a return on our investments.
A Big Brother? What chick would screw her brother? Give us a break, we may be ignorant of your language but we are not morons.
Guys aren’t in this to be liked. We really don’t care if we are liked. We want to be admired, adored and the guy that you think of when you are taking your bath.
Guys don’t like to talk, and we truly suck at it. If we can seriously keep your attention with conversation for 30 minutes, we get a special guy award at a huge ceremony in New York. For the record, no one has ever won that coveted award yet. If we get you talking it’s just so we can see your lips move and make our fantasy that much better.
Guys don’t do lunch. We want you at night, in the dark, with lots of booze and loud music. It tends to dull your senses and makes your clothes fall off. No guy has ever gotten a blow job for a lunch date . . ever. Ummm . . well . . ok, one time I did.
Ladies, we guys can handle playing the odds. Tell us that there is only a one in a million chance that you will screw us and we are not disappointed. We actually get excited, because we have A CHANCE. But once you say that there is ZERO chance, we’re gone. And these darn comments of yours tell us to go away.
I would absolutely love to ask a girl out one time and hear this:
“Yes, I will go out with you. You can spend all of your hard earned money buying me food, drinks, flowers and jewelry. You can take me to movies, dancing, concerts or the beach. But just to be honest with you, no matter what you do you won’t get any of this! Oh, and I will be going home every night after our date and becoming a sex slave to my fiancée who is a doctor . . . . or pull a train with the biker gang up the street.”
Shit, I would probably give all my money to that chick just for being honest!
So please, from the bottom of the hearts of every guy in the world, don’t tell us were sweet. Just be honest and say, “No sex, no way, no how”. That we understand.
Alright, while I am on my soap box here I’ve got something else to tell you. Since NONE of you apparently cared for your Valentine’s Story that I worked on for over a week (JUST FOR YOU), I decided to send it to a new chick. She LOVED it. She asked for more. She even asked me to write one about a certain sex act. Now THAT is appreciation.
So I will find a new “crew” to enjoy my stories and you can do without . . . since you obviously don’t enjoy them anymore!
Luv ya!
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