Tonight was my Fantasy Football Draft. I figure to most of you that’s probably super unimportant. But I did explain it to you last year in this blog what a big deal it is to me. And it is a rather big deal to me. I did get Calvin Johnson and Matt Ryan, so maybe it won’t be a horrible season.
But the draft turned out to be the second best event of the night. A friend that I have recently reconnected with really stepped up and impressed me tonight. So I’m going to brag about them bit. She is not the type of person that would enjoy knowing it, and I didn’t ask permission. So I won’t use her name, but you all know her.
But first, it’s SHOUT OUT time!
Banana Rama – I didn’t get your sweet messages before I left for Mexico, but I got them when I got back. You’re the best sweetie.
Martel – Wow, it was a big week for you. I’m so happy you allow me to be a part of it all. And don’t forget . . . .you're my Football Bitch this season!
Sasha Lucille – You write the nicest emails. But trust me, I can take care of myself and I will be back to normal soon.
HMPOA – I can’t tell you in words how happy I am that we’ve reconnected. There are moments I hate you, but there is always love mixed in with that hate. (Hehehe)
Sunshine – I’m not sure where you are now (as usual), but you mean a lot to me and it WAS your voice I heard many years ago urging me to push on. I will always be here for WHATEVER you want or need.
And introducing our new friend . . . .
Trish – Every time I have a slow gin fizz I will think of us in Mexico. You made me laugh on a sad day for me. I hope you were serious about staying in touch and reading my journals.
Ok, tonight I was seriously focused on my draft. Nothing could faze me. But I heard my phone vibrate, and I was expecting a reply from someone, so I checked. To my surprise it was one of my good friends wishing me luck with my draft. That was touching to me because she understood that it was a big deal to me, even if it was silly to her.
But wait . . . it gets better.
So I mention to her that I hadn’t eaten all day and how hungry I was. She tells me she would love to feed me if I wanted to drop by, and we could talk about the draft. How freakin' cool is that. I mention I’m hungry and instantly she offers to cook. I was more touched. And she would even let me ramble on about my silly draft.
But wait . . . . it gets EVEN better.
So I show up about 9:30 and she made my favorite dish. And friends, this chick can SERIOUSLY cook. It smelled so good and tasted even better. You may not know this about me, but I always offer to help with the cooking and cleaning. But I’ve dined at my friends place before and she won’t allow it. As a matter of fact she bans me from the kitchen. So I take a seat on the couch and she waits on me.
AND THEN SHE TURNS ON THE TV . . . . She had recorded the Texans game for me!!!!
So we got comfy on her couch, ate together, drank together, watched TV together, and talked. Ok, so we talked about more than my draft . . . big deal, IT WAS SO COOL!
I’m not a guy that wants, needs, or expects pampering. But you know something, every once in a while it feels good to know someone cares enough to take an interest in my likes, and then gives me a night of being handled. After all the confusing crap I’ve been through in the past two months it was so great to just sit back, let out a long breath of air, and relax with a close friend without worrying.
So here is little ol’ me bragging about her.
Ladies, no matter who your love interest is . . . . treat him like you give a shit and he will give you twice as much caring in return. Trust me, it feels great.
Ok, one last thing. Monday is a holiday and I am inviting everyone to come by my place Sunday to help me and my friends say goodbye to summer. It may have been the absolute worst summer of my life, but I will still miss the pool, the beer, the bikinis, and the good times.
I will be smoking a brisket if any store puts them on sale. If not, then I will be smoking ribs, sausage and chicken. My oldest boy will be grilling some ribs using his own recipe. And of course the pool will be open and the music will be rocking. So if you haven’t made plans, just let me know you’re coming and I throw on some more meat.
Have a great weekend and hope to see you!
Friday, August 31, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
My Journal #277 - My Trip
So . . . . I’m back.
The only problem we had was when we landed we had a fan club waiting. Some Federals were waiting for another passenger. Now, I had thought that my buddy was flying only me. But we had another passenger. I couldn’t complain because my trip was free, so I figured my buddy was charging this other guy for the fare.
But when we landed they grabbed all of us. It took about 14 hours for me to convince them that I wasn’t with that guy. But I was finally released and went on about my business. I found my old buddies plot, and I sat down for a while. I was hoping for something magical I guess; like maybe a voice from the dead telling me what I need to do. But it turned out just to be a nice day sitting quietly with an old friend.
Both my buddy and I were exhausted due to the flight in and the temporary detainment. So we decided to sleep Monday night instead of returning. So Tuesday I did a few tourist things, had a few slow gin fizzes, and we bailed Tuesday night. It was a nice break for me. And I made a new friend . .
When I got back my email account was filled with support. I put the signs I received on a previous page. Maybe that was my old buddies way of communicating with me.
Anyway, I missed you guys and my head is a bit clearer now. Someday I’ll be out of this "funk" and back to being a total jerk again.
The only problem we had was when we landed we had a fan club waiting. Some Federals were waiting for another passenger. Now, I had thought that my buddy was flying only me. But we had another passenger. I couldn’t complain because my trip was free, so I figured my buddy was charging this other guy for the fare.
But when we landed they grabbed all of us. It took about 14 hours for me to convince them that I wasn’t with that guy. But I was finally released and went on about my business. I found my old buddies plot, and I sat down for a while. I was hoping for something magical I guess; like maybe a voice from the dead telling me what I need to do. But it turned out just to be a nice day sitting quietly with an old friend.
Both my buddy and I were exhausted due to the flight in and the temporary detainment. So we decided to sleep Monday night instead of returning. So Tuesday I did a few tourist things, had a few slow gin fizzes, and we bailed Tuesday night. It was a nice break for me. And I made a new friend . .
When I got back my email account was filled with support. I put the signs I received on a previous page. Maybe that was my old buddies way of communicating with me.
Anyway, I missed you guys and my head is a bit clearer now. Someday I’ll be out of this "funk" and back to being a total jerk again.
My Journal #276 - Signs from a friend . . .
AND, my FAVORITE from Trish . . . Actions do speak louder than words!
And this one from Frank's daughter!
RAISE HELL IN HEAVEN FRANK!
Details about my trip are coming soon, but I made it back!
Sunday, August 26, 2012
My Journal #275 - A game of "Ringy Dingy" anyone?
That’s the name of a game I used to play in San Marcos. I played it again yesterday, only this time I played it alone.
As usual, you need the “back story” first.
Two years ago I was on one of my weekend trips. This trip was to San Marcos. It by no means was my first trip there, but there was a first for this trip. This was the start of the summer of 2010, and it was my first trip there knowing that someone I wanted to see was there.
While I was on the road I sent that person a text message saying I was coming and asking if she had time to meet. She never replied. There is a place in San Marcos where I like to eat, so when I arrived I went to that restaurant first. It was busy, but I saw a table with three young ladies dining and there was an empty seat. So I approached them, introduced myself, and offered to buy them a round of drinks if they would let me dine at their table.
It was the start of a two year friendship with these young ladies.
After dinner, we were walking out and I decided to try to contact that special someone again. One of the young ladies saw me and asked who I was texting. To me it was a bit too personal for me to share, so I just remarked that I was trying to connect with an old friend. The four of us began chatting, and time sort of slipped away. It had been maybe 20 minutes since I had sent the text message when one of the ladies asked if my friend had replied.
Nope.
[Little did I know back then that this was her modus operandi]
Even though I was very capable of making my own plans, which I always did anyway, the ladies told me of a party they were attending that evening. They asked if I wanted to go too. It sounded like fun so I began negotiating. Since I wasn’t invited by a host, I explained to them that they would have to escort me to the party. They agreed.
We parted ways, I checked into my room and got a shower and changed clothes. I connected with my new friends, went by their place and picked them up. And they escorted me to a college frat party. A few hours into the party one of them asked if I had ever heard from my friend.
Nope.
She suggested I try again. And then assuming I needed coaxing she told me that she couldn’t imagine someone not wanting to hang out with me. So I agreed to try again. But one of the other girls suggested a wager. She was bored with the party and bet me that my friend wouldn’t reply. I still firmly believed in my friend back then so I took the bet.
And that was when the four of us played our first game of “Ringy Dingy”
[Again, she didn’t reply]
Over the next two years I went to San Marcos once or twice a month. Each time I would try to let my special friend know I was coming. But since it had become obvious that she would never reply, I would also contact my three young coeds.
They were ALWAYS happy to hear I was coming. We would get together and go dancing, or out to eat, or attend a game, or go to a party, or just hang out at a local bar.
And EVERY time we would play “Ringy Dingy”. The game actually became a big event over the years. Where ever we were, I would announce that I was about to call or text my friend again. These three ladies would gather up everyone they could, sometimes up to 20 strangers. And everyone would place bets on whether my special friend would ignore me or not.
To be fair, this friend would communicate with me on occasion. She would simply never reply when I was on my way or in her town. And just so you know that I am not a total jerk, I never gave anyone her name. I meant it was a small college town and someone probably knew her. We were just playing a stupid game and no one needed to know the identity of my friend.
Actually, one night we had a close call. On that occasion a few days before I went to San Marcos I did get a reply from my friend. Her response was she was so busy, and she had to study non-stop all weekend long. During that weekend, while I was with my three friends (who now had become my close friends) I looked up and saw my special friend coming into the bar. I guess she was taking a break from studying.
I felt it would be in poor taste to disclose to my friend that I was there, especially since she was hanging all over the guys she was with. So I remained distant and quiet. But then to my amazement, one of my three new friends saw her . . . . and knew her. I panicked momentarily, but then realized that my new friends had no idea that the girl they knew was my friend too.
And that was when the stories began. Apparently my special friend was . . . hmmm . . . how do I say this . . . ummm . . . let’s say she was well known.
[Honest to god, that didn't bother me one bit. I SERIOUSLY cared about this woman . . . . who she is today. I just didn't like people saying bad things about someone so special to me!]
I actually didn’t want to hear the stories, but it took me a few minutes to fake an illness just so I could get away from hearing more. And they had already rattled off some less than modest stories. I did leave shortly after the stories began. But since they had pointed her out to me, and since she did have a big reputation, more stories came up over the years.
Urgh!
This May my three coeds became Alumni and left San Marcos to begin their adult life. I still stay in touch with them, and I heard from one yesterday. Her first question was to ask me if I wanted to play “Ringy Dingy”. We laughed and I went on with my day.
But then I decided to play on my own. So I sent a text message around 1 pm. At 4 pm I sent the same message again. I never got a reply. Later in the evening I was actually trying to delete the message from my phone (while very drunk) and somehow sent it again. To my surprise I got a reply! It was one word. My feelings were a combination of shock that she replied, and a bit of anger that she only had time for one word. So I replied with one word as well.
“WOW!”
I got a question mark back as a reply.
Anyway, I am trying to decide if I lost my bet with myself or not. I mean she didn’t reply to my two intentional messages, which means I win. She did reply to an accidental message though. So did I lose?
So, the next time any of us hang out . . . . let’s play “Ringy Dingy” ok?
As usual, you need the “back story” first.
Two years ago I was on one of my weekend trips. This trip was to San Marcos. It by no means was my first trip there, but there was a first for this trip. This was the start of the summer of 2010, and it was my first trip there knowing that someone I wanted to see was there.
While I was on the road I sent that person a text message saying I was coming and asking if she had time to meet. She never replied. There is a place in San Marcos where I like to eat, so when I arrived I went to that restaurant first. It was busy, but I saw a table with three young ladies dining and there was an empty seat. So I approached them, introduced myself, and offered to buy them a round of drinks if they would let me dine at their table.
It was the start of a two year friendship with these young ladies.
After dinner, we were walking out and I decided to try to contact that special someone again. One of the young ladies saw me and asked who I was texting. To me it was a bit too personal for me to share, so I just remarked that I was trying to connect with an old friend. The four of us began chatting, and time sort of slipped away. It had been maybe 20 minutes since I had sent the text message when one of the ladies asked if my friend had replied.
Nope.
[Little did I know back then that this was her modus operandi]
Even though I was very capable of making my own plans, which I always did anyway, the ladies told me of a party they were attending that evening. They asked if I wanted to go too. It sounded like fun so I began negotiating. Since I wasn’t invited by a host, I explained to them that they would have to escort me to the party. They agreed.
We parted ways, I checked into my room and got a shower and changed clothes. I connected with my new friends, went by their place and picked them up. And they escorted me to a college frat party. A few hours into the party one of them asked if I had ever heard from my friend.
Nope.
She suggested I try again. And then assuming I needed coaxing she told me that she couldn’t imagine someone not wanting to hang out with me. So I agreed to try again. But one of the other girls suggested a wager. She was bored with the party and bet me that my friend wouldn’t reply. I still firmly believed in my friend back then so I took the bet.
And that was when the four of us played our first game of “Ringy Dingy”
[Again, she didn’t reply]
Over the next two years I went to San Marcos once or twice a month. Each time I would try to let my special friend know I was coming. But since it had become obvious that she would never reply, I would also contact my three young coeds.
They were ALWAYS happy to hear I was coming. We would get together and go dancing, or out to eat, or attend a game, or go to a party, or just hang out at a local bar.
And EVERY time we would play “Ringy Dingy”. The game actually became a big event over the years. Where ever we were, I would announce that I was about to call or text my friend again. These three ladies would gather up everyone they could, sometimes up to 20 strangers. And everyone would place bets on whether my special friend would ignore me or not.
To be fair, this friend would communicate with me on occasion. She would simply never reply when I was on my way or in her town. And just so you know that I am not a total jerk, I never gave anyone her name. I meant it was a small college town and someone probably knew her. We were just playing a stupid game and no one needed to know the identity of my friend.
Actually, one night we had a close call. On that occasion a few days before I went to San Marcos I did get a reply from my friend. Her response was she was so busy, and she had to study non-stop all weekend long. During that weekend, while I was with my three friends (who now had become my close friends) I looked up and saw my special friend coming into the bar. I guess she was taking a break from studying.
I felt it would be in poor taste to disclose to my friend that I was there, especially since she was hanging all over the guys she was with. So I remained distant and quiet. But then to my amazement, one of my three new friends saw her . . . . and knew her. I panicked momentarily, but then realized that my new friends had no idea that the girl they knew was my friend too.
And that was when the stories began. Apparently my special friend was . . . hmmm . . . how do I say this . . . ummm . . . let’s say she was well known.
[Honest to god, that didn't bother me one bit. I SERIOUSLY cared about this woman . . . . who she is today. I just didn't like people saying bad things about someone so special to me!]
I actually didn’t want to hear the stories, but it took me a few minutes to fake an illness just so I could get away from hearing more. And they had already rattled off some less than modest stories. I did leave shortly after the stories began. But since they had pointed her out to me, and since she did have a big reputation, more stories came up over the years.
Urgh!
This May my three coeds became Alumni and left San Marcos to begin their adult life. I still stay in touch with them, and I heard from one yesterday. Her first question was to ask me if I wanted to play “Ringy Dingy”. We laughed and I went on with my day.
But then I decided to play on my own. So I sent a text message around 1 pm. At 4 pm I sent the same message again. I never got a reply. Later in the evening I was actually trying to delete the message from my phone (while very drunk) and somehow sent it again. To my surprise I got a reply! It was one word. My feelings were a combination of shock that she replied, and a bit of anger that she only had time for one word. So I replied with one word as well.
“WOW!”
I got a question mark back as a reply.
Anyway, I am trying to decide if I lost my bet with myself or not. I mean she didn’t reply to my two intentional messages, which means I win. She did reply to an accidental message though. So did I lose?
So, the next time any of us hang out . . . . let’s play “Ringy Dingy” ok?
Friday, August 24, 2012
My Journal #274 - Quotes
Happy Friday!
And it’s especially happy for me because I am taking off a few days next week. I’ve been dealing with a ton of disappointment in the past two months, so I am travelling to an area just south of Mexico City to have a chat with a departed friend at his resting place. You see, a few years ago he warned me about someone; and the pain I feel today is because I didn’t heed his advice.
So off I go for a day or two. But now it is time for my Friday shout outs!
Banana Rama – So you’re telling me that NONE of your friends have nice boobies???
Martel – You are my anchor (Shhh, our secret). Hey I never asked you . . . . Any samples?
HMPOA – Thanks for coming back into my life. Sorry we missed the hookup today, but we will get together soon!!!
Sasha Lucille – I had a good time . . . so let’s do it again! It got my mind off of “things” for a moment.
Quote #1
“Even though we are deceived, still believe. Though we are betrayed, still forgive. Love completely even those who hate you.”
Sun Myung Moon
Yup, I hit on the topic of deceit and betrayal again. You see, one of the things I try to do on a regular basis is to give the female sex a glimpse of the world through the male’s eyes. By doing this I hope to arm you with enough information to understand us males and perhaps make your life considerably more enjoyable.“Even though we are deceived, still believe. Though we are betrayed, still forgive. Love completely even those who hate you.”
Sun Myung Moon
Today I want to actually give advice to both the males and females as it suits both sexes. So consider this Global Data Exchange.
For those of you who know me personally, you know that I have had a rather interesting life. The most interesting part was when I developed some severe morals regarding truth. In my job back then, I had to assume that everyone was lying to me. I couldn’t trust anyone. And that is a hard thing to do. Most people have a natural instinct to trust. But I had to re-learn and remind myself constantly not to trust people.
So my Global Data Exchange advice is if you have a friend or care about someone, be honest with them. I know that sometimes it could be difficult, especially if they are keeping some things hidden from you. But trust me when I say that EVERYONE prefers the truth, even if it is bad news. Don’t you?
Whatever the truth is, share it with those you care about. If you think that they talk funny, tell them. If you think they are rude to old people, tell them. Anything at all . . . tell them. Give them a chance to know the truth and then you can watch how they change or adapt to the truth. You can learn a lot about someone’s character by observing how they deal with the truth.
And especially tell the truth about feelings. If you like someone but know that they are not a person with which you would ever have a relationship, tell them IMMEDIATELY so they don’t waste their time. Yes, if they know that there is no future they will move on to someone with which they could have a future. And definitely if they ask you . . . BE HONEST!
Folks, this applies to secrets as well. Ok, we all have some secrets hidden in the closet. But if you have a secret that would affect a friend . . . have enough respect to tell them. Yes, it is an issue of respect. If you don’t respect them enough to share the truth and the secrets, then you don’t respect them enough to care or be a friend. And then you should tell them that!
Your friend will eventually find out the truth, and that you held it. You will eventually end up sitting alone, drinking alone, and crying alone wondering why you have no friends. You will consider everyone else wrong, and have trouble finding simple pleasures.
So I am a trust freak. I have left so many people that I once trusted simply because they broke that trust. And I am not hard to confide in. I am non-judgmental and very understanding, so there is no reason to deceive me. This is one of the reasons I am visiting my departed friend. I was told years ago that I would be deceived, lied to and used. I fought with my friend to defend another trusted person. My friend turned out to be right; so I owe him to let him know this in person.
Quote #2
“People sleep well at night because really tough guys do really mean things to really evil people.”
A unit CO paraphrasing Winston Churchill
Those of you who know me are aware I was never a soldier. I was however recruited, broken down, trained and used in a similar fashion as a soldier. In that role, I also had many similar physical and mental challenges as a soldier would have. I had moments of glory and moment of horror. I was shot at, attacked, fought, captured, tortured and spent many nights in cover or hiding in plain sight.“People sleep well at night because really tough guys do really mean things to really evil people.”
A unit CO paraphrasing Winston Churchill
I doubted god and country at times. I doubted myself at times too. I constantly wonder how I lived while others, better men, died. I question my sanity. To this day I do not know for sure if the things I did were good or just plain evil. I did have orders, but I also had to take liberties in my tasks. But what keeps me semi-sane is believing that the tough guys referred to in Quote #2 include me.
Most of you weren’t alive when I was on task. Most of you have no idea of the trouble that existed in the places I visited. Most of you have no idea what I went through, or how good I was at my tasks. I pride myself with the thought that you never needed to know. I try to believe that because I went there, and did what I did, you sleep well at night never knowing a threat existed; and trusting that no threat can exist now.
The “why” and “how” part is not important anymore.
But the fact that no one knows also makes me doubt myself. I came home from my final task under the cover of darkness in a single prop plane. I was dropped off alone in Wyoming (Another strange twist in my life which I will discuss at a later date). I had a bus ticket and walking directions to a bus stop. This was my “Thank you” for risking my life again and again. I had just spent 2 days lying motionless covered in snow and what I believe was “Moose poop” just so the bad guys couldn’t find me before I completed my task. Yet there was no band playing, no flags waving, no moms and wives waving and blowing kisses, no hugs and no fan fare. I didn’t get a cheer, a thank you, or even a hand shake.
Well, if it’s ok with you I am going to go on believing I was one of those really tough guys that protected you while you slept; and was a silent hero. You see, if I don’t then I was simply one of the evil people that got away. And the tough guys may be looking for me now.
[This may also explain why I’m being tortured today]
Quote #3
“Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder”
(Heck if I know who started this crap?)
I am a spiritual guy today. I believe that there is a Supreme Being and I do chat with him regularly (Yup, my Supreme Being is a male). I also believe that life gives you many signs to help you on your path. You have to see them, and you have to interpret them. But I do believe that they are there. And I believe that I can go on Vision Quests and get messages from family members that have left this life. You may consider me to be an odd bird, but I suggest that if you had lived my life then perhaps you would be a bit odd as well.“Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder”
(Heck if I know who started this crap?)
Anyway, on the 4th of July (which as we all know is in the middle of my 10 days of hell anniversary) someone in my life changed. This person telegraphs their life, meaning that when something in their life happens they act exactly the same as the last time the same thing happened. So as this change occurred I was pretty sure what it meant this time.
At three previous times since we met, this person behaved exactly the same as they did on the 4th. And on each of those previous times I later discovered that a new “relationship” had formed and this was simply the person’s way of letting me know. Yup, in a blink she finds someone else, bonds with them, and decides I am useless for the time being. She won’t tell me because in her world that isn’t required.
[Shitty . . . right?]
What makes this part even weirder is that the person that stood me up on the 4th ended up telling me later that they could not do relationships with anyone. As I soaked up that comment I paused to wonder and became perplexed. You see, since I first met this person they had been in a series of relationships. Yet she is telling me she can’t do relationships, and is using that as an excuse for ending all communication with me.
Sorry, I digressed . . .
So in my prayers, and with the signs I was seeing, I felt that I was supposed to let this person alone for a while. Basically it was like . . . . oh, what is that darn phrase . . . . Oh, I remember . . . If you love something set it free. If it doesn’t return it was never yours to have. (Or something like that). Anyway, that was what I believe I was to do.
A month later I was told that I would never get what I wanted from this person. Since that conversation I have had zero communication from this person. Well, to be totally honest she did text the word “Yep” to two of my 27 text messages.
So I’m not sure what the spirits or stars were talking about. But maybe someday I will realize that they were guiding me away from a life of pain, distrust, heartache and anguish. That what my true friends have been saying for a year now. And what my departed friend told me before his passing. And now I am trying to follow their advice.
My ONLY regret is that for the first time in my life I didn’t take a swing for the fence. I wonder today what difference it would have made if on that 4th of July had I jumped in my car and gone to that person and expressed how fucked up it is to agree on something, and then to cancel it a couple of hours prior. Well, of course it would have been different so I guess I mean would things have turned out better for me.
But I followed that damned ABSTINENCE advice and for the first time took the pitch and didn’t swing. FUCK!
[Hey, there isn’t a “re-wind” button in life is there?]
Oh well, have a great weekend. I’m watching football with my “buddy with boobs” Saturday. One of my ex-team participants will be flying me out of the country Sunday night. I should be back on Tuesday. And I have been invited (AGAIN) to visit my SA friend. She is so anxious to see me that she has volunteered a second female to peak my interest.
Honestly, I’ve been around enough to know a few things about groups. I’ve had multiple women at once before, but it just isn’t as good for me. I mean females have three entry points available to males, so a female can have sex with multiple men at one time. But males only have one item to manipulate. So having two females is a waste in my opinion. But I’ll probably go anyway.
Oops, I digressed again . . .
I will think about each of you a thousand times this weekend.
And if I don’t come back, well “Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder”, right?
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
My Journal #273 - Mistakes are ok
I'm still not quite myself. I've had a rough couple of months. But something happened that needs to be discussed. So here goes . . .
This past week a political candidate made a galactically ignorant comment, no question about it. The comment was about something that is considered horrible by any standard. The man had given many interviews on that fateful day and was probably mentally exhausted. Once he realized how badly he had screwed up his word choice he immediately offered apology after apology.
He made a mistake. He admitted his mistake. Yet now the world wants this guy not to run for his office. Furthermore the world wants to tar and feather him.
Huh?
When did we as INDIVIDUALS in a great country get so damned arrogant that we can’t understand or accept common mistakes?
Which of you haven’t made a stupid comment or done something completely ridiculous at one time or another?
Let me explain something to all of you. When people screw up they usually learn a valuable lesson. I put my hand on a glowing red stove once, and that was stupid. But I learned never to put my hand on a burner again. So making mistakes is part of life, as is learning from those mistakes. And forgiveness is a virtue.
Being a good leader is a trait with which some people are born. Yet the same characteristics which lead to this trait also tend to lead to a person being a risk taker, decisive, and a little bit cocky. These types of people don’t worry about security or safety nets. They see a challenge and they do something. And yes, sometimes they make mistakes.
But do you REALLY want someone leading you who has never made a mistake?
I promise you, if you show me a person that hasn’t made a dozen whopper mistakes in their life; then I will show you a person that hasn’t done shit in their life. They’ve never taken a stand, or stood by a friend, or argued an issue in public. They’ve never stood up and said, “Dammit, if no one else will do it then I freakin’ will!!!”
In this particular case, people who favor the same party that this man represents are demanding he step down from the race. They would rather have someone who is opposed to all their views, and who would probably make them much worse off in time have the seat instead of the man who fucked up his word choice one time.
WTF????
Folks, there is a game called LIFE going on right now; and most of you are missing it. Let’s try to keep our eyes on the ball for the remainder.
This past week a political candidate made a galactically ignorant comment, no question about it. The comment was about something that is considered horrible by any standard. The man had given many interviews on that fateful day and was probably mentally exhausted. Once he realized how badly he had screwed up his word choice he immediately offered apology after apology.
He made a mistake. He admitted his mistake. Yet now the world wants this guy not to run for his office. Furthermore the world wants to tar and feather him.
Huh?
When did we as INDIVIDUALS in a great country get so damned arrogant that we can’t understand or accept common mistakes?
Which of you haven’t made a stupid comment or done something completely ridiculous at one time or another?
Let me explain something to all of you. When people screw up they usually learn a valuable lesson. I put my hand on a glowing red stove once, and that was stupid. But I learned never to put my hand on a burner again. So making mistakes is part of life, as is learning from those mistakes. And forgiveness is a virtue.
Being a good leader is a trait with which some people are born. Yet the same characteristics which lead to this trait also tend to lead to a person being a risk taker, decisive, and a little bit cocky. These types of people don’t worry about security or safety nets. They see a challenge and they do something. And yes, sometimes they make mistakes.
But do you REALLY want someone leading you who has never made a mistake?
I promise you, if you show me a person that hasn’t made a dozen whopper mistakes in their life; then I will show you a person that hasn’t done shit in their life. They’ve never taken a stand, or stood by a friend, or argued an issue in public. They’ve never stood up and said, “Dammit, if no one else will do it then I freakin’ will!!!”
In this particular case, people who favor the same party that this man represents are demanding he step down from the race. They would rather have someone who is opposed to all their views, and who would probably make them much worse off in time have the seat instead of the man who fucked up his word choice one time.
WTF????
Folks, there is a game called LIFE going on right now; and most of you are missing it. Let’s try to keep our eyes on the ball for the remainder.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
My Journal #272 - Just along for the ride?
I once wrote about the purpose of life. If you read that journal, you will know that I firmly believe that everyone has a purpose for being here. Some have multiple purposes, but everyone has at least a purpose. Just knowing that we all have a purpose keeps us moving forward. We get out of bed every morning and go about our life never knowing the exact moment our purpose will be achieved; but we face the day with vigor and hope just in case.
What makes it complicated is that some may never know when they have achieved their specific purpose. It could be that you unconsciously touched someone once, and you never knew you did. That contact may have changed the person’s life, and you would never know.
In my opinion, many of us have already achieved our purpose and now are just “finishing the ride”. To me that is no way to be. For me to realize that my purpose, whatever it is or was, is completed and that now I have no further purpose would be death. I couldn’t survive knowing that there was nothing left for me to contribute.
Armed with that understanding, I need to share some more.
Some of you read about my past life, and a certain period that drove me to the brink. I have never been one to give up, but at one point in my life I desperately wanted my life to end. I was in more pain than I can put into words. It was a combination of physical pain, emotional pain, mental pain, and internalized pain. I tried to let myself die just to end the pain.
And in that moment something unbelievable happened. At my lowest point, when I was ready to quit, a voice spoke to me. It wasn’t a long speech or anything motivational. It was a matter of a few words. They were clear and succinct. And these words changed my life.
I’ve been through therapy and told this story. It has been explained to me that voices from the “other side” do not come to sane people. I am told that more than likely I was delirious from my torture and my imagination created these words as a self-survival method. I am told that to be sane I need to believe that these words didn’t just come to me.
Sane or insane, logical or illogical, I believe that someone or something reached out to be from beyond and told me to live because I had a future purpose. So for more than 20 years I waited for this person, and I waited to fulfill my purpose.
I knew that someday I would meet the person behind the voice. I always imagined they would be an old man from another country or maybe a bag lady from Chicago. I never imagined what actually happened. I did meet the person behind the voice. But she wasn’t needy, or old. She was young and vibrant. She was beautiful and outgoing.
And she made me go WOW.
I got close to her, because I wanted to be there when she needed me; but more important than the purpose is that I was drawn to her. She woke me up inside. I felt like I had been blind my whole life and she gave me sight for the first time. She made me feel things that I never knew existed. She made me happy, and I had not experienced happiness in years.
But in a cruel twist of fate, I was recently told that I was not needed. I had felt this coming for a while, but I felt that maybe what this person needed was someone who wouldn’t give up on them. They try to push people away, and others have always given up. Maybe my purpose was to be the only one to stand by them, no matter what.
Maybe all those years of nightmares, flashbacks, lack of sleep, memory loss and constantly living with the faces of the dead I’ve met were actually building my resistance. It was preparing me for the torture this person would bring to my door. It was to create in me a spirit that won’t quit on them.
I was beginning to think that all my pain was forced on me so that I could withstand the rudeness, the lack of attention, and the deceptions. I wasn’t there just for my purpose, I was there for them . . and for me.
And they walked away. And they never looked back.
Tonight I wonder if my purpose has already been served. Perhaps I was spared on that fateful day so I could torment for years waiting from something great, only to find out that the waiting is my punishment. Anticipation for many years just to have it vanish right when it is within my grasp.
Perhaps this person coming into my life is instead how I am to be tortured for all the horrible things I did. I thought I was being a patriot and a hero, but maybe I was just an idiot. Maybe the things I did were wrong; and waiting for this person, and feeling something for this person that I never knew existed, and then having it yanked away is the real message from beyond.
So now what?
Do you really think I can just enjoy the rest of my ride?
What makes it complicated is that some may never know when they have achieved their specific purpose. It could be that you unconsciously touched someone once, and you never knew you did. That contact may have changed the person’s life, and you would never know.
In my opinion, many of us have already achieved our purpose and now are just “finishing the ride”. To me that is no way to be. For me to realize that my purpose, whatever it is or was, is completed and that now I have no further purpose would be death. I couldn’t survive knowing that there was nothing left for me to contribute.
Armed with that understanding, I need to share some more.
Some of you read about my past life, and a certain period that drove me to the brink. I have never been one to give up, but at one point in my life I desperately wanted my life to end. I was in more pain than I can put into words. It was a combination of physical pain, emotional pain, mental pain, and internalized pain. I tried to let myself die just to end the pain.
And in that moment something unbelievable happened. At my lowest point, when I was ready to quit, a voice spoke to me. It wasn’t a long speech or anything motivational. It was a matter of a few words. They were clear and succinct. And these words changed my life.
“Live! Get up, you must live! I will need you!”
I’ve been through therapy and told this story. It has been explained to me that voices from the “other side” do not come to sane people. I am told that more than likely I was delirious from my torture and my imagination created these words as a self-survival method. I am told that to be sane I need to believe that these words didn’t just come to me.
Sane or insane, logical or illogical, I believe that someone or something reached out to be from beyond and told me to live because I had a future purpose. So for more than 20 years I waited for this person, and I waited to fulfill my purpose.
I knew that someday I would meet the person behind the voice. I always imagined they would be an old man from another country or maybe a bag lady from Chicago. I never imagined what actually happened. I did meet the person behind the voice. But she wasn’t needy, or old. She was young and vibrant. She was beautiful and outgoing.
And she made me go WOW.
I got close to her, because I wanted to be there when she needed me; but more important than the purpose is that I was drawn to her. She woke me up inside. I felt like I had been blind my whole life and she gave me sight for the first time. She made me feel things that I never knew existed. She made me happy, and I had not experienced happiness in years.
But in a cruel twist of fate, I was recently told that I was not needed. I had felt this coming for a while, but I felt that maybe what this person needed was someone who wouldn’t give up on them. They try to push people away, and others have always given up. Maybe my purpose was to be the only one to stand by them, no matter what.
Maybe all those years of nightmares, flashbacks, lack of sleep, memory loss and constantly living with the faces of the dead I’ve met were actually building my resistance. It was preparing me for the torture this person would bring to my door. It was to create in me a spirit that won’t quit on them.
I was beginning to think that all my pain was forced on me so that I could withstand the rudeness, the lack of attention, and the deceptions. I wasn’t there just for my purpose, I was there for them . . and for me.
And they walked away. And they never looked back.
Tonight I wonder if my purpose has already been served. Perhaps I was spared on that fateful day so I could torment for years waiting from something great, only to find out that the waiting is my punishment. Anticipation for many years just to have it vanish right when it is within my grasp.
Perhaps this person coming into my life is instead how I am to be tortured for all the horrible things I did. I thought I was being a patriot and a hero, but maybe I was just an idiot. Maybe the things I did were wrong; and waiting for this person, and feeling something for this person that I never knew existed, and then having it yanked away is the real message from beyond.
So now what?
Do you really think I can just enjoy the rest of my ride?
Friday, August 17, 2012
My Journal #271 - A story from my kid
I was watching football Friday night when my oldest son joined me. He told me a story that moved me. I want to share this story with you.
My kid got hooked on drugs and gambling. He went to a banger room to gamble. He was an educated kid with a college degree, so the gangs loaned him money. They loaned him $20,000. When he lost their money they made him move drugs to pay them back. My kid got addicted to these drugs.
After his third arrest I left him in jail. The gang took his truck as payment on that loan.
I was never trained to fight. I was trained for other goals. But I just had this core belief from my parents that I was unbeatable. And I had this belief in right and wrong. So I went and took the truck back. In the process of retrieving this truck, I was approached by four gang members.
Once the dust cleared, the DA asked me not to beat up any more gang
members.
Last night my kid and I were watching football. He told me that while he was in jail he was cornered by three bangers. He had no chance, so he told them in fear that if they touched him his “old man” would look for them, find them, and kill them.
He gave them my name. One of the bangers was a member of the gang that crossed my path. He pulled the other two away. At that moment my kid realized what I was, and how I had his back no matter where he was. He told me that before that moment I was just a goofy guy that talked about crap that he didn’t understand.
But in that moment he learned that his old man, even though he didn’t act like a killer, may be the meanest SOB in the world. He told me he had heard stories about my past and he believed I was just a fictional character. But in that moment in jail he realized that he had someone on his side. And that someone that loved him as a son was the same guy that the worst gang in the area feared.
I’m no one. I’m just a guy that never learned how to fail. I tell you my kid’s story so you will know that you too have me on your side . . . . . for what it’s worth.
My kid got hooked on drugs and gambling. He went to a banger room to gamble. He was an educated kid with a college degree, so the gangs loaned him money. They loaned him $20,000. When he lost their money they made him move drugs to pay them back. My kid got addicted to these drugs.
After his third arrest I left him in jail. The gang took his truck as payment on that loan.
I was never trained to fight. I was trained for other goals. But I just had this core belief from my parents that I was unbeatable. And I had this belief in right and wrong. So I went and took the truck back. In the process of retrieving this truck, I was approached by four gang members.
Once the dust cleared, the DA asked me not to beat up any more gang
members.
Last night my kid and I were watching football. He told me that while he was in jail he was cornered by three bangers. He had no chance, so he told them in fear that if they touched him his “old man” would look for them, find them, and kill them.
He gave them my name. One of the bangers was a member of the gang that crossed my path. He pulled the other two away. At that moment my kid realized what I was, and how I had his back no matter where he was. He told me that before that moment I was just a goofy guy that talked about crap that he didn’t understand.
But in that moment he learned that his old man, even though he didn’t act like a killer, may be the meanest SOB in the world. He told me he had heard stories about my past and he believed I was just a fictional character. But in that moment in jail he realized that he had someone on his side. And that someone that loved him as a son was the same guy that the worst gang in the area feared.
I’m no one. I’m just a guy that never learned how to fail. I tell you my kid’s story so you will know that you too have me on your side . . . . . for what it’s worth.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
My Journal #270 - A song that touched me
Happy Friday!
As usual, my shout out to my friends . . . .
Martel – Going to be at the game Saturday? I may have tickets if you are.
Banana Rama – Hey, whatever happened to that friend you were going to introduce to me?
Sasha Lucille – Sweetie, men are pigs (well, except for me) That guy needs to go, sorry.
HMPOA – You are still my favorite grandma!
Ok, I agree that last weekend was strange. What I was attempting was in poor taste and just wrong to do. But sometimes everyone needs to break loose a bit. I’ve spent over two years now focused on one thing and one thing only. And it turned out to be the longest and biggest mistake of my life. Now that the focus is shifting I needed to jump. Entiendes?
This weekend will be different. I did ask someone to introduce me to their friends, but they wouldn’t. I then asked out a fan favorite, but was rejected. So I called the friend from last weekend and invited her over for dinner and drinks Friday evening. Of course Saturday is dedicated to the first Houston Texans home game of the year.
You may be thinking to yourself, “and what else?” Trust me, when the Texans play it is an all day affair. From getting up early to cook, then organizing my alcohol, to tailgating before the game, then watching the actual game and finishing up with tailgating after the game; well it’s an adventure. So when I say Saturday is dedicated to the Texans, I mean all day and evening.
And since Saturday is an all day event, then Sunday is a work day. This includes landscaping, repairs, laundry, ironing, etc. It’s also my de-tox day, if you know what I mean.
Now for the odd and unusual news. I’ve mentioned to you before that there is this guy that did my evaluations for the past couple of years. Well he quit his job and hung up his own shingle. We talk frequently, but not like a business deal. I think we are actually becoming friends.
Anyway, he knows about all of you. He doesn’t know your names as I always use you pen names, but he knows how we interact and what you mean to me. So he keeps insisting that I share with you what happened when I was 12 years old. He claims that what happened back then was the catalyst for everything that happened to me since then.
Hmmmm?
I took his advice once before and shared my biggest nightmare with some of you. I have no idea how it affected you, but it really didn’t do much for me. For that reason I have been hesitant to share any more of my past. It’s not like what happened as a kid is a nightmare or anything, it’s just bad times.
So I decided that if you ask me, I will tell you privately. I will not do it via email or other written documents. But if you want to know, buy me a beer and just listen. That’s the best offer I will make.
It’s not that interesting a story anyway.
Ok, I heard a song recently that just blew me away. So as a treat I will add the words here. If you care, go listen to the song. It probably won’t do shit for you, but if you think about me and know me you might see how it fits.
[Yup, even you Sunshine]
Have a great weekend and think about me a dozen times!
As usual, my shout out to my friends . . . .
Martel – Going to be at the game Saturday? I may have tickets if you are.
Banana Rama – Hey, whatever happened to that friend you were going to introduce to me?
Sasha Lucille – Sweetie, men are pigs (well, except for me) That guy needs to go, sorry.
HMPOA – You are still my favorite grandma!
Ok, I agree that last weekend was strange. What I was attempting was in poor taste and just wrong to do. But sometimes everyone needs to break loose a bit. I’ve spent over two years now focused on one thing and one thing only. And it turned out to be the longest and biggest mistake of my life. Now that the focus is shifting I needed to jump. Entiendes?
This weekend will be different. I did ask someone to introduce me to their friends, but they wouldn’t. I then asked out a fan favorite, but was rejected. So I called the friend from last weekend and invited her over for dinner and drinks Friday evening. Of course Saturday is dedicated to the first Houston Texans home game of the year.
You may be thinking to yourself, “and what else?” Trust me, when the Texans play it is an all day affair. From getting up early to cook, then organizing my alcohol, to tailgating before the game, then watching the actual game and finishing up with tailgating after the game; well it’s an adventure. So when I say Saturday is dedicated to the Texans, I mean all day and evening.
And since Saturday is an all day event, then Sunday is a work day. This includes landscaping, repairs, laundry, ironing, etc. It’s also my de-tox day, if you know what I mean.
Now for the odd and unusual news. I’ve mentioned to you before that there is this guy that did my evaluations for the past couple of years. Well he quit his job and hung up his own shingle. We talk frequently, but not like a business deal. I think we are actually becoming friends.
Anyway, he knows about all of you. He doesn’t know your names as I always use you pen names, but he knows how we interact and what you mean to me. So he keeps insisting that I share with you what happened when I was 12 years old. He claims that what happened back then was the catalyst for everything that happened to me since then.
Hmmmm?
I took his advice once before and shared my biggest nightmare with some of you. I have no idea how it affected you, but it really didn’t do much for me. For that reason I have been hesitant to share any more of my past. It’s not like what happened as a kid is a nightmare or anything, it’s just bad times.
So I decided that if you ask me, I will tell you privately. I will not do it via email or other written documents. But if you want to know, buy me a beer and just listen. That’s the best offer I will make.
It’s not that interesting a story anyway.
Ok, I heard a song recently that just blew me away. So as a treat I will add the words here. If you care, go listen to the song. It probably won’t do shit for you, but if you think about me and know me you might see how it fits.
[Yup, even you Sunshine]
Have a great weekend and think about me a dozen times!
Somebody That I Used To Know"
[Goyte:]
Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
[Kimbra:]
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know
[Gotye:]
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
My Journal #269 - Caring 101
If you don’t care for someone; then it shows.
If it shows, then they will notice.
If they notice, then they will wonder.
If they wonder, then they will lose trust.
If they lose trust, then they will avoid you.
If they avoid you, then they will stop thinking about you.
If they stop thinking about you, then they will stop caring about you.
If it shows, then they will notice.
If they notice, then they will wonder.
If they wonder, then they will lose trust.
If they lose trust, then they will avoid you.
If they avoid you, then they will stop thinking about you.
If they stop thinking about you, then they will stop caring about you.
AND when they stop caring about you, THEN you will start caring about them.
But it's too late . . .
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
My Journal #268 - Another park story - Respect.
I’ve shared a few stories about things that go on at this park where I spend my lunch time and where I go after work to run. I witnessed another amazing event yesterday that reflects on peoples respect for themselves and others, so I will share.
I had just finished my run. I got to my vehicle to towel off and drink some water. There had been a woman walking near the parking area pushing a stroller. She didn’t look to be homeless, but she looked as if she hadn’t much money.
A man had been sitting in a truck parked at the other end of the lot. He had been running his engine (for the A/C I assume) while talking on his phone. As I was taking a drink he lowered his window and whistled. My first thought was how degrading to be whistling at a mom and her kid. But the mom looked up and turned the stroller towards him.
The man in the truck slid over to the passenger side, lowered that window as the mom got closer, and a conversation ensued. I was now sitting in the seat of my car, legs still outside, cooling down and relaxing before my long drive to the house.
That was when the man opened his truck door, reached in his pocket and pulled out a few wadded up bills, and some pocket change.
Another brief conversation ensued, and then the woman took the cash and coin (my guess about $10 at the most). She was wearing one of those tank top t-shirt dresses, sort of like a sundress. Anyway, she kicked her shoes off and reached up under her dress. The next thing I see is her pitching her panties into the stroller.
That was weird to witness in public, but there is more.
The man begins arranging on the seat of the truck. The woman reaches into the stroller and picks up the baby. Immediately another conversation ensues, but the woman eventually climbs into the truck, hikes her dress up, and sits in his lap while holding the baby. Then she proceeds to bounce up and down in his lap while closing the door.
She is having sex while holding her baby.
I want to leave, but this is so bizarre I can’t. After a few moments the man reaches up and grabs her head. Apparently he wants to use another opening for his pleasure. Of course the woman is refusing. Apparently it is ok to have vaginal or anal sex while holding your infant, but oral sex is out of the question.
The woman proceeds to bounce more frequently and apparently that does the trick as the man collapses his head back onto his seat. The woman opens the truck door, returns her baby to the stroller, retrieves her panties and places them on in public, slides her shoes back on and then goes back to pushing the stroller.
The man in the truck takes a nap.
I have never understood how women can do this. They basically de-humanize their body by allowing strange men to use them as “plumbing”. I believe that they must have little or no respect for themselves in order to assume this type of a role. And if they have no respect for themselves then they can have no respect for anyone else.
You have to respect and love yourself before you can respect and love others.
So, that was my experience yesterday.
Hey . . a whore is a whore, right? Even if she is a single mom.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
My Journal #267 - A quote to ponder
“One comes to believe whatever one repeats to oneself sufficiently often, whether the statement be true of false. It comes to be dominating thought in one's mind.” – Robert Collier.
We all know someone like this. We know a person that repeats the same babble over and over, until they firmly believe it . . . while trying to make you believe it. These people are hard to see coming, but once they are spotted they tend to vanish quickly and often.
You see, when someone lies and gets caught they have to move on so they can perpetrate the lie again elsewhere for others to hear. Their whole life becomes the lies. They can’t tell the truth anymore because it contradicts the lie. It becomes a never ending ruse.
These people would be your false friends. When life is grand and the sun is shining on your face, they show up wanting to bask in your glow. But once the clouds arrive they vanish, searching for someone else in the sun.
So my advice to you today . . . . BE HONEST.
Everyone deserves it. Everyone needs it. And when you find someone that always has secrets and chastises you when you put two and two together, then you should realize that there is a reason for all the deceptions.
The sun always shines on me. But I’ll walk into the darkness with you . . . allways!
Saturday, August 11, 2012
My Journal #266 - We had each other . .
I still haven’t heard from the friend that may be having a rough time. Two weeks ago that would have killed me. One of my biggest fears is to know that someone I care about is in trouble or hurting, and I can’t get to them to help. But now, I’m just moving on with my weekend. I can’t make someone accept my help.
But guess what? It reminded me of a story.
My senior year in High School we played a monumental game. My school was from one of the three big cities, but my particular school was way out in the country. My team was a group of guys that were raised on farms and ranches. We were lean and quick, but our strength came from the fact that we were close.
We had been together for many years. We had bled, sweated, and fought together on the field. We had been there for each other off the field too; through family deaths, breakups, fights, parties, and even work.
That year we made the State Playoffs. Our second game in the playoffs was with a monster team from Dallas. Our biggest guy was about 250 pounds, yet they had dozens of guys heavier than him. I was our fastest guy and they had a bunch that could blow past me. We had 37 guys on our team and most of us played both sides of the line. They had over 80 on their team and “platooned” their players to stay fresh.
That team had only had three touchdowns scored on them that year. They averaged scoring about 40 points a game. Needless to say, a small school of "cowboys" was considered no match for this dynasty. We were 24 point underdogs going in to the game.
But we had each other.
We did lose that game (sorry, I know winning would have been a better story). They kicked a field goal with no time left on the clock to beat us 30 to 28. Yup, we had scored 4 times on the team that couldn’t be scored upon. Not too bad for a bunch of skinny “kikkers” as we were called back then.
The point is that even though we lost, we did more as a group than we could have as individuals. We did more together than anyone other team could have done. Man for man, one on one, we would have been killed. But we did better than expected because we had each other.
So anyone that wants to “wing it” alone through life, so be it. I’ll quit worrying.
I did have my third date today. It was with the dating site girl for a day at my pool. She reminded me of someone, and that sort of freaked me out when I met her. I hadn’t notice in her pictures how much she resembled someone else. I wonder if I picked her with subconscious thoughts of that person.
But I had a good time.
Use your imagination for the rest because I won’t tell.
But guess what? It reminded me of a story.
My senior year in High School we played a monumental game. My school was from one of the three big cities, but my particular school was way out in the country. My team was a group of guys that were raised on farms and ranches. We were lean and quick, but our strength came from the fact that we were close.
We had been together for many years. We had bled, sweated, and fought together on the field. We had been there for each other off the field too; through family deaths, breakups, fights, parties, and even work.
That year we made the State Playoffs. Our second game in the playoffs was with a monster team from Dallas. Our biggest guy was about 250 pounds, yet they had dozens of guys heavier than him. I was our fastest guy and they had a bunch that could blow past me. We had 37 guys on our team and most of us played both sides of the line. They had over 80 on their team and “platooned” their players to stay fresh.
That team had only had three touchdowns scored on them that year. They averaged scoring about 40 points a game. Needless to say, a small school of "cowboys" was considered no match for this dynasty. We were 24 point underdogs going in to the game.
But we had each other.
We did lose that game (sorry, I know winning would have been a better story). They kicked a field goal with no time left on the clock to beat us 30 to 28. Yup, we had scored 4 times on the team that couldn’t be scored upon. Not too bad for a bunch of skinny “kikkers” as we were called back then.
The point is that even though we lost, we did more as a group than we could have as individuals. We did more together than anyone other team could have done. Man for man, one on one, we would have been killed. But we did better than expected because we had each other.
So anyone that wants to “wing it” alone through life, so be it. I’ll quit worrying.
I did have my third date today. It was with the dating site girl for a day at my pool. She reminded me of someone, and that sort of freaked me out when I met her. I hadn’t notice in her pictures how much she resembled someone else. I wonder if I picked her with subconscious thoughts of that person.
But I had a good time.
Use your imagination for the rest because I won’t tell.
My Journal #265 - Two for Two?
I met a mutual good friend of mine and my ex. We had consumed about three drinks each when the power in the bar went out. We made our way out to our cars, where she told me she had some Jack Daniels at her house. So we went to her house.
Sorry folks, but that is all you get other than the title gives away. I’ve got other problems.
Yes, establishing more women in my life is important. But I have a friend that is in need . . . or so I think. Thursday night a friend sent me a text that worried me. The next day I asked if they were ok. The only reply I’ve gotten since is ‘NOPE”. So I am worried.
This is so weird. This week I’ve lost a girl I had fallen for, I lost my investor because my business partner is a prick, and I found out that I may be losing a family member by the end of the weekend. I’m on a dating spree currently that may be a once in a lifetime accomplishment. But I am wide awake worrying about someone that made me believe they are in trouble and then vanished.
Ok, so how do you tell someone they are not a bad person. I truly believe that they are good, but in an odd coincidence all my friends, and all her friends that were introduced to me claim she really is a bad person.
Urgh!
You know, at one point in my life I was lying on a table beaten and soiled. Some jerk was cutting a hole in my back to inflict pain throughout my body. I had never felt more pain in my life. I had been beaten, shocked, submerged, brutalized, starved and had my pride stripped away. I even tried to kill myself to make the torture end.
But even though everyone tells me my friend is bad, I would go through my week of hell again just to make her happy for 5 minutes.
I am one screwed up dude.
Good night friends . . . . more to come.
Sorry folks, but that is all you get other than the title gives away. I’ve got other problems.
Yes, establishing more women in my life is important. But I have a friend that is in need . . . or so I think. Thursday night a friend sent me a text that worried me. The next day I asked if they were ok. The only reply I’ve gotten since is ‘NOPE”. So I am worried.
This is so weird. This week I’ve lost a girl I had fallen for, I lost my investor because my business partner is a prick, and I found out that I may be losing a family member by the end of the weekend. I’m on a dating spree currently that may be a once in a lifetime accomplishment. But I am wide awake worrying about someone that made me believe they are in trouble and then vanished.
Ok, so how do you tell someone they are not a bad person. I truly believe that they are good, but in an odd coincidence all my friends, and all her friends that were introduced to me claim she really is a bad person.
Urgh!
You know, at one point in my life I was lying on a table beaten and soiled. Some jerk was cutting a hole in my back to inflict pain throughout my body. I had never felt more pain in my life. I had been beaten, shocked, submerged, brutalized, starved and had my pride stripped away. I even tried to kill myself to make the torture end.
But even though everyone tells me my friend is bad, I would go through my week of hell again just to make her happy for 5 minutes.
I am one screwed up dude.
Good night friends . . . . more to come.
Friday, August 10, 2012
My Journal #264 - A Tacky TGIF
Happy Friday, and once again I am in a good mood!
Banana Rama – You gave me a piece of advice once, and now every day I think about it . . . and it helps. Thanks.
Martel – Thanks for the drinks Wednesday night. (Hehehehe)
Sasha Lucille – C’mon! Hang around for a month more and then we’ll talk about “dirty little secrets”!
HMPOA – Hmmmmm?
Sunshine - I think that you had a rough night last night. Yet you contacted me. Maybe it was a mistake, but if it wasn't then maybe you should listen to your heart and trust me enough to talk, or even ask me for help.
From this point forward you may find this journal a wee bit tacky, but this is who I am.
Let me tell you why I’m in a good mood. I got laid last night. And it wasn’t a girlfriend, or a friend, or someone I’ve know for a while or anything like that. I had an urge and my first offer was rejected, so I decided to do it the “old fashioned way”. I went to a bar, identified my target, flirted her up, made my move, and then went back to her place.
Yup, I can still fire up a complete stranger in less than an hour. And I had a text this morning that read, “hope to see you again, no doubt the best nite of my life”.
[I still got it!]
Now . . . . to be completely honest, she may not have been the hottest chick in the bar. But she was clean, nice, and not bad. She was slightly heavy, but I like that. She did have my specific requirements though; she had nice eyes and big boobs. And I would see her again, maybe that is how I have changed.
[What can I say other than I’m a BOOB man]
So this was the first time I slopped my dripper in a little over a month. And it was the first new encounter in over a year. I think that was my longest dry spell. But for the record it was a “self imposed” dry spell. Believe it or not, I was saving myself . . . . just in case . . . oh crap, it’s too confusing a story.
[Damn, that sounds sad!]
Since I had a good night, I’ve decided to go for the “quad-fecta” this weekend. (That’s like a tri-fecta only for four) I’ve already done a “pickup”, tonight I have a date with an old friend and my goal is to change the relationship. Tomorrow I have a girl I met and asked out from the dating site, and I hope to make that date memorable as well. And then finally, I am Going to SA on Sunday for the FWB chick I’ve got there.
That would be four . . . ummm . . . errr . . . hmmm . . . “achievements” let’s say; in four nights; with four different women; representing four different types of arrangements. That would be something I’ve never accomplished before.
But it’s not tacky . . . . I’m just competitive.
Wish me luck, have a great weekend, get yourself some . . . . and think about me once or twice! I do luv ya!
Banana Rama – You gave me a piece of advice once, and now every day I think about it . . . and it helps. Thanks.
Martel – Thanks for the drinks Wednesday night. (Hehehehe)
Sasha Lucille – C’mon! Hang around for a month more and then we’ll talk about “dirty little secrets”!
HMPOA – Hmmmmm?
Sunshine - I think that you had a rough night last night. Yet you contacted me. Maybe it was a mistake, but if it wasn't then maybe you should listen to your heart and trust me enough to talk, or even ask me for help.
From this point forward you may find this journal a wee bit tacky, but this is who I am.
Let me tell you why I’m in a good mood. I got laid last night. And it wasn’t a girlfriend, or a friend, or someone I’ve know for a while or anything like that. I had an urge and my first offer was rejected, so I decided to do it the “old fashioned way”. I went to a bar, identified my target, flirted her up, made my move, and then went back to her place.
Yup, I can still fire up a complete stranger in less than an hour. And I had a text this morning that read, “hope to see you again, no doubt the best nite of my life”.
[I still got it!]
Now . . . . to be completely honest, she may not have been the hottest chick in the bar. But she was clean, nice, and not bad. She was slightly heavy, but I like that. She did have my specific requirements though; she had nice eyes and big boobs. And I would see her again, maybe that is how I have changed.
[What can I say other than I’m a BOOB man]
So this was the first time I slopped my dripper in a little over a month. And it was the first new encounter in over a year. I think that was my longest dry spell. But for the record it was a “self imposed” dry spell. Believe it or not, I was saving myself . . . . just in case . . . oh crap, it’s too confusing a story.
[Damn, that sounds sad!]
Since I had a good night, I’ve decided to go for the “quad-fecta” this weekend. (That’s like a tri-fecta only for four) I’ve already done a “pickup”, tonight I have a date with an old friend and my goal is to change the relationship. Tomorrow I have a girl I met and asked out from the dating site, and I hope to make that date memorable as well. And then finally, I am Going to SA on Sunday for the FWB chick I’ve got there.
That would be four . . . ummm . . . errr . . . hmmm . . . “achievements” let’s say; in four nights; with four different women; representing four different types of arrangements. That would be something I’ve never accomplished before.
But it’s not tacky . . . . I’m just competitive.
Wish me luck, have a great weekend, get yourself some . . . . and think about me once or twice! I do luv ya!
Thursday, August 9, 2012
My Journal #263 - Another Amazing Woman Story
How about another story about an incredible female from my past?
[Shit, I need to post something else quick so my last posting drops down. It's humbling to write what I wrote in that one.]
When I was in college, after my troubled years, I was seeing a girl that was a High School friend. It wasn’t anything serious; we just liked to have fun together. So at the start of one semester, I had just gotten back to SM. It was dusk and I called her number to see if she had made it back yet. But her new roommate answered the phone instead.
She sounded sweet, so I chatted her up a bit. After a while she asked if I wanted to come by because she wanted to meet me. So I did. And she was cute. But she was what was called a “beatnik”. It’s hard to describe, but suffice it to say she was a bit different.
She wasn’t my normal type. She had black hair, no tan, brown eyes, and was thin. But she was cute and funny, so we had a good time. We sort of started hanging out more often, usually at local pubs or my room. And no, it wasn’t a sexual relationship. Ok, we hooked up that first night, but right after we "schleped" she told me she had a boyfriend back at home. So I told her we could be friends but no more nookie.
But then one night we went dancing, disco dancing!
[Quit laughing, that was the rage back then!]
Now back then every disco club had dance contests. You paid $5 as a couple to enter. The winners were guaranteed a $50 prize. But if more couples entered the prize would increase. And being the competitive jerk that I am, and also being fairly good at dancing, I suggested we enter.
She had shared with me that she had been a gymnast in High School, and was a member of the drill team also. But I never imagined how skilled a dancer she really was. I was ok, but with her I was great. And we won.
We both had fun and decided we would do that again. But I wanted more, so I suggested that we set aside time to practice. She agreed. The first thing we did was to pick three songs and choreograph them. We both had the same idea, to be different. I was very strong and she was very light and agile. So we included a lot of spins and throws in our routines.
The next step was to practice. We picked an old elevator in a very old building on campus. We practiced there from 2 am until 4 am three mornings a week. The reason she chose an elevator was because we could stop it between floors for privacy, we could use the sound system in the elevator to play our music, and she figured if we could do all out moves within the confines of an elevator then we would kill it on a big dance floor.
The final step was rehearsal. We would hit clubs and dance. But while we were dancing we would watch other couples and their moves. We were looking for unique and wild things to include in our routine.
We then won EVERY dance contest we entered. Every night for the entire semester we would either practice or compete. I have no idea how much money we won that semester, but it was a bunch.
At the end of the semester, I took her out to the nicest and most romantic restaurant in SM for a fancy dinner. After dinner we took a walk by the river. It was sort of a goodbye date as we were both leaving for the holidays. The mood was romantic and beautiful, so we kissed. It was the most seductive kiss I ever received. But what shook me the most was that she gasped during the kiss. That was so exciting for me.
[Sunshine gasped once when I kissed her too. Ummm. Oops, sorry]
We sort of lost touch after that night. I did see her again a few years later in another city. I was on a date and so was she, so we just smiled at each other. And then we competed against each other in a C&W dance contest!
Of course I won!
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
My Journal #262 - Patterns to Change
Sorry kids, but I need to write one more day about me and get all this crap out of my head once and for all. Then I will get back to being obnoxious and illogical.
[I’m sure you are sooooo thrilled!]
There was a time in my life where having a pattern was dangerous. My training and work were geared around constant change. It was encouraged in my personal life as well. If I enjoyed a certain coffee in the morning, then I should go to different places every morning to get it. And if I ever went to the same place twice, I should take different routes each time.
[Hey, it kept me alive when 9 of the 13 didn’t make it home!]
I wrote recently how I have now found that I am truly a creature of habit today. I get up at the same time seven days a week; I have the same breakfast, and so on. I never imagined myself being this way, yet here I am.
[Boring!]
Ok, for those of you that haven’t read between the lines; I sort of forced Sunshine to tell me if I have wasted the last few years of my life being there for her. She is the one I talked about that told me she would never commit to anyone again. Whether I believe that is BS or not is another issue. The issue for today is how my patterns are changing.
[But I don’t buy her story because she has been in and out of relationships since we met!]
Since she admitted that I had wasted all my time with her, I left work very early yesterday, and I never leave early. Everyone thought I was ill or something. I wasn’t ill; I just needed to be alone for a while. Seriously, for the better part of two years I worked my ass off to impress this chick. I’ve asked the question before yet she refused to answer. I was sort of mad that she didn’t tell me the truth two years ago when I asked.
[Urgh, back to my patterns . . .]
Next, I walked up to my room and turned off the lights. Ok, it was only 4:00 pm and the sun was still up. But for a guy that never sleeps or can’t sit still, I was in my bed from 4:00 pm until 3:45 am. I spent the entire night planning out my weekend. And even though I am sort of anal, I haven’t planned a weekend in years. I always left things vague in case Sunshine was available.
[What a dumb ass I was!]
I did doze off for an hour or so. And when I woke my first thought was the same first thought I have had for years. So I lied there and forced myself to think of other thoughts. I even got out my laptop and browsed the internet just to see different things. That was when I remembered that in my lost mood last night I did some positive things. I actually called a close friend and asked her out for Friday night. And she even said yes!
[Hey, other than Sunshine ALL of my date request are accepted!]
Then I remembered that I had gone to my dating page and actually asked a rather well endowed young lady to spend the day at my pool Saturday and have dinner with me Saturday night. And one more thing, so don’t be judging. I remembered that I called one of my “sure thing” friends and just told her what I wanted. She said yes and to come on down anytime.
[I guess I’m really sort of a go-getter when I quit thinking!]
So my plan is to have drinks with an old friend Friday night, and return to her place. I will then have the dating site chick over Saturday. (Young lady, big boobs, and a bikini!) If that works out she will stay for dinner and whatever; and I will go to SA Sunday. But if we don’t click, then I will make an excuse to leave the dating site chick and head to SA Saturday night for an evening of raucous entertainment.
I have changed my pattern!
I still will have many more rough moments, you see I may have actually been falling in love with that chick. (I can't believe I just wrote that, but I think it is true) But I get over shit quickly and the best way for me to do it is to replace the one thought with numerous thoughts.
[Wow, possibly my first love ever and pick a chick that claims not to believe in love?]
And mainly for me I need to remember that EVERYONE wants a relationship with me, so if she doesn’t . . . . .
It’s her mistake!
And it's her ignorance!
And it's her loss!
And it will suck for her when I do fall in love someday with someone else!
Ok, I'm cool now!
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
My Journal #261 - Love and other Drugs
TUESDAY, AUG 7, 2012 – My Horoscope Hope is something that keeps the darkness at bay - until it ceases to offer any comfort. Sometimes you just have to let a particular door slam shut. Let one chapter of your life close in order to move forward with faith and confidence. Before you lies a new opportunity-filled future. Don't hang on to past issues because of pure sentiment if they are creating too much hurt.
I will hit my 300th journal this year. Can you believe it? Well, if you’ve read some of my past notes then you are aware that I am currently searching for love. I’ve been everything horrible in life that you could imagine, so I probably don’t deserve to be loved. I’ve never even been interested in love before as I just enjoyed random pleasure. But then I realized something was missing in my life, and sometime over the past few years I realized I was ready to love someone; and soon after that day I realized that I needed to be loved.
I just didn’t know who she was yet.
I included my horoscope for today above. I usually read the previous day’s horoscope and gage how accurate it was; and for entertainment purposes. But this one hit close to home and sort of rolls into my topic for today. Today I want to discuss love, from my perspective.
It seems everyone had their own definition of love. How love makes one person feel is different than how it makes someone else feel. Some people believe in love at first sight. Some people believe that true friendship can become love. And I even met a person once that claimed they didn’t believe in love at all.
The shit of it all is that when I finally found someone that interested me visually, mentally, physically and sexually; it turned out to be the chick that claimed not to believe in love.
[Just my fuckin’ luck!]
I’m not 100% sure I believe that this person really doesn’t believe in love. I figure she got her heart broken at some point and this is her defense mechanism. I believe she claims not to believe in love in an attempt to not have to ever express her emotions again. Or it could just be that she doesn’t feel for me like I expressed for her, and she is trying to protect my feelings.
[Again, do I look like I need my feelings protected?]
But she was the FIRST one that made me go WOW!
Oh, confession time too. For years I wrote letters and emails to this girl. But in December of last year she told me to stop sending her letters. She told me she would let me know why later, and as usual she never did. But being a respectful man I stopped sending her letters as she asked. But she never said to stop writing. So I set up a second blog and would post my letters to her there. I’m not sure why I did that, but I seemed to get pleasure thinking that someday she would find those letters and say “awww”!
[Doubt it!]
I stopped writing a few weeks ago. I have no idea what I will do with all those old letters.
As I think about it, there is a bit of sadness on my part. But there is also some excitement. Maybe like my horoscope said, “before you lies new opportunities”. I will continue to search for another one that makes me go WOW. And I will find her someday because I always get what I want. But while I am searching, why can’t I still hang out with this chick. We do have fun, and we do get along.
Yup, I’m sort of excited.
Monday, August 6, 2012
My Journal #260 - I luv ya . . . . escape!
Since it has now been a few weeks since the horrible event in Colorado, I wish to discuss a related topic. I won’t discuss the event itself because too many people lost loved ones or are still praying for loved ones to survive. I’ve been in horrible events, and I know how the recuperating process works slowly.
Instead, I want to try to help you in the event you end up in a situation like that one.
The best advice I can give you is to always be alert. Pay attention to your surroundings and the people around you that you don’t know. Always find an exit. It sounds silly now, but in a crisis you need to know how to escape. And that is my first piece of advice . . . . escape.
Everyone thinks they know how they will react in a crisis. Well, take it from someone who has had more than his share of crisis moments. You will NEVER know what you will do or how you will react. And even if you’ve been there before, you may never react the same way twice.
Again, step one is to be attentive and always know the exits. After that, find a way to live. Do what you have to do to survive. Forget your pride, your integrity, and your personal goals. Do what it takes to live. People need you, regardless of who you are. They would want you to live so find a way.
Step three is to never give up. If your first plan fails and you can’t escape then keep your wits and find a second escape route. Stay low, keep your eyes and ears open, breath, and keep moving until you find a way to escape.
And don’t try to be a hero. Save yourself first and then focus on loved ones. I know it sounds crappy, but remember that you can’t save your loved ones if you are dead. You need to be there for them and you’re not there if you are dead.
Please note that I never suggested that you attempt to defend yourself. I encourage people that have been trained with weapons to feel free to carry them. But if you are not confident then you may be adding to the problem. I was once very skilled with weapons, but I don’t carry anything because I know how deadly it is.
Just imagine the scenario that the folks in Colorado faced, and let me try to insert you into the mix. You’ve had a good dinner and a few drinks when you decide to go to a movie. You have a slight buzz and a full stomach. The lights go out and suddenly all hell breaks loose.
The movie stops, but no lights come on. Its pitch black and now there is smoke and gas engulfing the place. Shots ring out, and the person next to you goes down. People are screaming and running everywhere in the dark all around you. You heart is racing, it’s chaos . . . .
And you really think you can focus and get off a shot in the dark, smoky, wild environment and not hit an innocent child or mother.
Just forget returning fire . . . . ESCAPE!
I luv ya and I want you to live.
Instead, I want to try to help you in the event you end up in a situation like that one.
The best advice I can give you is to always be alert. Pay attention to your surroundings and the people around you that you don’t know. Always find an exit. It sounds silly now, but in a crisis you need to know how to escape. And that is my first piece of advice . . . . escape.
Everyone thinks they know how they will react in a crisis. Well, take it from someone who has had more than his share of crisis moments. You will NEVER know what you will do or how you will react. And even if you’ve been there before, you may never react the same way twice.
Again, step one is to be attentive and always know the exits. After that, find a way to live. Do what you have to do to survive. Forget your pride, your integrity, and your personal goals. Do what it takes to live. People need you, regardless of who you are. They would want you to live so find a way.
Step three is to never give up. If your first plan fails and you can’t escape then keep your wits and find a second escape route. Stay low, keep your eyes and ears open, breath, and keep moving until you find a way to escape.
And don’t try to be a hero. Save yourself first and then focus on loved ones. I know it sounds crappy, but remember that you can’t save your loved ones if you are dead. You need to be there for them and you’re not there if you are dead.
Please note that I never suggested that you attempt to defend yourself. I encourage people that have been trained with weapons to feel free to carry them. But if you are not confident then you may be adding to the problem. I was once very skilled with weapons, but I don’t carry anything because I know how deadly it is.
Just imagine the scenario that the folks in Colorado faced, and let me try to insert you into the mix. You’ve had a good dinner and a few drinks when you decide to go to a movie. You have a slight buzz and a full stomach. The lights go out and suddenly all hell breaks loose.
The movie stops, but no lights come on. Its pitch black and now there is smoke and gas engulfing the place. Shots ring out, and the person next to you goes down. People are screaming and running everywhere in the dark all around you. You heart is racing, it’s chaos . . . .
And you really think you can focus and get off a shot in the dark, smoky, wild environment and not hit an innocent child or mother.
Just forget returning fire . . . . ESCAPE!
I luv ya and I want you to live.
My Journal #259 - Did I choose wrong?
Today is Lovelygirl’s birthday.
I haven’t talked to her for months now. She stopped sending text messages, she stopped calling, and I’ve only received three emails in three months. And I doubt she reads my blog anymore.
I asked for this.
Lovelygirl really disliked a friend of mine. She was obsessed with proving to me that this friend was not what I thought she was. We constantly fought over our opinions regarding this person. Finally, I had enough. We fought, more truths came out, and now we don’t speak.
I sort of miss her . . . and the friend we fought about vanished just like Lovelygirl said she would.
Maybe I chose to support the wrong person, and let someone that did care about me walk away.
Maybe . . .
Happy Birthday Lovelygirl.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
My Journal #258 - That dating story I promised
I promised my dating story a few weeks ago. I couldn’t really come through with it then because it was sort of “on-going”. Ok, it was also embarrassing. But I make a fool of myself constantly; it’s sort of the price I pay for being direct and honest. So I’m used to it now.
Anyway, here goes . . .
Several years ago I met someone. We went out and I fully expected it to simply be two people out for a quick drink. But it was more. It turned out that this person, who I had known for about a year, was far more than I expected. I actually liked her. And I eventually fell for her.
But it was just a casual thing back then, so I continued to date around. At some point I realized that I was leaving my weekend plans with everyone else vague so that IF this person wanted to get together I would be available. That was when I decided to stop dating. I guess for me it wasn’t just a casual relationship anymore.
So far in 2012 I’ve only been out with that one person.
But I recently confirmed that I was the only one that wanted more from that relationship. So I had to change.
My first thought was to take one of my week end get-a-ways to SA or SM. Basically those are my sex weekends. But I couldn’t get fired up for it like I used to. You see even though that other relationship wasn’t about sex . . . . the sex was pretty damn AMAZING! And now the chicks I keep around just for pleasure don’t get me going anymore.
[Ya know what I mean?]
So I then thought about just going out and hitting on chicks in bars. I am VERY good at the face to face pickups. But as I looked back on all the times I did that, it usually ended up in a one night deal. That isn’t a bad thing, but I guess that now I am looking for more than just a one night deal. Believing I had been in a relationship (even though I was mistaken) let me see how great a relationship can be. So bar hopping was out as well.
So I joined a dating site. Yup, I paid them the money and everything. I didn’t know how they worked, or even if they worked. But I figured why not find out. And yes, I was 100% completely honest about myself.
Earlier today I checked to see if anyone had contacted me. (I guess that is how it works) To my amazement I had 57 messages. I skimmed though about a dozen and there were some interesting ladies out there. But then I wondered if these were all fake messages. I had heard that some sites send fake messages trying to get you to pay more money. So I replied to five of my messages.
All five came back to me and we chatted. I now have five phone numbers as well as five ladies that say they would like to meet.
So next weekend I will pick two and set up a couple of meetings. Now maybe I will finally meet that one special person; and maybe I’ll even end up walking down that darn beach at sunset holding hands and finally figuring out what love is.
Wish me luck now because I won’t discuss the progression here.
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