My Journal #203 - Let's talk about Relationships?

I don’t mean a marriage, a truly arranged monogamous relationship, or even a relationship where two people live together and have an “understanding”. No I’m talking about a guy and a girl, occasionally dating but close. A relationship where there is no presumption of monogamy but yet no formality in asking for dates is required.

And to further pinpoint my discussion, let’s avoid discussing what people may do. A drunken night ending in the back seat of a car basically isn’t the discussion. No, instead what I want to discuss is the amount of communication that would be expected. Again, I will concede that communication is not necessarily required. It’s more like what would be the RIGHT thing to communicate.

Granted, right and wrong are discernable. But if two people like each other, have some amount of respect for each other, and typically count on each other for support and entertainment what would be the anticipated amount of communication regarding the time apart from each other?

Since I am a guy I presume that you would guess which side of this talk I will be on. I’m confident you are thinking “what happens in wherever stays in wherever”. Being totally honest, for the bulk of my adult I lived by that motto. Phrases like “Be true to myself and screw the rest of ‘em” and “live and let live” were part of who I was. Yet at some point I started having a lot more respect for myself, and that became a standard for how I treated other people.

So here’s a big surprise, I believe in open and honest communication.

I was trying to explain this to a friend recently. They have a unique lifestyle and it often “splashes” over on other people. I explained that usually the people around you are the same people that care about our well being, and the “splash” can sometimes be shocking. My point was that I didn’t so much care about the choices they made, but since I was a friend I am sort of a part of their life; and I’d like to know what’s coming at me.

So let’s get back to the aforementioned “drunken night” scenario I mentioned earlier. Let’s say there are two close friends, dating regularly, and intimate often. One party asks to spend time with the other party. The second party can’t because they had already made other plans. The second party goes out, become inebriated and aroused, and hooks up with a stranger.

The next morning, although not necessarily regretful, the second party is aware of the actions that occurred; But not remorseful as they have no obligation to anyone else. Then the first party calls up, as they usually do and asks, “How was you night and what did you do?”

So . . . .  Are you honest?

I would say yes you should be. If the first party is really a friend then they deserve to know the truth so they can make decisions based on reality. I mean the second party made a choice that was good for them. As a friend shouldn’t you give your friend the same opportunity. Maybe it won’t matter, but maybe it will. If they are a friend then you won’t lose them due to you actions, but they can adjust the interpersonal relationship they have with you and others.

In my opinion it’s only fair!