First I just looked up and saw that this is Journal #033. Wow, how time flies. Let me ask you, when I sent my first Journal, how many of you thought you would see #33? Well, my beautiful and sexy bitches (Just kidding), my goal is 999. I guess we will see.
Second, will someone make up a dummy account and be my follower? It’s lonely here, late at night, listening to Miles Davis, sipping Cognac . . .
Ok, this one will be complicated. I have trained you to understand that when I speak to you I am talking about . . . what?
Class?
Bueller?
Bueller?
I am talking about ALL Texas men, right? Damn you should take notes! Ok, I know that when you read these “tidbits” that you skim through all the advice because you THINK you know men better than me. You probably just look for the one or two INCREDIBLY humorous sidebars I throw in and move on. Well THIS TIME pay attention.
This time I will discuss my personal take on a specific event we have all experienced. Again, this is not how ALL MEN will think because this is one area where I have drifted off of the path. Yup, believe it or not I am unique. And even though I follow the “Guy Code”, I do take liberties from time to time . . . and this is one of them.
FIRST DATES
We have all had at least one, right? You see I have no idea what a woman goes through before a first date with someone they are thrilled to be going out. But even I have actually been enthralled with a woman or two up to the point where I actually asked them out because I REALLY wanted to get to know them. And I can tell you this, from my standpoint, there is no better feeling in the world then the hour before the first date with someone you like.
Excitement – Nervousness – Uncertainty – Thrill – Happiness – Indecisions – Anxiety!
Yup, these are all there. So I will think back to a special lady that I asked out because I wanted to see if anything was there. Now keep in mind that I was once not quite as romantically inclined as I am today. Most of the time I didn’t necessarily ask a girl out, I instructed her as to when she needed to be ready, how she should be dressed, what we would do together, and what she was expected to do. Yes, I was a pig. But believe it or not, back then, NO ONE ever questioned me and they always said YES!
But that is not the first dates I am speaking about. Actually, doing that so many times sort of made me into what I am today. I guess when I look back at how I “used” those girls I really feel bad. I doubt any of them were scarred for life or anything. I mean they could have said no. Of course if you wanted to be “popular” you had better say yes. Anyway, these are not those dates and I am not that person.
So, on this one date in question, I thought this chick was cute, sexy, and funny. What an incredible mix. So I tracked down her phone number (Nope, she didn’t give it to me because she had no idea I was interested . . . I am VERY good at that). It was early evening and I decided that this was the time to call. The thought of calling was nerve racking. I actually wrote down the first line I would use when she answered, just in case my mind went blank.
Oh, and then I even did a flowchart of responses. You know, like a programmer’s flow chart. IF she said this THEN I would say that; but IF she said that instead THEN I would only say this. I had about 4 pages in my flowchart. I definitely wanted to control the conversation.
Yet the moment she said “hello” everything went blank. Heck, I couldn’t even read my words anymore. It was probably only about a second or two of silence after she answered before I finally spoke, but it my world it lasted about 20 years. Holy crap, I nearly crapped on myself.
Anyway, I finally spoke. She didn’t seem impressed. I later found out that she had a tip that I would be calling and she was doing your typical “woman” thing by being coy and appearing uninterested. Ladies, screw that! I almost gave up, and most males would have at that point. But I was determined, and I hung in there. But here’s a hint for you, If you like me then tell me. It’s actually one of my three rules.
People have a LOT of requirements for being in a relationship with someone, be it a romantic relationship, a work relationship, or simply a friendly relationship. But me, I have only three rules. And they really are simple.
· Like me. I really don’t care how you show it, but saying it makes life a lot easier. FYI, guys either like or don’t like. It is really that simple. Females seem to have a thousand different levels of like, and I never really know what level I am on. So clueing me in occasionally would be nice.
· Make time for me. I don’t need to see you ever day, but I need face to face contact or something. If you don’t ever have time for me, then the relationship is over. Oh, by the way, IGNORING me is the fastest way to prove to me that you have no time for me.
· Be honest. We’ve discussed this before in detail, so I won’t go over it again. But this is a BIG rule.
I need to get back to my discussion.
So I finally got the words out and her response was “sure”. SURE? I bust a gut to build up the courage to ask you out and all you can say is “sure”? Do you know how deflating it was when I heard that? At that moment I didn’t want to go out at all. SURE? Dang, what a horrible response. So now I have asked, and I assume that SURE means I have to take her out, but damn!!!!
SURE??? Don’t ever just say “sure”.
I got past it finally, but the conversation ended immediately. I was torn for the next few days. I had committed to taking this chick out, and I did find her to be incredible. But that one word response made me want to go back to just calling up someone and saying, “Hey, let’s go get drunk and screw”.
I wore old jeans and a pullover shirt. I would have worn Dockers or dress jeans and a button down shirt if she had said yes instead. I had planned on taking her to a quaint and hidden little Italian Restaurant, but now I was going to take her to McDonalds. I’m kidding, but she getting Chili’s instead. Hey, if she didn’t want to be there enough to just say yes then she gets something less that the best.
But when she opened her door, ALL of that didn’t matter. She looked so damn amazing. And I don’t mean sexually. She looked good, better than I had ever seen or imagined. And she smiled. Ladies, smile at me and I will do ANYTHING that you ask.
She was beautiful. To this day I can remember exactly what she had on, how she smelled, what she did, everything. It was the grandest introduction I had ever had.
If only I could have talked.
I was lost. I couldn’t bring my lips to move. I stood there for an eternity drooling like a dog. How freakin’ embarrassing. But she was cool. She reached out, took my hand in hers, and said, “Are you ready to go?”
Oh, one more note about me. If you take my hand I am yours. I love touching and public displays of caring, and I love holding hands. So by taking my hand the world cleared up quickly.
My brain did come back on again. We did go to the Italian Restaurant. We did have a great time. There was no more nervousness, uncertainty or indecisions. It was all excitement and happiness. We laughed and we talked. She touched my hands several times during the meal. It was romantic and pleasant. Wow.
We did not have sex. By the end of the evening I sort of could tell that I was in if I tried. But I didn’t. I don’t have sex on a first date often. (God, that sounds “girlee”) It’s true. If I do have sex on a first date then I can assure you that it’s not about the sex. If I have sex on a first date it is because I believe I have bonded in some way with the lady.
Anyway, I never asked her out again. I did find out the next day that she actually broke one of my rules on the first date. She wasn’t honest about something. Now if we had been dating for a while then I probably would have gone to her and said “Hey, what the heck?” But since it was done on a first date then I felt it was important enough to end the relationship. I never told her that. I usually don’t.
I did run into her again about two months later. She did ask me why I never asked her out again too. But at that moment she had become one of the “sluts”, so I lied to her. I figured if she isn’t honest with me then I won’t be honest with her.
Crap, I digress again.
Look the bottom line is I LOVE FIRST DATES! They are exciting, fun, nerve wracking, and so on. But when I think about it, regardless of the outcome, that moment of asking for a date and gaining acceptance is the most uplifting experience in life. I have run out of tunnels in front of THOUSANDS of people screaming my name. For an aggressive “alpha male” like me that is the top of the world. But I will say that hearing a lady say “yes” sends more excitement through my body than anything else I have ever done.
And yes, I have had a FIRST DATE with most of you. And each time my heart went “pitter patter”. J
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