My Journal 036

Wow . . so there is a topic for your class today that I wanted to discuss. But this being a public forum I am struggling with how to approach this particular topic. I’m not real good at innuendo or hints, as we all now know. I’m much better at “in your face” directness (Boy, this will sound really bad if you re-read this) But I guess that I have to try, because it is important. It will definitely slow me down, and possibly cause me to lose my thoughts from time to time. But hopefully we will get through it together and you will understand.

Aw geez!

Here we go?!?!?

Hmmm, there is an act that females occasionally perform for their man. It is an act that the female can perform fully clothed. (Are you up with me?) Ok, from my perspective and based on limited conversations with other males (we don’t chat like you do), this particular act if performed properly is the single most . . . ummm . . . errrr . . . enjoyable feeling for a male.

(Gosh darn this is hard)

Now it appears to me, and I believe that I am speaking for the majority of males now, that to the female it is not nearly as (Oh what did I call it . . . oh yes) enjoyable as it is for the male. For some women, or so I have heard (Hehehehe) it is just as enjoyable. The problem is for the other females, those that just do it because . . . Aw who knows?

(Crap, I’ve lost my train of thought twice already)

I really do have a point here. It’s just complicated to do without my analogies and typical whimsical comments. But I’m no quitter, so let’s push deeper. (Hmmm, was that a Freudian slip?) My point is this; no male will stray from a female that will perform this act with exuberance, on a regular basis, without prodding, and will finish it “neatly”.

(Wow, I hope you understand gibberish)

So let’s assume that you have found your male. That one male that is everything you’ve ever wanted, needed and desired. And as amazing as it seems, this make feels the same way about you. Now I am not a female, but if I imagined myself being one (STOP laughing) then I would imagine that I would want to keep my male and never have to worry about him straying.

(Lord forgive me for this debacle)

Anyway, I would therefore assume that you too would find it beneficial to know something that you could do to guarantee that the love of your life comes home to you every night. Believe me, it will work. But let’s discuss the specifics of the plan since you may be one of those “other” females that don’t find it as enjoyable. So I will briefly discuss each of the criteria I outline above just so you have a thorough knowledge of the situation.

(This just keeps getting harder)

(Oops, another Freudian slip?)

Again, by performing this act you eliminate a lot of your competition. But your worry should still be those females that really do enjoy performing this act. It’s sort of like eating spinach. You may not like it, but you know that you have to do it; where some may really enjoy eating spinach and even lick the bowl clean after. This is how you can eliminate those “spinach lovers”.

Hmmm, spinach lovers . . . ok, let’s go with that.

Exuberance

What I am suggesting here is to “act” like you enjoy it. But even more than that, act like you REALLY enjoy it. Let your male be creative with the positions. Let him participate, and moan a lot. Oh, also you can eat your spinach with one hand, so be creative with the other . . . you know what I mean?

And if you were to look up . . . oops, I mean make eye contact frequently it makes watching you eat spinach much more pleasurable. Males know that for you this may be a mundane chore, but we are easily deceived. So use you manipulation skills to make us THINK that you enjoy spinach.

Regular Basis

Ok, birthdays and every other anniversary are not considered a “regular basis”. I am thinking more along the lines of multiple times a week. Hey, make it multiple times a day and we will even take the trash out without being asked. Now that a bonus, right?

Speaking just for myself (Since I am fairly amazing in this department . . or so I dream) multiple times a day is VERY do-able.

Without Prodding

Ok, males know that you may not enjoy eating spinach. But heed my warnings, there are females out there that LOVE spinach, that enjoy eating spinach, that often beg to eat our spinach. (Are you getting my drift?) We, as males, also know that if we are ever going to get to . . . ummm . . I guess watch you eat spinach we will be force to beg you ourselves.

Even though this act is immensely pleasurable for males, having to beg 50 times just to enjoy watching you eat spinach once tends to “tarnish the luster”. Don’t misunderstand, we still want to be tarnished, but making us beg EVERY time when someone else is possibly begging us is a disaster waiting to happen.

So suggest it yourself occasionally. Or better yet, just take over and eat the spinach without being asked. You man’s had a tough day, he comes home to you tired and frustrated, he flops on the couch and considers becoming a vegetable. Hey, walk up to him and eat spinach!!! And if you worry about rejection, geez . . . get real. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!

Finish it Neatly

(This one will take some creative thinking)

Ok, when you eat spinach most males don’t care what you do with the . . . errrr . . . ummm . . hmmm . . juice? Yes, spinach leaves some juice once it is completely eaten. Now you can “dump” it out and we’re ok with it. But, if you were to “suck up” the leftover juice then you have an excellent chance of revitalizing his libido; to the point where the male could be capable of then doing something you like, such as  . . ummm . . licking the ice cream???

(Gee willikers)

Anyway, the spinach lovers usually do finish the juice of their spinach. I’m just saying, if you want to win then you have to compete. If you want to compete you need to know your competition. I mean if you can eat that darn diet yogurt then . . . .

Whew! I am sweating all over now.

Well, I hope I made my point here. Yes it was awkward, but I am trying to adjust my vocabulary (Happy Bananarama?) So I tried to make my points in a proper fashion. Also, I am open to rebuttals and comments.

Just try to figure out how to do that . . . it’s freakin difficult! J

Now I know that we have covered a lot of complicated content today. So, as a friend I want to let you know that if you need a private tutoring session, or even personal “hands on” training that I will gladly give of myself to assist you with your learning experience.

AND YOU WON’T EVEN HAVE TO BEG!

Miss you!