My Journal 105

I heard on the news that people are in an outrage because a few college football players are announcing that they were given sexual favors from coeds at the bequest of the respective boosters as an inducement during the recruiting process.

HELLO?!?!?!?

That is exactly why I ended up at the school I did. I was provided two beautiful young coeds and they did not know how to say no. This has been going on for many years people!

But I guess what dumb founds me the most is that when the news breaks that a player got a new car, or a bag of cash, the response is, “Oh well, shame on them.” Yet announce that some young nubile coed got on her knees or bent over a couch for a prospective student athlete and everyone is up in arms to lynch someone. Both examples are violations of the rules, and everyone involved knows it. So why is one violation so shocking and the other so mild?

Look, the stupid coed that agreed to provide sexual favors probably would have done darn near anything for free anyway. I mean seriously, picture a girl that is willing to do that. Wouldn’t you imagine that she would be the type that would do that anyway, even if not asked? I’m not saying that the girl is the only one at fault, or even at fault at all. But let’s be realistic. It takes a certain amount of idiocy to agree to do this anyway, right?

And can you imagine how the original conversation went?

[COED] Hi, I’m Bambi and I’m here to apply for the job you posted on the internet.

[BOOSTER] Well . . . . hello Bambi. No, don’t sit down yet. The first part of the interview process needs to be done while standing. I have to see your . . . um . . . err . . . resume first. So remove all your clothing please.

[COED] OK!

~ MOMENTARY PAUSE WHILE HER CLOTHES HIT THE FLOOR ~

[COED] So, what do you think?

[BOOSTER] Hmmm, they look pretty firm. Let me feel them. Hmmm, they do feel nice. Ok, turn around slowly for me. Hmmm, nice tattoo. Yea, I think that your body would suffice. Now, tell me how you are qualified . . . . no, no. Don’t put your clothes on yet.

[COED] Well, I’m only 18 years old but I do have over 7 years experience. I’ve taken it in all three openings too, and I’m ok with everything. If you need references you can check with Dean Smith. He bumped me from failing to an A twice. And Professor Jones allowed me a B without ever having to show up for class or take a test.

[BOOSTER] Hmmm, ok . . . I guess you technically qualify. But we have a lot of recruits coming through here so you have to be quick and have stamina also. Do you mind taking a test?

[COED] OK!

[BOOSTER] Walk over here Miss Bambi. (unzips fly) Ok, I’ll keep an eye on my watch, you do your thing and let’s just see how long it takes you do get me there. Ready? GO!

~ MOMENTARY PAUSE FOR . . . . WELL, YOU KNOW ~

[COED] Hrldth I dith?

[BOOSTER] Don’t talk with your mouth full young lady. Now swallow and speak to me again.

~ LOUD GULP ~

[COED] How did I do?

[BOOSTER] I don’t know Bambi, you were 20 seconds slower than the previous candidate.

[COED] Oh please?!?!? Can I try again???

[BOOSTER] We will see, maybe later tonight. Now let’s talk compensation.

[COED] Compensation? I’ve never been compensated. I go like clockwork.

[BOOSTER] No sweetie, I mean your payment for services.

[COED] Well, I work part time at the Student Union, so I don’t have much money. But I could probably pay about $20.

[BOOSTER] Huh? No, I mean . . . . Oh well, your hired!

Actually, I think I knew her back in the day. Oh, it’s ok . . I was a gentleman. I made her buy me dinner and drinks before I “did” her.

Hehehehehe!