I mentioned that I had a strange weekend. I still choose not to tell the events that transpired, but the “lead in” to this ordeal was interesting and I will share it.
On Friday I received a message from LL. She was in the area and wanted to meet me for lunch. Being around her can be a breath of fresh air sometimes, and I needed that. So we met. As usual, we were just like we had never been apart, laughing and talking. It was a lot of fun.
Then she mentioned some journal pages that she had read, particularly the ones where I mention what I am looking for currently in a relationship. She knows I get advice from all of you, but she brought up a good point. She said she is probably the only one of you that has been on a real date with me; so she believes that she may have a different perspective.
One thing I do love about my LL is that she ALWAYS says exactly what is on her mind, and she never “sugar coats” it. I think that is why we remain friends in spite of our constant bickering.
But this time she actually buttered me up first. She told me how I had some characteristics that women enjoy. I won’t go into that conversation any further other than to say she agreed that I can charm almost anyone. But the she surprised me with something. She admitted that she and another girl I know are what she called “wild women”. She said that neither she nor the other girl is capable of being faithful, EVEN IF SHE WANTS TO BE, so they are always looking for the fun “one night stand” type of a guy.
This part didn’t really blow me away too bad. I sort of already knew this part. But then she told me more. She said she hears me when I write that I want someone for romantic dinners and walks down the beach. She said she knows me well enough to say that if I ever found that person I would make them the happiest woman ever. But then she told me that I am not designed to attract that woman . . . EVER.
Whoa, wait a minute.
Before I could argue she shut me down with a kiss, and then laughed at how well she knew me and could control me. Then she told me to shut up and listen. She said other than the qualities that she earlier told me that I have, that I have two qualities that keep all the nice girls away and only attract these “wild women”.
First, she said that I am mysterious. She said that all women can see how I have a habit of quickly offering up “tidbits” about myself that are interesting or humorous, just to keep them from asking about the things I don’t want to share. She said that I probably thought that by doing that I am tricking the girls into thinking I am an open book. But she told me that the moment she met me, she knew that there was a whole lot more to me than I would ever share. For her, that was a HUGE turn on and she said it would be for the other “wild woman” I know as well. But it would scare a nice girl away. She said that nice girls, the ones that also want roses and beaches, would be afraid of what they might find inside of me someday.
Hmmm?
Second, she said I am a BIG flirt. I again tried to deny it but she shut me up again. She then proceeded to tell me that not only do I flirt, but that I am seductive and suggestive with my flirting. She told me that this was too much for her, and drew her to me like a magnet. She said that this type of flirting always attracts “Us slutty girls”. She told me that the nice girls enjoy the flirting, but it scares them as well. So they put up their guards.
I thought back to my previous dating attempts. She may be right, as I always can get the girl but only for a week or so at a time.
That was when she reached out and took both of my hands in hers. “Sweetie?” (Whenever she calls me that I know I am about to get kicked in the teeth) “You will never get someone to love you and you will never get the girl you want. You just aren’t designed for that”
Ok, I’ll stop there for a moment and move to the next round of talks. But to be honest, that rocked my world more than damn near anything I ever heard.
I spent Saturday talking to Banana-rama, Kat and Lovely girl. Each of them agreed with LL. But none of them could give me a solution. So I turned back to LL and asked what I could change to get that type of a girl. She again insisted that I couldn’t get a nice girl. And she said that trying to change who I am is a bigger mistake.
But she asked me why I was worried. She said that I had something that 90% of the men in the world would love to have. She said I could go anywhere and pick the hottest girl in the room. She said that regardless of race, age, mental capacity, or body type that I was capable of making the girl want to be with me immediately. “You can charm any girl out of her panties” she added. Then she asked me why I thought that this gift was a bad thing.
She told me that one of the reasons that she avoids me from time to time is because she knows that if I ever tried for her that she wouldn’t be able to say no. She said that she wouldn’t mind “taking a tumble” but that she knew that I would then try to make her into a good girl, when everyone knows she isn’t. She said that she and this other girl I know aren’t capable of being good girls. She told me that I have probably done the same thing with that girl, and that is why I’m confused. She asked me if this other girl avoids me for weeks at a time on occasion also.
She is right.
She said that no one can make a wild woman change. It’s in their DNA to bounce from bed to bed. By trying to date one of these women, hoping that it could be something long term, will become frustrating to me and confusing to the girl.
This led me to the Saturday night debacle. But I guess that she is right. I’ve been working on a solution all week, but thus far no luck. I mean I have enjoyed “wild women” most of my life. But now I really do want a meaningful relationship for the first time in my life. And perhaps it is never to be?!?!?
I just hope that somewhere out there is this “wild woman” that is bright (like me) and may eventually someday decide (like I did) that the wild times are fun but now she wants someone to give her roses and walk down a beach with her; and be wild with just me. Maybe she doesn’t exist. Maybe she never will exist. But at least for today, I still hold out a shred of hope. I do know that when I give up on her, I will give up forever. And giving up your dreams is difficult.
But I still went out Saturday to see if I was actually just a charming prick that could talk any woman into anything. I found out that I am. But get this, as I am leaving a place with my current “victim” on my arm and already agreeing to do “whatever I wanted”; I get a text from the other “wild woman”.
I turned around at that moment and walked away. I didn’t say another word to the “victim”. I went home alone that night.
I’m such a stupid ass!
Anyway, thanks to LL for being direct with me. And for all of those who chose to respond to me this weekend, thank you for your input too.
I’ll keep you updated.
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