When is enough really enough?
I was out with HMPOA one night and asked her one of my thought provoking questions. I said, “If two people love each other, but just can’t seem to get it all together, when does one of them say enough is enough and quit?”
Without missing a beat my good friend said, “Never! If two people love each other you never give up no matter what.”
Love must be a pretty powerful emotion. As she was giving me this touching answer I asked myself a question. I wondered what love is, how it feels, and how do you know when it’s love. I don’t think that there is a universal answer to this question. It’s probably not something you could Google either.
People have told me that they love me, but I’ve also learned that the word “love” can be used to mean friendship as well as any other definition. Actually, in my troubled youth, I used to tell girls I loved then just so I could screw them. So my next question was how does one know if they are loved, by their own definition?
I have no answer to either question. I did find someone once that made me feel very different. I’m not sure what the feeling was, but I do know that it threw me for a loop. I couldn’t be me around this person. I thought about her more than anyone before. I would see things and my first thought would be that I wished she could see it too. And whenever we were together there was nothing else going on in the world but her. Maybe that feeling was love.
So, being the analytical person that I am, I wondered the odds of two people falling in love. If everyone may have a different definition of love and with billions of people in the world, how do you know that the ONE person that was THE ONE for you didn’t walk right past you while you were texting someone else? You may have been sitting right next to “the one” on a bus, but because you had a pimple that day you didn’t say a word.
Think about it. You may fall in love with someone, but it doesn’t work unless they are in love with you too. And what about timing? Suppose they fall in love with you, but at that moment you don’t believe in love, or just don’t feel it yet? Suppose that they become embarrassed and decided to move on before you realize your feelings?
And what about the concept of love at first sight. If you are to fall in love, do you know it immediately? Can you find someone, have a casual relationship that evolves to a friendly relationship and EVENTUALLY blossoms into love?
And what are the odds that you are ever even are in the same vicinity as this one person for you. The earth is a big place. Hell, I can’t even find roofing nails at Lowes and they have maps and people to point you in the right direction. How are you supposed to find that one person for you?
And what if timing isn’t the issue? What if you fall in love with someone who isn’t and won’t fall in love with you? Is it a waste of time to try?
After contemplating all the complexities involved in two people falling in love, and imagining I can calculate the odds of it EVER happening, then I tend to agree with HMPOA. If you ever do find that one person, and you fall in love, and they are in love with you; then don’t ever stop working on it! No matter what, keep trying.
Now then, if I actually buy into my own bullshit then I wonder why I ever gave up on that person that made me feel different. There were probably a dozen reasons why, but the biggest was that I did believe my thoughts were NOT being reciprocated by this person. I felt that they didn’t feel like I felt. But I didn’t know it. Did I give up on my one chance for love in my lifetime?
C’mon ladies, we all know who she was.
That person once told me that based on what they know about me, that the best way to get me to do something is to tell me that I can’t do it. That statement is correct. I am a very competitive person and I have a real hard time refusing a challenge. Knowing this, I’ve wondered on occasion if this one person intentionally made it difficult . . . to make me take the challenge. Maybe this person wanted to know if I would keep trying no matter what. Maybe they NEEDED to know that for once in their life someone would fight for them no matter what they did. Maybe they NEEDED me to keep trying, no matter what. Maybe this was the biggest challenge in my life!
Damn, life is complicated and love is freakin’ impossible. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if life was like a comic book? When someone walks by you still see them and hear their words, but this white bubble appears above their head and their true thoughts are spelled out for you to see.
Anyway, I went with my gut and my gut said that if it was real then I would know it . . . . and I didn’t.
But then again, I don’t even know what it is I was supposed to know. I just told them to look into their life, figure out what they want, and if I have a role to give me a call.
I’ve had no call yet.
So, this one amazing person still walks the planet I share with them. Maybe they are happy that I finally understood their signals and walked away. Maybe they are oblivious to the fact that I ever cared. Maybe they are bitter because they were using me and now they lost their puppet.
But maybe, just maybe, they are sad that I quit.
Yup, life is complicated. But I believe that love exists and is possible, even for me. I guess I just found out when enough was enough for me.
BUT I WILL NEVER KNOW.
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