My Journal 160

First and foremost, some simple advice for all women . . . .

JUST SAY WHAT’S ON YOU MIND!

Perhaps it’s just that you’re not sure what is on your mind. Well crap, figure it out and tell someone. I know I’ve tried to explain this before, and I hate to be redundant, but try to listen for once.

As a guy we are tasked with trying to find out what you want. If we are too aggressive because we think you like us we could become a creep or a stalker. If we are too passive because we think you’re not into us then we are weak or gay. Yes, I know you’re role in this dating thing sucks too. You have to sit and hope that the right guy asks you. But why? Come talk to us.

And remember that we have to put ourselves out there EVERY SINGLE TIME. We have been slapped, ridiculed, mocked and threatened simply for asking you out. We never know how you will respond so we have to suck it up and make the first move. Again, I prefer this to waiting around. But try to keep in mind that we may have PTDS (Post Traumatic Date Syndrome)

Look, we try our best to figure you gals out. But you never let us know for sure.

So let me give you two recent examples of how good or bad it could work.

So I go out last week. I am sitting at a bar downtown next to a young and tiny girl. She is in a bar so I assume that she must be 21, but I would bet not much more. I’m just minding my own business when she begins to speak to me.

Sign number one, she spoke to me. So we begin chatting. We sort of hit it off as best as I can tell. She is with a girlfriend and they decide to go to another bar right down the street. This chick asks me to go. Please note, she didn’t ask me if I wanted to go, she asked me to go. There is a huge difference. If she had asked if I wanted to go I really wouldn’t know if she was just being nice or if she wanted me to go with her. By asking me to go she implies that she wants me to go, so I do.

She grabs my hand, which is sign number two. She holds my hand dragging me as walk to the next bar. And she talks to me, not only to her friend. The evening progresses and as we are talking the band is playing. So we have to lean into each other to hear. On one of my “lean in” motions I put the side of my face next to her mouth so I can hear. She kisses me.

Sign number three. So now I am fully aware that I can be myself with this chick. I don’t know how far she wants to go, but I am comfortable that we can have fun. And we do. We drink, we laugh, and we have fun. There was a limo available (long story) and we end up going there for some champagne. She is still holding my hand at this time and in the middle of the conversation she places my hand on her breast.

Sign number four. Now I am confident that we are on the same page. We begin kissing heavier and our hands wander a bit more. Now I hit a snag at this point which is totally unrelated to her. I started thinking about this other girl. It was someone that I was recently smitten with, and “poof” she pops into my head. It was sort of a distraction. But I guess the girl I was with noticed. So the next thing I know she has removed her panties from under her very short skirt and hands them to me.

Sign number five, and I never thought about the other girl again that night.

After about an hour of intense passion, this girl writes her phone number on my hand and tells me to call her. Now get this, she said, “I’m not looking for a boyfriend, I’m just looking for a good guy to hang out with, but who knows.”

So I caught every sign and even know where we are when we finally said goodbye many hours later.

Example number two. I have a friend that I wanted to be closer to. We had been friends for a while so I told her my intentions. She actually gave me a limited yet possibly positive response. So I began my quest.

The problem was that nothing else changed. More than half of the times I tried to arrange a date she was too busy or just didn’t reply. When we did find time to be together she would limit my access to her. So, I got one signal that said go ahead and try and another signal that said back off.

I asked her to let me know her schedule because she was very busy. I figured if I knew when her down time was I could ask her for that time. She wouldn’t do it. So I would tell her my schedule, hoping that she would clue me in on when she would be available. She didn’t.

WTF?

There were more events, but it was constantly back and forth. She would say or do something that would make me go “Awwww”; and in an instant she would then do something that would make me go, “Huh?” It is maddening.

So being the direct sort of person that I am, I told her to figure out what she wants and then to call me. With this girl I wanted a bit more that sex in a limo (well, awesome, hot, passionate sex . . . ummm, sorry . . I’m back)

The first girl, the one I didn’t know and didn’t know me, was up front and honest and we both had a great time. The second girl, the one I like, is secretive, misleading, confusing, and distant (typical female role). So if she wants to have fun I don’t know it. She may be thinking, “Whew, he finally is backing off!”; or she may be thinking, “What’s wrong with this guy?”

I don’t know. But I have my reasons to be cautious.

So, once again ladies . . . . JUST SAY WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND!!!

Trust me, you will ALWAYS get what you want that way.