This past weekend someone told me I over-analyze things. If I do I promise it is not intentional. It’s just that my mind absorbs data and processes it constantly. So I thought I would explain what happens.
When someone makes a comment, my brain immediately begins to analyze. Imagine a Rubik’s cube, only with about 100 tiles on each side. The comment appears on one side. The other sides of the cube have ideas, thoughts, meanings, inferences and much more. Also imagine that this giant Rubik’s cube is 4 dimensional, meaning not only do you flip the outside of the cube, but all through the center too.
Immediately this cube starts flipping sides around looking for the most logical combination of analysis. It spins and spins at hundreds of miles an hour and reporting thousands of possible meanings a second. While this is going on, there are a thousand other cubes of similar sizes whirling data and reporting analysis at the same time about other things I am pondering.
While all this is going on, in my brain I can see ever single solution on every single cube at the same time. All this data is flying at me constantly while I think about this one comment. Additionally, while all this data is whirling around in my head, I have to deal with life. I am having conversations with people, working, playing and enjoying beauty at the same time.
None of this is intentional. All this data analysis is happening without me wanting or trying. It’s just happening 24 hours a day and seven days a week.
So when I am talking to any of you, this is what is going on in the background. Eventually, the perfect solution to a particular comment or question on one of the cubes is found. But as soon as it is found, another cube replaces it and the data flow continues.
At the same time, everything from my past is spinning on separate Rubik’s cubes. There are hundreds of thousands of these spinning at the same time. Each one is reporting to me what should have happened, what did happen, what didn’t happen, and so on. It literally makes me mad at times.
These run non-stop. Well, there are times when they vanish. When I am involved in intense physical activity my thoughts vanish. Instead of thinking I am reacting. This is why I love to run and push myself to the limit. When I run my brain goes quiet and all I think about is calmness.
Another time the thoughts vanish is during sex. When I am with someone that I deeply care about the brain shuts down. I can have sex with a stranger while all this data continues to spin. But when it is with someone I really care about it all goes away and all I think about is how to please this person.
For most of my life that had been it. Nothing else shut down the noise. But a year or so ago I found someone. This person already had a mystical connection to me and my past, but they were not aware. When I think of this person, talk to this person or simply hear their voice; all the noise stops. It is truly the most peaceful time of my life.
But I have no control over keeping this person in my life, so I don’t want to get to used to this form of silence.
Anyway, if you think I over analyze then maybe you are right. But I promise it’s not intentional. It’s just the way my brain functions.
Weird, huh?
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