Since this Friday is my day, I made a list of all the things I would want, in no particular order, if I could have EVERYTHING.
Our government would be FIRED and we would set up a Charitable Organization to build our roads and supply our military. They would have to solicit donations from us as there would be no more taxes. If they don’t do a good job then no one would donate and they would fire their President and hire a new one to get it done, or go broke.
You wouldn’t have to pay, or be harassed into donating money, just to attend church.
My friend Kat would find a GREAT job and live happily ever after.
Everyone would “just say no” whenever they were being robbed, and hundreds of law abiding citizens would run to their aid.
Convicted rapists would be executed immediately.
Teachers would be paid more than lawyers.
There would be no unemployment benefits. If you lost your job you would have to find another quickly. If you need help you would have to ask your friends and family (meaning you would have to be nice ALL the time).
Women would not use “codes”. They would just tell you what they honestly need, want and feel.
My friend Sunshine would trust me.
It would be summer all year long.
Coffee would stay hot and never cool no matter how long it takes you to finish a cup.
The internet would not exist.
If two countries were irritated with each other, instead of waging a war where thousands of innocent people would be killed, each country would select 12 people and they would have a giant cage fight. Winner takes all!
Mexican Restaurants would have to serve flour tortillas with every meal for FREE (Just like in San Antonio
My kids would never have to experience war.
Disco would come back and stay forever.
Everyone would get to watch the sun set on a secluded beach at least one time in their life.
Pizza, Tortilla chips, beer, and Apple Fritters would have zero calories.
Prostitution would be legal.
Phones would ring if someone calls, and you can call someone. But that would be all; there would be no email, texting, surfing, ring tones or any of that other new wave crap.
People would read books instead of watching movies. Trust me; the imagination is far more amazing than any movie could ever create on screen.
Law schools would shut down for 30 years and graduate no more lawyers. Maybe then the ratio of people to lawyers would get back in check and everyone would stop suing everyone.
Everyone would live exactly 70 years. You would know the exact date and time of your death so you could be prepared. Everyone would retire at 60 so everyone would have 10 years to do whatever they want.
Clothing would be optional.
You would need a minimum IQ to be able to vote for anything.
There would be no property tax or homeowners associations. You would ACTUALLY be able to OWN land outright.
Smoking a good brisket wouldn’t take 14 hours. Maybe only 4?
All prisons would have a limit of inmates. When full, the next time someone is sent to prison the one that has been in that prison the longest is executed. Sorry, shouldn’t have committed a crime buddy.
Minimum speed limits on the freeways would be reinstated.
Everyone would get a paid day off on their birthday.
Abusing a pet would be punishable in a similar fashion as abusing a person.
Roses would not “magically” become more expensive on Valentine’s Day.
Marijuana would be legalized.
Schools would teach the things kids need to learn to succeed in life and not just what they need to know to pass some random test.
Spanking kids would be legal again.
There would be only ONE international language.
Everyone would get to be totally, madly and deeply in love at some point in their life.
EVERY disease would be curable.
Everyone would get two “rewinds” during their life. You could back up 10 minutes for a “do over” and no one would ever know what happened.
It would only rain from to and from and . It would never rain on weekends.
Christmas decorations would stay up year round.
Everyone would have to carry an update priority list with them at all times so that anyone could see where they are on the list at any time.
Just as there are drinks that make you drunk when you want to be, there would be drinks to make you sober when you need to be.
S*E*X wouldn’t be a four letter word . . . oh wait . . . it isn’t. Well then people would realize it.
Everyone would look just the same to other people as they look to themselves.
Halloween costumes would always be acceptable year round.
Telling someone that you love them wouldn’t be frightening.
Everyone would need to have a plant, and keep it alive for a year before being allowed to have a child.
Wins and losses would be acceptable again in children’s sports.
Brothers and sisters would always be your best friends.
Just like we can buy beer by the keg, we could buy liquor by the barrel.
Staplers would never run out of staples.
I would get to see one more New Years Eve.
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