Thursday, September 15, 2011

My Journal 176

I was talking about dreams last night, so I wanted to share my unique situation. I may have discussed this before, but what the heck . . . I can’t remember.

I sleep for very short intervals, usually about two hours at a time. I do this about three to four times a day. I guess because I never sleep for very long I seldom reach the “dream state”. So I don’t have many dreams. It could be that I do dream and simply don’t have any recollection. But for whatever the reason, I only have about a dozen dreams in my life that I can recall.

Most of the dreams that I can recall are nightmares about my past adventures. When I returned from that life was when I stopped sleeping. I truly have no interest in those nightmares, and staying awake helps. But what I find very interesting is that one person has appeared three times in my dreams. That is three dreams out of about a dozen I can remember since the early eighties. That is a huge average.

That person is Sunshine. She is also the person whose voice I heard back in 1979 that gave me the push to fight to live and not just give up on life. She hadn’t even been born then, yet her voice came to me and urged me not to give up. She has also popped up a few times since then, when I was facing a situation, and she was able to talk me though it while probably not even knowing she was doing something great for me at the time. She is also the only person I can’t be myself around, and I don’t know why.

This is why I believe I have some mystical connection to her. This connection has faded in the past year. I assume this to mean that she came into my life for a purpose, and now that the purpose is fulfilled she will move away. That is sad because I hoped she could be a part of my future as well.

But I digress . . . .

I’ve always wondered about dreams and what they are like for someone else. Of course I can’t crawl into someone’s head and see their dreams at night. But I have read that dreaming is an important attribute for normal sanity. Perhaps this is why I do such bizarre stuff sometimes. Or maybe I’m just nuts and the dreams have nothing to do with it at all.

I listened to people discuss dreams, and they always seem so beautiful and relaxing. I would like to have one of those someday. It would be nice to lie down around and sleep soundly until the next morning while waking to a beautiful and relaxing memory of a dream. But all I get is death and horror. I have had incredible dreams about Sunshine as I mentioned. And as good as those dream were, it’s just not worth the risk.

Anyway, I prefer reality to dreams. And with my vivid imagination I do still have my fantasies to “tide me over”.


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