My Journal 193

I mentioned earlier how last week sort of changed me, or at least changed my perspective of life as I tried to live it. Some of my core beliefs that I established after I gave up my troubled past seem to be observed by me only. I truly believed that I needed to follow these beliefs both to make amends for my past and to be a person people wanted to be around. And I genuinely believed that people were moral and trustworthy.

But I now know that’s not quite right.

So here is a list of beliefs that I am going to abandon; or probably going to abandon based on how I now believe the rest of the world functions.

·          I am going to return to taking my “trips” out of the country. I know that my vision, reactions, and stamina may not be what it used to be. But my strength, my experience and my attitude still exist; and I am still damn good at it. And I get paid in cash. (The way I like to drive around Texas I could use the extra cash) And who cares if others get hurt?

·          I am going to be with women, even the taken ones. I won’t ask a taken woman to do anything, but when they offer I figure if they are willing to cheat then I will oblige them. As a matter of fact I am putting my morals aside and passing through SA this weekend on my way to San Marcos. Hey, why not?

·          I am going to lie to people. Obviously everyone lies now-a-days and I seem to be the only one getting caught up in those lies . . . and the only idiot that doesn’t lie. So if everyone else does it then I will as well. And I can be a great liar!

·          I am going to cheat. If I can win something, even if I have to cheat to do it, then I will. I’ve always believed that winning isn’t winning if you have to cheat to get it. But I seem to be in the minority on this issue. So whatever it takes.

·          I am going to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. I always thought that being open and honest would have its rewards. But it seems that now-a-days no one gives a crap what you think or feel, and very few are open and honest. All that matters is what you have done for them lately. So, that will be my motto as well.

·          I am going to call people out when someone screws me over. I’ve always believed that if you get over on me, well good for you. I will quietly disappear and you will never get a second chance. You aren’t worth my effort or anger. But now I think I will get right up in their face. Let’s see how tough you are now sucker!

Basically, I guess I am saying “No More Mister Nice Guy”. The first twenty something years of my life I was a complete ass to everyone. No one liked me. But at the same time I had everything I wanted. I had fame, fortune, and women. Since then I have tried to always do the right thing and be the nice guy. That hasn’t been working out so well lately. I truly believe that today people constantly try to screw over the nice guy because they think that they can get away with it.

So here’s to me saying “to hell with my morals and honesty” and being an ass all over again!

Oh, I gave you the link to a song that truly moved me recently. Here are the lyrics. Enjoy!

Letters from the Sky – Civil Twilight

One of these days the sky's gonna break and everything will escape
And I'll know
One of these days the mountains are gonna fall into the sea
And they'll know
That you and I were made for this
I was made to taste your kiss
We were made to never fall away
Never fall away

One of these days letters are gonna fall from the sky
Telling us all to go free
But until that day I'll find a way to let everybody know that you're coming back,
You're coming back for me

'cause even though you left me here
I have nothing left to fear
These are only walls that hold me here
Hold me here, hold me here

One day soon I'll hold you like the sun holds the moon
And we will hear those planes overhead
And we won't have to be scared
We won't have to be scared,
We won't have to be scared

You're coming back for me