I bet you are wondering what kind of a nin-come poop would be siting at his laptop at a little before 2 am on a Friday night (technically a Saturday morning) and typing down his thoughts???
Me of course!
If you are wondering why, well it could be because of my wild ass roller coaster day today. And I bet you think you are going to hear about my day. WRONG! This journal is about me right now. Sorry. Today and tonight will remain a secret!
But first, I missed my Friday shout outs. Bear with me as I am totally fucked up right now.
Lovelygirl – I love you, and you are a great friend. I would kill or die for you without a thought, and I already proved that once before. We've been there for each other for 12 years now. But damn girl, I am me. I do pretty much want I want. If it’s fucked up then it’s my fucked up. If it’s wrong then it’s my problem. Please, just be my friend and accept me as I am.
Banana-rama – I am soooo happy for you I can’t even put it into words. Do you know that feeling you get in your gut when you see your man? I am so happy you feel that. Luv ya sis!
Martel – You once said I scared you. I can’t tell you how that messed me up. I seriously don’t want to ever scare anyone again. I care about you. Oh, is that bodyguard position still open? :)
HMPOA – Ok, I will take the Texans Sunday and even give you 2 points. Same bet as last time? Ummmm.
Sunshine – Someone once told me that you make me at peace. With what is happening in my life today, I hope that is true. But you are my rock, so quit doubting yourself and stressing. My great grandparents are watching over you, and they are bigger bad asses than any of us. You will be fine . . . as usual.
Niki-cole – You are about to hear that I didn’t make it to Dallas, Still luv me? Please?
Ok, Back on point. I am sitting in a hotel room in New Braunfels. Did you know that you can get a good room here for $35, yet the same room in SA is $85? Fuck it, I will drive the 15 minutes. Anyway, I am messed up, been dancing, and now sit here with one doober and 3 beers left. I told Lovelygirl and Banana-Rama that I wasn’t going to go anywhere tonight. Yet here I sit.
[BUT . . . . I didn't go where you told me not to go!]
I’ve got a tough decision to make. I made promises to three of you that there was something I wouldn’t do again. But when I look at my life today, I think that maybe doing those things are what I am really meant to be. I mean seriously, it’s the only thing I’ve been successful at being. I was a jock and fucked that up with drugs, sex, and injuries. I had three businesses and sold them, yet I am still cash poor. I hate my current job because I am over-qualified. So maybe this is what I am supposed to do.
As my beautiful, sexy and brilliant friend Sunshine would say, I am going "off-grid" for a while. I am not nutso or anything, I just need to sort some shit out. You know, like Colonel Trautman told John Rambo, "You can never come full circle until you realize what you are meant to be."
[Sick of my movie quotes yet?]
I guess I won’t come full circle until I accept what I was meant to be. And maybe until I do I won’t find what I need. Or maybe it won't find me.
I am heading back out now. I still have drunk friends wanting to go back to SA. Think about me once?
FYI, this is what I am lisening to. Hope it moves you too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51echqJzukU
Ciao!
~ A yellow rose for my yellow rose ~
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