Yesterday was a really strange day for me. I think I was actually . . . . ummm . . . . errr . . . . hmmm . . . . depressed a little bit. I’m not sure because I don’t think it’s happened before, but it was a strange feeling.
I am happy that I am getting my investment back from this company and that I now have an opportunity to start something new, or just get a job that’s calm and quiet and use the money to travel. But it’s is sad to leave something I built, and all the people I’ve known here.
My divorce becomes final this week as well. Again, it’s a necessary evil but it is sad that I did something to make someone dislike me so much that a relationship comes to an end. I mean we did have a ton of good times, and two great kids . . . . well grown men now.
And Mustang has been really quiet too. It makes me wonder about my relationship with her. I know that she is in the final stages of closing on her house, which is her life’s dream. She is probably very busy with all that, and I know it’s a very stressful time with which to cope. But I would like to hear from her.
And yes, I even miss Sunshine. I know that she is all wrong for me and a relationship would only be a one-sided arrangement. And I know I don’t do those, especially when the one side isn’t my way. But she is right here and I did love talking to her. Heck, she works 5 minutes from me and lives only about 30 minutes away, so it was convenient to get together.
I think what I need to do is bury myself in making this new business work out. But the problem I have is that I have no idea how much money I will end up getting for my investment. It may be enough to take some chances, but it may be so little that I have no chance. As for getting a job (urgh), I haven’t interviewed since 1988 or even put together a resume. And I already know that I SUCK at being an employee.
Maybe I should just plan an amazing weekend. I would love to spend the weekend with Mustang, but I have a feeling she will be really busy. It would be nice to meet up with Sunshine, but for some reason the thought of being around her now just isn’t the same; and I don’t know if it will ever be the same again. The chick in SA contacted me and asked if I was ever coming her way again. A weekend of sex that is all about me would be nice; but I am sort of in need of a connection I think.
ARGH!
I enjoy having a life that is complicated and unsure. But I have always had one sure thing to keep me grounded . . . . and today that is missing.
Thoughts?
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