"Delayed Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome"
[Big words, huh?]
It was Tuesday night which means I meet with that shrink dude. I was told tonight’s discussion was to be about my lack of patience. So the SOB has me waiting in his reception area for 20 minutes. I left, I don’t wait long. Yup, I have ZERO patience.
The guy caught up to me in the parking garage. That is where he tells me that he was obligated to turn his notes over to the bureau. Apparently I am now some sort of a threat to myself. And by doing that my life will become a matter of public record.
[And I thought I was doing great!]
Naturally I am pissed. He doesn’t work for them anymore. He hung his own shingle. Personally I think it’s because as of next week I have to start paying this guy if I keep going.
[He didn’t like when I said that then, and I’m sure he hates it that I’ve said it again to you]
So we had our session in the parking garage. Now most of you have never seen me angry. I pick someone or something and I begin pushing. I will push and push until I get a reaction. Then, once the object has reacted . . . . I lunge.
[No, I didn’t attack my shrink!]
I am now told that I am experiencing “Delayed Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome”. Hey, the symptoms are nightmares, lack of sleep, aggressiveness, anger, and significant confusion. Shit, that’s been me my whole life.
But wait Sports Fans, it gets better.
He believes that my previous job is not the cause of my mental illness. Nope, it’s what happened at 12 years old. According to him that one event pushed me way beyond my limits and caused me to become the supposedly violent person that I became. He claims that is why he wanted me to tell you, my close friends, and he said it was most important to share it with Sunshine. Apparently he believes that we have some sort of an emotional connection.
[But wait . . . . it gets EVEN better!]
Apparently I’ve had two triggers that have caused me to (on occasion) lose touch with reality. And one of those triggers was the rather tumultuous yet emotional relationship with Sunshine. Thus the reason I was supposed to talk to her.
[Lord, that woman is haunting me]
So apparently all his urging of me to talk and / or apologize to Sunshine for the recent events was for me to get some peace. He claims it will take years of therapy to make me think like all of you think, but it needs to start with making peace with her.
The only problem with that scenario is that I have no urge to speak to her and she has no interest in EVER speaking to me again. So, being the rather bright guy that I am, I ask the multi-million dollar question . . . .
Do I get to stop staying awake 24 hours a day to avoid my nightmares, and randomly having this urge to pick fights IF I don’t speak to Sunshine?
I mean I am working hard on a relationship with Sandra, even though I feel like I’ve lost my footing. According to the “boy genius”, I can never have a successful relationship with my mind back in 1972 and the events that occurred, coupled with having the pleasure of travelling the world just to put bullets in men’s chests.
[Do I REALLY seem “looney tunes” to any of you?]
As usual I see things my way, simply because I have a higher IQ than most. I don’t need shrinks or people to talk to. I don’t need to “share” the unusual events of my past. No one needs to know what a 12 year old punk kid is capable of doing, and how a 12 year old can handle VERY adult problems.
So I did the only logical thing. I stopped on my way home, bought a bottle of Jack Daniels, hid my phone, hugged my dog, and decided to have a few drinks. Well, first I wrote this crap; but in less than an hour I will be numb again.
FUCK!
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