My Journal #359 - RESPECT

Respect

 

I’ve had an unusual life, but it’s been a thrill a minute. I’ve done things that embarrassed me. I’ve done things that scared me. I’ve done things that now keep me awake at night. I’ve done amazing things. And I’ve done good and bad things.

 

Yet through it all I had respect for myself.

 

Anything in life can be taken away from you. But respect is the only thing that can’t be taken. You literally have to give it up in order to lose it. Additionally, anything in life can be replaced . . . except your respect. Once you lose the respect in yourself, others will lose respect in you. Once you are not respected then you are lost. Once you are lost, you become a “thing” and not a person. And “things” can never find true happiness.

 

I’ve met people that had no respect for themselves. In every case there was some mental disorder that allowed them to give it up, and to begin lying to themselves about who they were. These people were always drawn to other people that have no respect for themselves. I guess it’s their way of justifying themselves. But it just draws them down lower.

 

Last night I spoke of the 12 year old me. And yes, something major did happen. I’m still not ready to discuss those events, but I can tell you that it made me want to be THAT GUY that is always there for anyone. Those events made me want to keep my mind and body sharp, and to “keep my head on a swivel”; always looking for people in trouble.

 

And over the years I became THAT GUY who truly believed he could save anyone. I even began to believe that I could be THE ONE GUY that could give people their respect back to them. I always felt I was bigger and better than most, so through will, or physical force, or intellectual conversations I could restore respect in those lost souls.

 

I would fight, and fight more. Helping these people became my obsession. I couldn’t rest, I couldn’t live my life, and I couldn’t quit until I had succeeded.

But life is constantly teaching us lessons. Some lessons are good and some are bad; but all are critical. The lesson I have learned recently is that some people will never respect themselves. And no matter what I do or how hard I try, I will fail with certain people.

 

I’m not capable of accepting failure. I know it happens and it’s obviously happened to me. But because it exists doesn’t mean that we have to accept it. So here I stand at a cross-road. Have I learned a new life lesson; and is that lesson that I must accept failure when it comes to proving to people their self worth. Or do I just continue to be me; THAT GUY who never quits trying.

 

For those that know me, I ask for your help.

 

I deeply cared for someone, but we just never could connect. I have given up on trying. This person has a couple of friends that care for them too. They too finally told me to quit, that this person is too far gone to bring back. Yet last night one of them reached out to me again. My last Vision Quest told me that I am needed, and I am the only hope. (Ok, that is my mystical thing but it’s always proven to be true). And now the shrink dude tells me he will hold his notes, and keep them to himself, if I try one more time to reconcile with that person; and then do what I need to do for them.

 

So the help I need is a simple answer to a question.

 

In this one person’s case, DO I CONTINUE AS A QUITTER?