So . . . . right after I posted my journal I got an email reminder that I had an appointment with that shrink dude. We will give him a pen name of Doc.
With the mood I was in, a visit to Doc was not something for which I looked forward. But then I thought that this is the type of shit he’s supposed to deal with. So after work I stopped by for a chat.
He agreed that I have a lot of stuff going on right now. But he pointed out, and I agreed, that I handle stress and multi-tasking better than most. So he wasn’t convinced that my “mood” (he had a scientific word for it, but I don’t like it) was due to something else. He tried to get me to see it, but I was distracted. So he spelled it out for me.
I have ALWAYS been a loner. I prefer being alone and simply seeking out people and companionship ONLY when I am in the mood. But a few years ago I had this urge to have someone special in my life. I figured it would be easy, since I’ve always gotten anything I wanted. But I slowly learned that you can’t get stronger, faster or brighter and win someone’s heart.
He said most people realize this in Junior High School, but I didn’t.
He said about the time I decided I wanted someone in my life, someone showed up. She made me think that she cared and wanted what I wanted. And for the first time I was “scammed”. So in a small time frame I faced a lifestyle change and I learned that I could be lied to. And, being what and who I am I just kept fighting for someone even after it was a lost cause.
[Whatever?]
After this realization I found someone that was basically the opposite of the person that “scammed” me. But me being me, I want everything now. He thinks I may have scared the second attraction off by being too aggressive.
[Really?]
So I give up. I need help. So either Sasha, SuzyQ, Martel, Banana Rama, Eves, HMPOA or Kat needs to call Mustang and just tell her how GREAT I am!!!!!!!
I’m kidding.
Seriously Doc, I am kidding.
[The jerk reads my journals ya know]
Anyway, his suggestion to me was to NOT give up on Mustang. I just need to slow down a bit. So seriously, HOW THE FUCK DO I SLOW DOWN????
I still say I’m just destined to be a barfly that picks up hefty, skanky sluts in bars. I’m just not cut out for this relationship crap.
But DAMN I sure would like to try it someday.
And there is one more thing. I will be on TV in 5 months. Some chef / star was at the tailgate celebration Sunday. He has a show on the Food Network and is supposedly very popular. Anyway, he showed up while I was preparing ribs and chicken. And he brought a camera crew of about 12 people.
So brace yourself for seeing in my boot and jeans, no shirt (Hey, it was hot) and my old horse breaking hat on TV soon.
I still think I am depressed. Urgh!
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