My Journal 063

For those of you that know Kat, I went to see her after work last night. She sends her love and said, “Tell my bitches to stay in line”. She is doing ok, all things considered. As fate would have it, Banana-rama and I watched one of those scared straight shows last night. Please send your prayers her way.

Ok, my weekly shout outs:

Banana-rama – Thanks again for being so cool last weekend. Our chat may have been embarrassing, but very important. And I have more to discuss if you are still cool.

LL – I guess this is another of those times that we don’t talk? I’m still here.

Lovelygirl – God, I soooo super missed you. And thanks for trying to reach out to my friend.

Suze – No / Yes / Austin.

Icyrose – Hello?????

If you remember, I visited Mexico a week ago. This trip was basically just to “hamper” a distribution service. We tore up some roads, etc. I was shot at for the first time in like 20 years, but it was a farmer. I guess he thought I was trespassing or something.

Anyway, I asked each of you, in one form or another, a question pertaining to the concept of would you do badly for enough money. All but one responded with a definite “NO”. The other response was a series of questions about the evil deed. This is why I asked that question.

I was with this guy one night and we were destroying the entrance to a bridge. I had physically met with some of the bad guys and had a decent idea of their schedules, so no vehicles should be around us on this night. And I listened to how much money these guys made. It really made me ponder my choices.

I have always stood up for those that couldn’t do it themselves. I have always had this thought in my head that I am a good and decent guy. I have had my moments, but it was for the good of others when I was evil. Yet I thought about me being good and my current situation. I have a job I hate, I’m single because everyone thinks I screw every female within 300 miles of me, I have to sleep in a tent, in the cold, with ex-cons just because I have no cash and need money, I finally started caring about someone and I fucked it up, I have almost no friends . . . . basically life sucks.

Now I am speaking with these guys and they have no respect for women, morals, or relationships. They have sex with smoking hot chicks every single night. They have nice houses. They have tons of cash. They drink almost all the time, but are never drunk. I started thinking that maybe I chose the wrong path in life. This is why I asked each of you that question.

Anyway, the guy I am with on this particular night is ill. So he leaves. I am alone working in the hills. Suddenly a truck comes down the road. I panic. Now let me explain one more thing. I NEVER carry a weapon of any type. Not even a slingshot. This is probably a stupid rule since I suck at fighting. And I will not ever hurt (or worse) anyone again unless it is a life or death situation. So I am alone, unarmed, tired and cold when I see this truck. And yes, it is a transportation truck.

I manage to get them to swerve off of the road, where the guy inside bails and runs. Now the truck is parked in the woods about 50 feet from the road. And it is loaded with product. I do as my team had agreed and destroy the truck with its contents. But because of my recent epiphany, I remove one large container and bury it about a quarter of a mile deeper in the woods. I am the only person on earth that knows the location.

Here is my logic for this action. I am not sure if I can be a bad guy or not. But I am sort of sick of being such a nice guy and always getting fucked over by women, etc. So, by removing some product and stashing it where no one will ever find it but me, I now have a life time to decided if I want to be different. Based on my subsequent discussions, my guess is that I have hidden a little over a million dollars worth of product, that everyone else in the world believes is destroyed.

If I choose to continue being a nice guy and always getting fucked, then the product remains buried and no one is ever hurt. But if one day I decide I want money, booze and all the sex I can handle . . . all I have to do is retrieve it.

So today I ask each of you again an important question. If you could split a million dollars that no one knows exists, but in doing so would be aware that strangers as well as possibly your friends and / or family could be harming themselves due to your actions, what would you be willing to do to get it.

Would you lie?

Would you harm someone?

Would you prostitute yourself for a half of a million dollars?

No one would miss me if I vanished. Each of you has a network of friends and family. Would you be able to vanish?

This is what is on my mind today. Well this and one other thing that is a secret. Don’t respond here. Email me at illogical69@live.com and let me know.

Finally, I leave you with the lyrics to my personal all time favorite rock and roll Ballad. Great White’s Rock Me.

Sweet little baby, you don't have to go
Little baby, tell me you won't go
We'd be so good together if we had the time
Bein' alone's a nowhere state of mind

Lovin' ain't no crime, oh no
I see your man ain't here.
He don't care
And when the night is gone I will move on
Got to find a way to face another day

I search the world for someone I'll never find
Someone who ain't the hurtin' kind
If you stay the night.
We'll make the wrong seem right
So come on now...

Rock me
Rock me
Roll me through the night
We'll burn in love tonight

Sweet little baby, oh don't you go
You ain't so innocent, I know
I know your heart's like mine, oh yeah
And I will find the time to make you mine
And if your love goes bad, if it makes you sad
I'll be back for more at your door

Before the mornin' light,
we'll burn with love tonight

And when your man don't care, I will be there
Still be lovin' real good love...
There is no wrong or right, gonna fall in love
There's nothing left to do,
but make sweet love to you

Have a safe weekend! I love ya’ll!!!!