Someone asked me once if I were seeing anyone. I said no. It’s strange that this small conversation from 8 months ago can start me thinking like I did last night.
Looking back, I don’t think I was ever asked that question before or since. After all the people I’ve met in my life and all the time I’ve been with people, dating or just hanging out; no one else ever asked me that question. That may not seem odd to you, but to me it is. You see that is usually a question I ask when I begin to connect with someone. I’ve asked it hundreds of times.
So I was wondering why I haven’t been asked it more. I figure it is either because people may think that this particular question may be too personal to ask someone that you just met. Perhaps that is true. But if it is then why had I been asked to “get out of here for a while”, “go somewhere private”, or “do you have your own place” so many times. I think that those questions would be far more personal.
I believe that this is not the reason at all. I truly believe that people today just don’t want to know. I believe that the manta today is “don’t ask and you won’t have to know”. And maybe that is the current acceptable practice. But to me it really isn’t. I ask because if they are “seeing someone” then I feel I have the obligation to be respectful of the individual that they are seeing. What I mean is that if they are “seeing someone” then I will walk away and not go farther. I don’t know the person that they are seeing, but for some odd reason I believe I have the obligation to respect that relationship between them.
I don’t consider myself old fashion. I just believe that if I were seeing someone (and I don’t mean that I had been on one date) that I would hope others would be respectful of me. What is that Golden Rule?
“DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU”
Geez, my god was a pretty smart cookie.
Now here is the rub. When I was asked that question, on that night, I was excited to say that I currently wasn’t seeing someone. I would assume that most people would be slightly embarrassed to say they are not currently seeing someone. I mean who wants the stigma that they have NO ONE. But to me that isn’t embarrassing, it is truthful.
If I had been “seeing someone” I would have told this nice lady. I would have been up front and honest. It wouldn’t mean that I couldn’t chat with them, laugh with them, or have a drink with them. But it would let them know that they shouldn’t ask me to go “someplace private” with them.
Getting back to the night I was asked this question, I was beginning to like this lady. When she asked that question I was happy to answer it with a “No”. I wanted to see this person again, with a clear conscious. I would have enjoyed going “someplace private” with this lady. I really thought answering as I did was a good thing.
But do people today prefer to see someone that is already seeing someone else? I’ve noticed that dating today is more about living in the moment, with no regard for tomorrow. Maybe people don’t ask that question today because they would prefer someone who is seeing someone else, so that they could “play” tonight and know that there would be no strings tomorrow.
This boggles my mind.
Anyway, I was happy to answer “NO”. And for the past few months I avoided beginning a relationship. I did this because if I ever saw this lady again, and she asked me again, I wanted to reply in the same fashion. Yes, I did ask her on that night and she said she was not seeing anyone either.
(Don’t ask me if she was lying. We have to trust, right?)
Yet even if this question is asked to you today, what motivation do you have to be honest? You are with someone you just met, maybe just chatting in a bar, and I bet you a dollar you are lying to them about something. But did you ever think about the “what if”?
What if you end up really connecting with this person? At some point you would have to come clean about anything you “fluffed” in your initial conversations. And this coming clean approach may then change the person’s opinion of you. Your only other option at this point is to continue the fib, to protect your share of a potential relationship. But a relationship will ultimately fail if it is built on a lie.
So why fib at all? Again, I believe it is this current concept of “what can you do for me right now”.
I do enjoy the “right now”, but I also understand that there is a tomorrow and another day after that. The sun always rises again. And I personally don’t want to try to keep up with any fibs I may have told the previous night.
Am I wrong?
The impetus for this topic is that I have a date tonight. It is with someone that has suggested we get together before. I said no previously. I had a few reasons, but my main reason was simply so that I wanted to answer that question in the same fashion if the lady I was with on that night 8 months ago asked me again.
I guess that is sort of the way I roll.
Everything is normal, right? Well there is one more catch. For the past few months I have been designing a perfect date for the girl I talked to 8 months ago. I literally spent hours on the phone arranging not only specific reservations, but the specific table, and how things were to be arranged. I had planned an entire afternoon and evening. But last week I canceled it all. No big deal, it just didn’t work out and it was my call.
But what if tonight I am asked if I am seeing someone? I’m not, but in my mind I will know that I wanted to and was going to. How should I answer that question? I guess if I NEVER plan on speaking to the previous lady again I can honestly respond that I am not seeing anyone. But if in my mind I would like to see her again how should I respond?
Now we are getting into specific definitions. Argh!
Well, let’s just hope that tonight’s lady is like everyone else and doesn’t ask that question, because I don’t know how I would answer. If you are wondering if I will ask this lady that same question . . . . I already did.
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