My Journal 068

This has been a VERY strange week for me. Many words can be used to describe it; words such as realization, disappointment, excitement, rejuvenation, confusion, and respect. I can’t explain, but it has been a nightmare and a blessing.

We have a new weekend, so here are my weekly shout outs!

Bananarama – Hope you enjoy our fair city and tell sis hello for me.

Kat – It has been GREAT being able to speak to you again. Things will work out . . I believe!

Lovely girl – Thanks for ALL the support and comfort. I love having you in my life again; especially now.

LL – Love to the grandkids, and thanks for the jokes.

Icyrose – My only wish was that I could have found out what it takes to earn enough respect from you to just talk to me.

So my date was alright. A lot of shit happened that was just a mess though. But I don’t discuss my “love life”. Yet something happened that I do want to share.

At one point I was standing outside of a club. I was a bit frustrated from the night, and as I mentioned above very frustrated with the events of the past few weeks. This guy, a stranger who had been sitting at the table where I had been, comes outside to find me and have a conversation. He starts this conversation with the phrase, “So what is your problem?”

Huh?

First, I had no problems I was just frustrated and having a bad time. Second, what kind of a conversation starter is that? Third, did this moron not realize that I was like a powder keg ready to explode and he was waving around a match? Seriously!

I simply turned my back and walked away.

Guess what? He was persistent! He followed me and said, “Hey buddy, I am talking to you!”

Now, I was not his “buddy” and I hate how people use that phrase when they are too ignorant to come up with a better phrase. And for the record, in my world just because someone speaks to me does not mean I am obligated to speak to them. Sorry . . . . buddy!

I calmly explain both of these points to this ignorant moron. I did move very close to him, invading his personal space, just to accentuate my points. Once I could see the understanding in his eyes, and the fear I intentionally gave to him, I again turned to walk away.

Now he grabs my arm, attempting to turn me towards him again, as he extends his hand as if he wanted to shake.

Huh?

Hey moron! If I don’t want to speak to you then I DEFINITELY don’t want to shake your hand. I stare him down again and for the third time turn to walk away. This guy has no idea the amount of restraint I am having to conjure up.

THEN, he proceeds to lecture me about how in Texas it is a sign of respect to shake hands.

Huh?

This moron is going to lecture me, a born and raised Texas country boy, on the “rules” of being a Texan? Ok, even I have my limits. DON’T MESS WITH TEXAS! I needed a release and this guy was begging me to break his jaw. So now it’s on.

But hold the phones Bat-fans. My phone begins to vibrate. I don’t know why, but I stop to read a text message. Odd huh? Hey, I had this guy without breaking a sweat so why not check messages first. Anyway, the person texting was one of my priorities.

As unbelievable as it may sound, it was from the one person that has caused so much confusion in my life. I hadn’t heard from this person in a week, and yet NOW they decide to text? It was baffling. But it wasn’t uncommon.

As much as this person confounds me, they have somehow found a way to get my attention every single time I am about to do something really stupid. It’s like they have a camera hidden next to my Johnson or something. I guess everyone has a purpose in life, and this person purpose may have always been just to keep my ass out of trouble.

Anyway, I was able to walk away laughing at my message, which by now had become two messages. I’m sure the moron had no idea what I was doing, and was probably convinced I was insane. But who gives a crap what he thinks?

Sometimes you just have to say, “What the fuck!”

I think I’ll throw in a Phil Collins “diddy” to help you understand where my head and heart are today. Enjoy!

I Don't Care Anymore – Phil Collins

Well you can tell everyone I'm a down disgrace
Drag my name all over the place - I don't care anymore.
You can tell everybody 'bout the state I'm in
You won't catch me crying 'cos I just can't win -

I don't care anymore
I don't care anymore

I don't care what you say
I don't play the same games you play.
'cos I've been talking to the people that you call all your friends
And it seems to me there's a means to an end - they don't care anymore.
And as for me I can sit here and bide my time
I got nothing to lose if I speak my mind

I don't care anymore
I don't care no more

I don't care what you say

We never played by the same rules anyway.
I won't be there anymore
Get out of my way - let me by
I got better things to do with my time

I don't care anymore
I don't care anymore

Well I don't care now what you say
'cos everyday I'm feeling fine with myself.
And I don't care now what you say
hey - I'll do alright by myself 'cos I know.
'cos I remember all the times I tried so hard
And you laughed in my face 'cos you held all the cards

I don't care anymore.

And I really ain't bothered what you think of me
'cos all I want of you is just a let me be

I don't care anymore

d'you hear I don't care no more
I don't care what you say

I never did believe you much anyway
I won't be there no more
so get out of my way - let me by
I got better things to do with my time

I don't care anymore.

D'you hear I don't care anymore
I don't care no more.
You listening I don't care no more
no more.
You know I don't care anymore
don't care no more
no more