First, since NONE of you replied to my dating advice request I will assume that you don’t care. But for the record I did contact Cabana Girl, she couldn’t go out Friday night so we met last night, and I had a revelation which I will share next week.
Second, my guest writer bailed on me. Because of this there will be no journal tomorrow. Since tomorrow is my day though, I will instead describe for you today how the perfect birthday weekend would go if everything in the universe aligns properly, my god forgives me of all of my sins, and the sun rises in the WEST.
Ok, it is a FANTASY so if I write anything that offends any of you . . . get over it.
To begin with, each of my friends would give me the right to ask one question of each of them. They would HAVE to answer it honestly and hold no grudge for me asking. And no, I will not let you know today what questions I would ask. That gets to stay with me.
Ok, on to my fantasy birthday weekend. AND REMEMBER THIS IS JUST A FANTASY!
[Lord you guys are gonna hate me for this!]
I would wake up to find out that the SA chick has snuck into my room and proceeded to place her head in my lap (if you know what I mean). She is EXTREMELY good at this job. Now since you are mostly females you have no idea how this feels from a male perspective. It is amazing to begin with, but to actually wake up and find it going on is way beyond our farthest expectations.
Then I drag my ass to work (Yes, I do have to work on my birthday). I arrive to find that someone has made me Sunshine’s magical breakfast dessert and left a double size piece at my desk with a large cup of coffee. I literally stuff myself with this heavenly dish smiling the entire time.
Then, the owner (who is also my boss and partner) comes up to me and announces that because of my hard work in growing and maintaining this company he will raise me to what my market value would be. FYI, that would be a 200% pay increase. Then, on top of that he agrees to give me the back pay I’ve forfeited over the past 14 years and hands me a check for the difference.
Then he ACTUALLY says “Thank you” (Never heard him say that before EVER!)
I then check my email and find that Lovelygirl has sent me one of her amazingly hot stories. I become sooooo excited that I have to remain at my desk for over an hour after reading it. I mean this chick can burn up the paper with her words. Geez, I’m getting to excited just thinking about it.
Oh, and she includes another smokin’ hot picture!
Then I get a call from LL inviting me to lunch. Even though she works near me now, and always HAS to pick the place where we dine, I force her to let me take her somewhere this one time (I mean it is my birthday, right?). Well, actually it’s BOTH our birthdays. Hers is today and mine is tomorrow; and we have spent every birthday together since we met. . except for last year. So we go back to Kemah, where we went many years ago and had a fabulous time.
We spend our lunch chatting, laughing, and tossing around our usual sexual innuendo at a table outside on the dock. I mention the SA chick and make the comment that she is the reigning champion. Since LL is an Aries as well, she can’t refuse the challenge and we slip off for an hour of private time. This is just so I can honestly judge and hand out the trophy . . . honest?!?!?
Once I recuperate from the “private time”, I get a call from Kat saying she wants to have me over to her new place for one of our WILD ASS PARTY NIGHTS. I decide to cut work for the rest of the day and race over to Kat’s place. And trust me when I say that the word WILD is usually an understatement.
We party all night long. It’s rowdy, goofy, crazy and just plain fun. She has her partner with her and they invite more of their lesbian friends, who spend most of the evening massaging and kissing on each other.
I wake up the next morning half naked and wondering if I did in fact convert at least one lesbian.
I am heading back to my place for some much needed sleep, when I get a call from my best-est friend Banana-Rama. She is in town and wants to have lunch with me. I quickly shower to wash the smell of beer, tequila, cigarettes, and other smoke related odors from my body. I then race to the lunch location we agreed upon.
[FYI, I haven’t seen Banana-Rama live or in pictures for over four years so this is HUGE!]
As usual, she makes me smile from the very first moment. We eat chili cheese burgers, French fries and drink beer. Well, I drink beer while she has a glass of iced tea. We discuss our love lives, bash people, catch up on other people, and genuinely have a ball. Then being typical me, I remind her of a one-time promise and suggest that my birthday weekend is definitely not a good time to say no.
Due to the psychological pressure I apply and out of immense frustration, she finally concedes and reaches under the table. All the while she is sipping her tea with the other hand and looking around the restaurant to avoid being noticed, and still giving the impression of being a lady.
Afterwards (Ummm) I head back to my place. It is now a beautiful and sunny spring afternoon. So I slip on my swim trunks and head out to my pool for an afternoon of fun in the sun. And that is when I get my greatest surprise yet.
Sunshine is standing by the pool, clad in a very skimpy bikini, high heels and holding a pitcher of her very own margaritas. She has driven in just to celebrate my birthday with me. I am so DAMN happy!!!
We spend the entire afternoon talking, laughing, drinking, swimming and tanning. It is the perfect afternoon in the sun with rock music blaring. And seeing Sunshine in a bikini is a fantastic present. But we’re not through yet. I suggest we go out for dinner . . . . and she agrees.
We head inside to shower and change. (Yes, separate rooms . . I will explain later). Of course I am ready first so I help myself to a nice bourbon and coke; I mean it is after 5 by now. As I am relaxing with my drink, Sunshine enters the room. She is elegantly wardrobe in a stunning low cut dress and heels, and looks absolutely incredible.
We go to a quiet restaurant where we enjoy a quiet and romantic dinner for two. We have one of our “high level topic” discussions, bounce far reaching concepts off of each other, and basically have mental intercourse. It is the perfect dinner with the perfect date for me.
I return her to her vehicle so she can return to her place. Sorry ladies but she has someone else waiting up for her, so there will be no “private time” here. But I am still thrilled to have spent one day with her on a purely platonic basis. (Albeit in my mind I banged the crap out of her a dozen times!)
[Yes, she had a permission slip from her man or I wouldn’t have socialized with her!]
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