Do you ever wonder if your purpose in life is already complete and now you are just along for the ride?
I wonder about that all the time. I do believe that everyone has a specific “god given” purpose for being sent here. It could be something very tiny or it could be something extremely extraordinary. But we all have a purpose. What do you do when you purpose is done?
Maybe you are here to find a cure for cancer. Maybe you are here to solve the global budget crisis. Maybe you are here to assist with poverty. Or maybe you are here just to be at the right place at the right time ONE TIME to help one person. But we are all here for a purpose.
My fear is that this is my current plight. I had a very busy, complicated and extraordinary youth. By the time I was 21 I had done more things, seen more places, created more havoc, possibly saved more lives, and just been involved with more shit than most people face in a lifetime. I could have met my purpose years ago, and now I am just riding out the clock until I die.
I’m not sure how this all works though, but my guess is that once you have served your purpose and are simply going through the motions of life, that nothing else grand or spectacular will happen to you. Sure, you may be able to witness great things and watch as others fill their purpose. But what if after you have filled yours there is nothing left to get excited about in your life personally.
What does this mean to me you ask?
I never found love. Maybe that wasn’t my purpose. So now no matter how hard I try I will never find it. It just wasn’t in the GRAND PLAN. Maybe I’ll never be able to just be there for someone. I just don’t know. But it is very defeating if this is true.
And to add stink to the pile, I have no idea what if anything I may have done which could have been my purpose. Again, I have done a lot of things. I spent my younger life as the hero, the superstar, and the one everyone could count on. I don’t thrive on recognition, but I did love to hear my name being screamed out by people that wanted to be me.
It would mean the life I cherish is over and now I am destined to just bide my time and watch the days pass by. BORING!!!
So what keeps me going you ask?
Well, even though I have done a lot maybe I still haven’t served my purpose. Maybe all the things I did in the past were simply preparing me for my purpose. Maybe one day, during one of my tequila and marijuana weekends, I will suddenly imagine that cure for cancer. Maybe someday I will be asked to run for political office and I will transform a nation. Or maybe I will just be in the right place at the right time for one of you.
It worried me to believe that I have no purpose left. So I chose to hold out hope that even though I have already done all the things I did, that I still have that one big event in the works. I choose to believe that someday I will do something far greater than anything I have ever done before.
But if not, if I have already served my purpose, then I will spend the rest of my life stopping to smell the flowers. I will continue to search for that one person that I can trust implicitly. I will continue to look for that one person that makes me go “wow”, and that I make go “wow” also. I will continue my quest to learn love. To feel that feeling of knowing that someone is thinking about me, that I am their priority, and that they rush home to be with me.
It may simply be my “pipe dream”, but it’s my dream and I will follow it. And if there is nothing left for me, I won’t know it until I am dead. And there’s nothing I can do about it then, right?
I hope you find your purpose. And I hope that out there somewhere is a beautiful, bright, kind, loving, caring, sexy, and wonderful woman whose purpose in life is to let me know that love does exist.
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