I walked up on a private conversation yesterday. I did my usual and just kept walking, but the two females asked me to stop and give my opinion on the topic. After some clarification, I decided to give my simple philosophy. I never knew it was a unique philosophy though.
The topic was concerning one of the girls who was dating a guy. By dating she explained that they had been out about five times. This past weekend she was asked by another guy to have a drink, and she accepted. After she had agreed to the date, the guy she had been out with a few times asked her also. She told him she couldn’t go out. He pressed her as to why, so she finally told him she had another date. Her guy became angry and hung up.
She asked me if she was wrong. Here is my reply.
I believe that people are capable of taking care of themselves. That being said, I also believe that everyone has the right to do anything that they want. No matter the relationship, people have the right to do anything that they want. Period.
If I have been out with someone a few times, I have no cause to think that when I am not around that they are sitting at home looking at a picture of me. If I don’t ask for your time, then you should find something to entertain yourself. And even if I have asked for your time, and you have agreed; but then find a better arrangement then you should go do that.
All I ask is to keep me informed.
If I had been the guy that had gone out with this particular lady about five times, and I asked her out again, and she said no; I would like to know why but I have no right to an answer. The reason I would like to know is just so I can make intelligent decisions for me. For example, if she couldn’t go out because she was ill, I would probably send her something to help her pass the time. Even if she had another date, then I could go do whatever I wanted to do and do it with a clear conscious.
But whatever they do, if they choose to be honest, I won’t think less of them.
Getting back to the point about cancelling an already agreed to date, there is a time limit. That time limit is based on the purpose of the date, so the time limit is not fixed. For example, if the date was weekend trip to the Bahamas then the proper amount of notice to cancel may be a few weeks. But if the date was just drinks after work then a day should suffice.
Personally, I don’t enjoy being around a person that doesn’t make up their own mind and just do what they want to do. I have enough trouble making decisions for me; I don’t want to make decisions for someone else as well. I like the more “free-spirited” type.
I continued by explaining that in time this philosophy may change slightly, but the MAIN philosophy that everyone can and should do what they want applies regardless. As an example, I told them to suppose that a girl I was dating came to me and suggested that I only date her. Now suppose that I was inclined to agree. I would then negotiate an arrangement where I wouldn’t date anyone else, but I would expect reciprocity and / or additional honesty.
In this example I would only date the person to whom I made the promise. When I make a deal with someone I stick to it. I don’t ask later to get out of it, I just stick to it. Yet at the same time I still believe that the person I made the deal with has the right to do as they please. The only difference in this relationship is that now I believe I do have a right to know if the girl changes the deal.
Since we did make a deal I trust that the other party is adhering to the deal. I sort of expect that. But at the same time I also believe that I am not your daddy or your boss. Technically the girl still has the right to do anything that she wants to do. If we have a deal then I stick to it. If the deal changes then I do believe I have a RIGHT to know it changed. Then I can decide to do what is best for me, with a clear conscious.
In the above example, if there had been an existing exclusive arrangement between the girl and her guy then I believe that she has an obligation to inform him of her plans prior to going out with the other guy. She may have a personal moral obligation to remain exclusive, but that is her personal dilemma. She owes nothing to him other than honesty in my opinion. And regardless, the guy has no right to become angry. He does not own her.
[If he paid her for a date then that is a different story which I why I’ve NEVER used a hooker!]
Finally, if I were in an exclusive relationship and for whatever reason it just wasn’t working for me; then I would discuss it with the other party. I would never just break the arrangement. I would discuss why it’s not working, and attempt to negotiate a resolution that will improve my situation and be willing to give up additional consideration for my partner’s effort.
Apparently my philosophy is unique, and I didn’t realize it. I know guys are territorial, but I for one never assume I own anyone’s privates.
No comments:
Post a Comment