TUESDAY, AUG 7, 2012 – My Horoscope Hope is something that keeps the darkness at bay - until it ceases to offer any comfort. Sometimes you just have to let a particular door slam shut. Let one chapter of your life close in order to move forward with faith and confidence. Before you lies a new opportunity-filled future. Don't hang on to past issues because of pure sentiment if they are creating too much hurt.
I will hit my 300th journal this year. Can you believe it? Well, if you’ve read some of my past notes then you are aware that I am currently searching for love. I’ve been everything horrible in life that you could imagine, so I probably don’t deserve to be loved. I’ve never even been interested in love before as I just enjoyed random pleasure. But then I realized something was missing in my life, and sometime over the past few years I realized I was ready to love someone; and soon after that day I realized that I needed to be loved.
I just didn’t know who she was yet.
I included my horoscope for today above. I usually read the previous day’s horoscope and gage how accurate it was; and for entertainment purposes. But this one hit close to home and sort of rolls into my topic for today. Today I want to discuss love, from my perspective.
It seems everyone had their own definition of love. How love makes one person feel is different than how it makes someone else feel. Some people believe in love at first sight. Some people believe that true friendship can become love. And I even met a person once that claimed they didn’t believe in love at all.
The shit of it all is that when I finally found someone that interested me visually, mentally, physically and sexually; it turned out to be the chick that claimed not to believe in love.
[Just my fuckin’ luck!]
I’m not 100% sure I believe that this person really doesn’t believe in love. I figure she got her heart broken at some point and this is her defense mechanism. I believe she claims not to believe in love in an attempt to not have to ever express her emotions again. Or it could just be that she doesn’t feel for me like I expressed for her, and she is trying to protect my feelings.
[Again, do I look like I need my feelings protected?]
But she was the FIRST one that made me go WOW!
Oh, confession time too. For years I wrote letters and emails to this girl. But in December of last year she told me to stop sending her letters. She told me she would let me know why later, and as usual she never did. But being a respectful man I stopped sending her letters as she asked. But she never said to stop writing. So I set up a second blog and would post my letters to her there. I’m not sure why I did that, but I seemed to get pleasure thinking that someday she would find those letters and say “awww”!
[Doubt it!]
I stopped writing a few weeks ago. I have no idea what I will do with all those old letters.
As I think about it, there is a bit of sadness on my part. But there is also some excitement. Maybe like my horoscope said, “before you lies new opportunities”. I will continue to search for another one that makes me go WOW. And I will find her someday because I always get what I want. But while I am searching, why can’t I still hang out with this chick. We do have fun, and we do get along.
Yup, I’m sort of excited.
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