Sorry kids, but I need to write one more day about me and get all this crap out of my head once and for all. Then I will get back to being obnoxious and illogical.
[I’m sure you are sooooo thrilled!]
There was a time in my life where having a pattern was dangerous. My training and work were geared around constant change. It was encouraged in my personal life as well. If I enjoyed a certain coffee in the morning, then I should go to different places every morning to get it. And if I ever went to the same place twice, I should take different routes each time.
[Hey, it kept me alive when 9 of the 13 didn’t make it home!]
I wrote recently how I have now found that I am truly a creature of habit today. I get up at the same time seven days a week; I have the same breakfast, and so on. I never imagined myself being this way, yet here I am.
[Boring!]
Ok, for those of you that haven’t read between the lines; I sort of forced Sunshine to tell me if I have wasted the last few years of my life being there for her. She is the one I talked about that told me she would never commit to anyone again. Whether I believe that is BS or not is another issue. The issue for today is how my patterns are changing.
[But I don’t buy her story because she has been in and out of relationships since we met!]
Since she admitted that I had wasted all my time with her, I left work very early yesterday, and I never leave early. Everyone thought I was ill or something. I wasn’t ill; I just needed to be alone for a while. Seriously, for the better part of two years I worked my ass off to impress this chick. I’ve asked the question before yet she refused to answer. I was sort of mad that she didn’t tell me the truth two years ago when I asked.
[Urgh, back to my patterns . . .]
Next, I walked up to my room and turned off the lights. Ok, it was only 4:00 pm and the sun was still up. But for a guy that never sleeps or can’t sit still, I was in my bed from 4:00 pm until 3:45 am. I spent the entire night planning out my weekend. And even though I am sort of anal, I haven’t planned a weekend in years. I always left things vague in case Sunshine was available.
[What a dumb ass I was!]
I did doze off for an hour or so. And when I woke my first thought was the same first thought I have had for years. So I lied there and forced myself to think of other thoughts. I even got out my laptop and browsed the internet just to see different things. That was when I remembered that in my lost mood last night I did some positive things. I actually called a close friend and asked her out for Friday night. And she even said yes!
[Hey, other than Sunshine ALL of my date request are accepted!]
Then I remembered that I had gone to my dating page and actually asked a rather well endowed young lady to spend the day at my pool Saturday and have dinner with me Saturday night. And one more thing, so don’t be judging. I remembered that I called one of my “sure thing” friends and just told her what I wanted. She said yes and to come on down anytime.
[I guess I’m really sort of a go-getter when I quit thinking!]
So my plan is to have drinks with an old friend Friday night, and return to her place. I will then have the dating site chick over Saturday. (Young lady, big boobs, and a bikini!) If that works out she will stay for dinner and whatever; and I will go to SA Sunday. But if we don’t click, then I will make an excuse to leave the dating site chick and head to SA Saturday night for an evening of raucous entertainment.
I have changed my pattern!
I still will have many more rough moments, you see I may have actually been falling in love with that chick. (I can't believe I just wrote that, but I think it is true) But I get over shit quickly and the best way for me to do it is to replace the one thought with numerous thoughts.
[Wow, possibly my first love ever and pick a chick that claims not to believe in love?]
And mainly for me I need to remember that EVERYONE wants a relationship with me, so if she doesn’t . . . . .
It’s her mistake!
And it's her ignorance!
And it's her loss!
And it will suck for her when I do fall in love someday with someone else!
Ok, I'm cool now!
No comments:
Post a Comment