My Journal 058

“Sometimes you just have to say WHAT THE FUCK!”

I think that this line is uttered by a very young Tom Cruise in a movie called ‘Risky Business’ a decade or two ago. But it still rings true. Sometimes you just have to do it.

I mean life is a bitch sometimes. It will beat you down to the ground. You try to keep integrity, honor, and a good sense of humor because that is what is expected. You can’t be a jerk, or a letch, or a bastard as it is “bad”. But why?

If you demand something then you are pushy. If you force something then you are a jerk. If you don’t give up then you are crazy.

Why not just say, “What the fuck” and do whatever you want. Ok, there are laws that dictate what you can and can’t do. But so what? You do the crime and you do the time. It’s a cost of doing business. People steal millions and then get caught. They pay back about half, spend a few years detained, and walk out rich. That’s our system.

So why not follow that in life? Why not do what you want when no one is looking? Oh, there is a moral code. But who really follows that when no one is paying attention. You have to face you maker someday, right? You will have to explain all the crap you did when you were alone, and all the lies you told, and all the people you cheated, and all the people that you used. Really??? Is that a deterrent?

Here’s another line from an old movie with Tom Berringer (No, I’m not nostalgic. I spent the weekend doing nothing but watching football and old movies.) It was the sequel to Sniper, and Berringer was in Afghanistan. A man asked him if he trusted the guy who is supposed to be helping them get out. Berringer then replied, “I’ve never trusted anyone, that’s why I am still here.”

So, what the fuck?

I spent over 40 years never trusting anyone, keeping my thoughts to myself, and avoiding contact unless I desired it. For 40 years I did great! I was the deep and dark person. I was invisible to most people. I was aggressive and forceful, but since no one knew me it was always a sneak attack.

I was the over achiever. I was the one people counted on in a pinch. I was the one who was the star. Was it only because no one knew me? If I was like everyone else, would I have still been that guy? Today I doubt it.

I decided to put some of my thoughts into words. I decide to select a few individuals and actually tell them the truth. I figured that this would humanize me, and make me a better person. Then I chose to put them out for the world to see.

Hmmmm?

Maybe I am wrong. Maybe people use my thoughts against me. Maybe they think that they have me figured out so now they can use what they know to improve themselves. Maybe sharing your thoughts and feelings are truly a weakness that others can prey on.

So today I say, WHAT THE FUCK!

Good bye.