I am doing better now. Actually someone said that they miss me. Sure, it was probably just an off-handed comment and meant nothing. But I can pretend, right?
“Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”
I guess this describes one of my weaknesses. I find people that are challenged and I seem to find myself wanting to be THE ONE that can make things different. I want to be the one that shows them the light I guess. I’m the one that wants to break down the wall and say “Hello”.
What I am finding is that there are two types of people that put up walls. Those that don’t want anyone to break it down because they like the way they are; and those that put up the wall to hide something. It could be their fears, or it could be something much worse. In either case, they too don’t want anyone breeching their wall. So why do I try?
Maybe it is because of whom I was or who I became, I have this need to be the one that won’t give up when everyone else has given up. I mentioned recently that I was stressing over actually giving up on someone for the first time in my life. Two of my friends fought me tooth and nail not to become a quitter, especially on something as important as a person.
I chose not to give up thanks to their help. I did change my approach with this person considerably though. But in all honesty, I am glad I didn’t give up on them. I have no idea what is going on in their life. I assume everything is wine and roses for them today. But since I don’t know it could be more like spoiled milk and poison ivy. I just couldn’t give up on someone that is dealing with that. I guess time will tell, right?
“True friendship isn't about being there when it's convenient; it's about being there when it's not.”
Something that sort of bothers me is “convenient friends”. These are those people who fake a friendship most of the time, simply pretending to be caring and giving lots of lip service; yet never really wanting to be a friend when it’s not convenient. Then when they need something they instantly become your best friend and can’t understand why you would even consider hesitating on doing what they need.
I mentioned before that when I consider someone a friend, and they need something then I will move heaven and earth to get it for them without delay. I will put aside any other personal tasks or challenges that I have and focus completely on their request. But as I think about it, maybe that is just me. Maybe I do expect too much and strive too hard for a friend.
So if I am wrong then it shouldn’t bother me that when I need something and I ask a friend that they refuse to acknowledge my request. Maybe to the rest of the world friends needs aren’t more important than my current needs and wants. I am debating this among all my personalities and I’ll let you know how it turns out.
“There are three types of friends: those like food, without which you can't live; those like medicine, which you need occasionally; and those like an illness, which you never want.”
I found this quote interesting also. I find it odd that the writer came up with three types of friends. I too put all people in three distinct categories. My categories are titled differently; but I think that the explanations are similar.
My category three is call the “Nobody’s”.
These are people that don’t matter to me. It includes all the people I’ve never met and don’t know exist as well as all the people I’ve met and don’t give a rat’s ass about their well being. Either they don’t matter at all or they once mattered a little, but somehow seriously pissed me off to the point that I never think about them again.
I don’t worry about these people, check up on these people, miss these people or care if they ever contact me. They are nobody’s. Now I doubt that any one of them would ever ask me for a favor, but if they did I would ignore it completely. If they still persisted then I would have no problem telling them to kiss my ass. Hey, just because we share the planet doesn’t mean I owe them something.
My category two is called “Associate’s”.
These are the people that would probably be in category three, but I have to coexist with them. These would include co-workers, neighbors, business associates, family friends, and friends of friends. I sort of care about their well being, but I don’t go out of my way to check up on them. And I wouldn’t lose sleep if I didn’t hear from them for an extended period of time.
I heard the perfect description of what I am trying to explain once. It is from the Movie “Hoosiers”.
“Mister, there are two kinds of crazy people in the world. There are those that run naked though a field and howl at the moon. Then there are those that do the same in your living room. The difference is you sort of have to deal with one of them!”
If an Associate needs a favor they would have to ask for it, as I wouldn’t volunteer anything. If they ask I would try to avoid it slightly, but I would be doing an analysis of what I may be able to gain in the future by helping them, and how convenient it would be to do this favor. So they would have a chance at getting a favor, but it would not be a guarantee.
My category one is called “Friends”.
I hasten to say this, but I imagine I have only about a dozen people in this category. (What can I say, I have trouble keeping friends) I care deeply about each of these people. I worry about them constantly, even when they are doing well. I check in with them several times a week and I am worried when I don’t hear back, or if they don’t check up on me.
If I even think that they need a favor then I just do it. I don’t ask and I don’t have to wait for them to ask. I do the favor for free, no strings attached. Of course you know me, so I will make requests in jest. But in all honesty I do for them out of love and caring, nothing else.
But then we get back to how to handle it when I need something and they ignore me. Does that mean I am in their category two . . . or even three? I do tend to get frustrated, even though it is probably my fault. I may have mis-placed them. Maybe they should be a category two or something.
Very few make it to category one. Once there, it almost takes an act of god to be demoted. But it has happened. A few have been demoted to category two, but no one that has ever been in category one has fallen to category three. My point here is that this is what I was about to do last week. I was going to demote someone from category one to category three.
But I didn’t. Right now they are like a category 1.5. You know, sort of on the fence while I watch and wait. If they show me that they care then they will be category one for life. If I only get lip service then it’s category two.
Ok, I know you are probably sick of all my damn quotes, but I will leave you with one final quote. And this one truly is a pillar of my soul.
“Anyone can give up; it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”
Finally, one passing comment that you can take for what’s it is worth.
I was handed a medical magazine which was explaining that for women, performing oral sex and swallowing is excellent for your complexion and has numerous health benefits. Hey! I didn’t write the article; I’m just sharing information with my friends as a favor.
Luv ya’ll!
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