How was my weekend you ask?
I guess ODD would be the appropriate response.
I arranged to send my mom flowers a few weeks ago for Mother’s Day. While I was ordering them, I remembered that I have two female friends that are mothers, but in the particular situation where possibly no one would send them anything. So, being the “NICE GUY” that I am I sent gifts to both of them.
There were more oddities, especially pertaining to the current relationship status of both of them, but to be as brief as possible I will leave that part alone.
Mom gets her flowers just fine. She calls me to say thank you and all is well. One of my friends gets her flowers. She sends me a text message thanking me, and mentioning that this was the only gift she received. (Wow, I made her day) Now both of these wonderful ladies got a typical Mother’s Day Bouquet, and they both arrived as planned. So far so good.
For the other lady, I wanted to do something EXTRA special. On her birthday I wasn’t able to send her anything. She is one of those dreaded “taken women”. But I figured I could send her something from her two boys, signed by her two boys, and delivered on behalf of her two boys. If it is not from me, then it should be ok I figured. Again, so far so good.
I am a regular with this one particular florist. I call them and request a specific “special” bouquet. I used to always get her yellow roses. So I ask them to build me a bouquet with a dozen yellow roses. But I wanted some color also, so I ask them to mix in some pink carnations and some white spray. They were actually able to do a computer images and sent it to me, and it did look nice.
In addition, I included a large box of chocolates and a bottle of merlot. I was reminded that since I had been such a good customer that I had a gift certificate that I could use, so I also included a “Spa Day” basket. You know, bath gels, sexy lotions and the rest of that girly crap. Yes, for some odd reason I still want to impress this lady. But mostly, I wanted to make sure she had a good Mother’s Day.
I have to back up for a moment now. This one particular lady moved away about a year ago. When she did I asked her for her new address. She made a big deal about giving it out, but she did. Well she sort of did. She gave me a false address. When she moved a year ago, I was very interested in her. So I sent her a lot of gifts. Yet on many occasions I had serious problems arranging the delivery. I would ask her to verify her address as what I had, and she did three times. So I would bitch at UPS or Fed Ex about their inability to do their job, and all the money I was pissing away. Oh, I mailed stuff also, and the USPS was having the same challenges.
It wasn’t until she desperately needed me to send her something that she FINALLY confirmed a different address. She claimed that she simply made a mistake originally, but she did confirm her mistake three more times. Ok, so I am NOT an anal person but I do keep detailed records. Her address error had cost me exactly $593.87 over the past year, not to mention the anger and frustration I showed to UPS and Fed Ex.
But that was in the past, right?
I never heard from her even though I had confirmation that the gifts were delivered. I absolutely hated to do anything to verify as I wanted it to be from her two young boys. But UPS was confirming the correct delivery and I wasn’t hearing a word from her. So I finally asked her. And she did not reply. Due to all the problems I had in the past, yet believing I had the correct address, I was forced to ask one more time. I hate repeating myself.
Guess what? She had moved. Some asshole was now sitting in a tub using all the spa stuff I had sent to the old address, drinking a bottle of merlot, eating chocolates, and probably giving the bouquet I specifically designed for my friend to his girlfriend.
FUCK ME!
No, I did not ask for her new address. She did send it but I didn’t keep it.
Also, while all of this was going on I was having a pool party. Low and behold, the chick that snuck into bed with me a few weeks ago after one of my parties showed up. I didn’t invite her, but someone I did invite told her about it and how I have this “open invitation” policy. So she shows up.
I am not a jerk anymore, so please don’t take this as a slam. But the night this chick snuck up to my room and crawled into my bed it was dark, she was naked, and I was drunk. Yet seeing her in the bright daylight of a pool party . . . well . . . she looked different. Don’t make me say anymore?
So I got to spend the day avoiding her. That is definitely not me. So while I am supposed to be the “host” of this party, I am constantly bitching at UPS, texting the “flower girl”, verifying with the florist, and dodging this one chick all at the same time. Argh!
So, what did we learn this weekend?
· If a girl gives you a bad address, she ain’t fucking interested so forget her.
· If you send flowers and gifts to a lady, and UPS says a man signed for them, GIVE UP!
· Before you have sex, especially after drinking, turn on the damn lights.
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