“I consider you a friend!”
In most conversations that would be an uplifting statement to hear. The majority of folks enjoy being considered a friend of someone. It means you have someone to call you and chat, text you occasionally, hang out with you when you are bored, and even possibly come to your funeral. And since most if not all of my readers are female, then you all probably would get all tingly after hearing this statement.
But to a male that hears this statement from a female it means a lot more. You see, in the male’s mind every female is a potential lay (YES THAT INCLUDES YOU MISSY!). This one comment is the most destructive statement a male could hear. Seriously, you tell a male to go away and in his mind he’s thinking, “Sure, let’s go to my car!” If you told a male that you hate him, he thinks you inviting him for some rough sex. Heck, even if you just said no he would think that you just weren’t sure yet.
The point is males always find a way to stay in the game. But telling a male that you consider him a friend changes the whole freakin’ game.
This is what a male hears when a female makes the above statement.
· Don’t put your arm around me or hold my hand.
· Don’t try to kiss me at the end of the evening.
· No matter what I say it is definitely not meant as sexual.
· You will NEVER see me naked.
· You will NEVER get to feel or taste these “puppies”.
· I don’t want to see or touch your weenie.
· I will never be drunk enough to do you.
· YES, you still have to pay; but now you know there is no “Happy Ending”.
[FOOTNOTE – Reference my numerous discussions about the benefits of a hooker]
You ladies can’t fool me. If I asked you right now you would all act surprised. But each of you know exactly what you are saying, and you INTEND it to be that way. It’s just another of your darn secret codes. So I know I’m not telling you anything that you don’t know. But I am telling you that WE know that you know; and now you know that we know that you know.
Crap, now I’m dizzy.
I wonder if females have like secret conventions to go over all the stuff you do. You probably have continuing education requirements as well. Come to think of it, I bet females came up with the concept of playoffs and championships. You knew all males would all be at the stadium or glued to the TV and it would be the perfect time to have one of your refresher meetings on how to screw us over.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the concept of honesty. If you’re not willing to get on your knees or back then you should tell us. We could then spend our time, attention, and money on someone who may be willing to do these lovely acts. I guess my real problem is with HOW you tell us.
When you say, “I consider you a friend” we are sort of stuck. I mean immediately we want to move on to the big boobed blonde sitting at the bar. And if you had just said, “Sweetie, you’re not getting any here!” then we could move on with a clear conscious (YES, WE DO HAVE ONE OF THOSE). But by using that damn FRIEND word we genuinely have to try to come up with a scheme to get away from you without hurting our “new friends” feelings.
AND . . . . Have you ever tried to THINK with a boner? No, I guess you haven’t. Well just so you know, it’s the circulation of blood through the brain that acts as the fuel to generate thoughts. When a guy gets a boner, all the blood rushes down south. There is not enough blood in the body to operate both pieces of equipment at one time. So trying to think up a decent scheme to “nicely” get away from your PRUDE ASS is damn near impossible.
So our ONLY option is to walk away, pissing you off tremendously (seeing that you just announced that we are FRIENDS); or staying with our “new friend” and wasting all our money on you; and having to deal with our boner by our self later while the big boobed babe at the bar gives a blow job to some computer geek or something. ARGH!
[FOOTNOTE – Those things don’t go away on their own!!!!!]
See, I bet you females didn’t think this through, did you?
Heck, you probably did and just don’t give a shit.
Being a friend to a female is very detrimental to our sex life. So you need to be aware of what you are putting “your friend” through when you make this statement. Or better yet, NEVER use that phrase again. If you REALLY want to be our friend then introduce us to your sister or your hot friends.
Oh, and for the record . . . . NONE OF YOU ARE MY FRIENDS.
SO . . . we males already know that you females hold all the cards in life; you have ALL the advantages and reap ALL the benefits; you get it ANY time you want it with ANYONE you want. So how about giving us one tiny thing?
No male can ever be your friend!
When you meet one of us I am certain that you have already thought to yourself, “Yup, I could do him” or “Ummm, I just don’t think he’s worthy of my kitty”. If your thoughts are the former, walk the fuck away. Yes, you will have to co-exist with all the males you won’t do so I came up with a simple list of rules for you to follow when dealing with the males you have deemed “un-worthy” of your body and pleasure.
· You can work with us, but no smiling or laughing. Also, no sitting on our desks or discussing your wild weekend parties when we are in the room.
· You can speak to us ONLY if you see us in church.
· You don’t EVER wear your “fuck me” heels except when you want to be fucked.
· You must wear baggy turtle neck sweaters year round.
· No dresses.
· No winking.
· No touching.
· No teasing.
Crap, I could go on for hours. But I hope you get the idea.
Hey, it’s one TINY concession so think about it?
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