My Journal #308 - Well, well . . . .

Well what do you know? My friend who is a shrink (notice I didn’t say MY SHRINK because I don’t have one and don’t need one) is a reader of my journals. He’s a sneaky little so-and-so! Oh, and better yet; he read the journal I deleted BEFORE I deleted it. So this afternoon I get a call from him.

He tries to tell me I had some sort of a break from reality and my anger was the cause.

[Who, me?]

I believe I once told you how I have an abundance of some chemical in me that gives me additional energy and stamina. No, it’s not like a super hero type of a thing. It just makes me keep going when my body wants to quit. And apparently this same chemical is what throws me into these anger rages. And furthermore, it’s in my file that this is what my old employer was worried about when they decided to release me from my contract some 25 years ago. They feared that my memories of that time would manifest into more rage and I could be a threat to people.

[Really, me?]

He also knows why I went into my rage. And based on what I told him he claims that my anger is mis-placed. He claims that my anger is with something completely different and I am manifesting this rage onto someone. Basically they are not the trigger; this other thing is the real trigger.

[Gee, I sure hate that medical mumbo-jumbo!]

AND GET THIS! He feels he has an obligation to report my recent anger outburst.

[Now I am getting pissed again!]

So I have agreed to do three things. First, I will agree to meet with him once a week (Urgh!). Second, I will go back to using this page to vent my thoughts. And third, I have to apologize to the person with which I was so angry (Double urgh!)

[Fuck, she probably doesn't even know I'm pissed . . . and she DEFINITELY doesn't care if I am!]

He suggested I continue to beat the hell out of my weight bag (which I completely destroyed in a week’s time) and go back to  . . . ummm . . . meditating. (Yup, I used to do that also) And he is being fairly insistent that I share my store that I haven’t told. (Prolly not doc!)

So this is me venting my thoughts.

DON’T EVER FUCKING IGNORE ME!

 

I MAY BE A SHITTY FRIEND, BUT TRUST ME THAT BEING MY FRIEND IS WAY BETTER THAN BEING MY ENEMY. YOUR LIFE EXPECTANCE MORE THAN DOUBLES!

There, I feel better already.

Oh, there is some good news! The CL lady I had a date with last weekend that had since vanished . . . she’s back! Apparently she had a family emergency and has been tied up with it. She has to stay home tonight with her daughter so we are going to have an email date (Her idea, not mine) I wasn’t crazy about the idea, but she said that she missed me last week. (Ahhh) So how could I refuse someone that says the things I need to hear?

So I’ve got an email date tonight. I’m not sure how it works, but she told me she would figure it out.

And yes, I will apologize to the person that has made me so ANGRY for the past few months. But not tonight.

[You read that doc?]

Ok, I’m “sexting” with someone right now (God I love when that chemical kicks in) so I need to run. But really, I will be fine.

JUST DON’T ANYONE PISS ME OFF!