My Journal #315 - Addictions

I guess I had an addiction?!?

That is hard to admit. I mean, I’ve never had any kind of an addiction before . . . to anything. So to finally realize that I may have a problem was a real “eye opener”.

Being me, once I realized this I put together a program. Sure, I could have talked to that shrink dude. But how difficult is it to break an addiction? And I am one of those “never quit” kind of guys, and I am far brighter than most other folks. So this should have been easy.

Here was the plan I put together.

• Change my routine
• Change my habits
• Substitute for something healthier if necessary
• Brace for impact

To change my routine I first had to figure out that I had a routine. And yes, everyone has routines; even someone like me that was taught never to develop a routine. It just happens. That was an awakening moment as well.

So I started looking as to how and where the addiction played into this routine I found in my life. I found that at certain times of the day, I did things to contribute to the addiction. I also found that there were certain days of the week, and days in the month; where I would do the same. I was so surprised with myself.

I immediately changed my routine.

To change my habits, I again had to first figure out that I had poor habits. The difficult part after that realization was figuring out that my habits were going to be a mental adjustment.

Basically I had to convince myself that the object of my addiction is bad, even if I didn't believe it. That was hard because in my world I had never believed it was bad. Everyone had told me it was bad, but I didn’t believe them because I didn’t see the bad, or maybe I didn’t want to see it. But since I needed to break the addiction I had to look at my object again, and tried to see it differently.

I also did research on my object, and began to see that not only had I been addicted; I had blinders on as well. And then suddenly I could see the bad in my object. And in that moment, a brief moment of clarity, I felt so ignorant and used. I had been “duped” by my addiction. I also found it to be amazing that once I chose to try to see the object in a different light, everything in my life sort of fell into place and made sense.

I then was able to change my habits.

But times were still tough, so I went ahead and started seeking a substitute. Now I am bright enough not to replace a bad habit for another bad habit. And the thought of having another habit of any type did worry me. But I needed something to help me through those moments when I didn’t care about my routine and habit. So I found a very similar object, just without the bad side effects. My question now is, “Is it an addiction even if it’s really good for you?”

Anyway, I found a replacement.

The final step is to brace for the impact. What I mean here is that I have to live my life, and it will be lived in the real world. The object of my addiction is out there in the real world. So no matter how much I prepare and distance myself from my addiction; the moment will come where I will have to face it.

Be braced!

I have to be ready for the impact, have a plan in place to evade and escape, and not allow that to return me to my addiction. I have to anticipate that moment, how it will happen, and where it will happen. I have to have every possible resolution mapped out and detailed. I have to be “Braced for Impact”.

By the way, it was a GREAT addiction at times.

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Oh, and the addiction I am discussing wasn’t my smokeless tobacco. I dropped that cold turkey in a day.

[Figure it out!]